trying on a metaphor
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
dirt enthusiast
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
#extradirty
Mike Driver
KIROKAZE
็ฅๆฅ / Permanent Vacation
taylor price
DEAR READER
โ
I'd rather be in outer space ๐ธ
Claire Keane
sheepfilms
Sweet Seals For You, Always
$LAYYYTER
d e v o n
seen from Lithuania
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@sch-uwu-lchen
ill be real the "poly people are uglyyy" thing just feels like cope? like theyre in a polycule. they have directly proven that multiple people find them hot enough to want to be in a relationship, often sexual, with. you have what? one single Monogamous Jessica, and you're terrified she'll leave you as soon as she sees a rooster with bigger tail feathers?
we have a winner folks, @some-stars got it in one
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[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
for real tho it feels exhausting that ive seen this whole "woman should be allowed to abstain from X beauty standard" -> "i perform X beauty standard, am i evil? do you think im evil? please forgive me i came up with a dozen excuses ๐ฅบ" since like 2015 (and i know its been going on longer than that) like girl thats not the poiiiiint
look me in the eyes. repeat after me. "i face societal pressure to perform this beauty standard. i should not face that pressure. i conform to this standard. i am rewarded for performing to this standard. i need to respect women who do not perform this standard. this is not about whether or not i am a sinner for wearing makeup."
My mouth fell.
Overlock Stitch by @clothes_reetzy
Damn, that's useful
Finally a hand sewing tutorial on a hemline that isn't just the ladder stitch! the ladder stitch disappears when you tighten it, but it's not meant for hemlines because it breaks really easily! The overlock stitch is more stable, so it holds much longer, and it won't pucker or warp the fabric!
tags by @gallusrostromegalus
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a severe thursday warning is in effect. take shelter now.
i had a coworker who had such a strong sense of smell that she could tell when people were on their periods and publically called them out on it, so i started calling her the Bloodhound which she didnt appreciate for some reason. girl you made this bed im just decorating it
I'm still baffled that so many people seem completely unaware of how dangerous Covid is. Every time you get Covid, there is a chance you develop a life-long disability. It can cause brain damage, as well as damage to the heart, the lungs, the stomach... And yet no one seems to be worried about this. They don't mask when they're sick. They go to work or school even though they have a virus that might disable anyone who gets infected by it. Many people don't even seem to know what Long Covid is, or that the chances of getting it are statistically higher each time you get infected
oh well i guess ill just be fat and hot
guess ill be fat and hot and hot
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โTerf is a slur used to silence usโ dang bitch I wish it worked shut the fuck up
this heatwave fucking sucks how am I going to serve my liege like this
im never leaving this hellsite
i swear if this is the second stupid sword picture post i make that gets to 10k i'll just go kill someone
FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
Several times on here I've seen the take "I know local theater is bad and cringey, but you have to support it anyway!" And while I understand what they're getting at, I'm always like, why do you assume it's going to be "bad" just because the artists are members of your own community? I just saw a local production of The Importance of Being Earnest and it was HILARIOUS. Everyone was DELIGHTFULLY funny and we thoroughly enjoyed it! There have been so many times I've been greatly moved by "amateur" or student art, and if you can't allow yourself to appreciate anything but "the Best" (and who decides what "the Best" is anyway? This production of "Earnest" was way funnier than the version that Judy Dench and Rupert Everett were in, as deservedly "famous" as they might be) then you are just being a joyless snob. There's beauty and talent all around you. And if that makes me "easy to please," then well... That means I'm pleased more often! And why should I want to apologize for that?
#seeโ it's not about eating your vegetables or pityfucking the local art scene #it's about making the grave mistake of believing yourself to be past surprise. #in my old age i have seen too many outstanding (or outstandingly ambitious) works by unknown artists #to presume which venue i will be seated at the next time i see a lifechangingly good performance #if you wanna be a prick and commodify it yeah sure i guess it IS gambling money and time you'd otherwise use on DoorDash and Phone in Bed #but i don't think that's any way to live life. incuriosity is weak as hell. neither you nor your art will survive the winter (tags via @deadpanwalking)
ICE is now even WORSE https://robertreich.substack.com/p/ice-is-even-worse
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this wouldn't be happening if i had a mentor that was deeply interested in me and my life and guided me with a firm hand even when i was overwhelmed. whatever.
