Pedro's cigarette

And ever since the first time you spoke to him, he didn't stand a chance. You were young and pretty, and so charming with your innocent optimism… Before Joel realized, he was fantasizing about you during the lonely evenings, dreaming of your voice late in the night, and looking for you in the crowd when he was out of the house.

He was way too old to feel this kind of way, and every now and then it felt like he was balancing on a tightrope between being stupid and borderline creepy. Such a sweet girl like you wouldn't look twice at an old man like him if she knew the things that sometimes ran through his mind when he was seeing other men flirting with you, seeking the same warm light that Joel grew addicted to.

That was the poison mixed with your sweetness – even though it was irrational, with you everything seemed easier than it was.

…even falling in love.

And fall Joel Miller did. It was an embarrassing, tainted experience, especially when he remembered how much older than you he was. But he couldn't help it, and once this burning want became clear to him, he didn't really want to fight it, either.

You were everything he should stay far away from – young, pretty and so bright with your smiles, your hope, your innocence. A sinner like Joel Miller had no place in your life, and yet he couldn't muster the courage to let you go. It was selfish of him, he knew, but spending time in your company was one of the few brightsides of his life… and he didn't have many of those, lately. He genuinely enjoyed being near you – a lot more than he probably should.

That's why, when he noticed you skipping his way with a bright smile splattered across your cheeks, he felt his heart instantly lighten. It was a hard day of work at the construction site and he was relieved to finally be heading home, but just the sight of you made the weariness disappear from within his bones.

“Joel! Hi!” Something must have stirred you quite strongly, for you were practically bouncing with excitement. The words were spilling out of your mouth before he even had a chance to say hello. “I need your help, right now. Please.”

“Slow down, darlin’,” he chuckled, letting you drag him by the arm to a wall of the nearest building and away from the crowd. “You alrigh’?”

“Yeah, yes, of course.” You waved to someone passing by, totally unfazed – or maybe just ignorant – that you were being seen with him in public. “I just need your help.”

“Well, what is it?” he repeated the question and finally, you turned to face him. Joel couldn't help but match the pretty smile on your face, but it quickly faded when you blurted out your next words.

“I like someone.”

That short, simple sentence wrecked Joel’s world by the foundations. For a couple of seconds he just stared at you with his mouth slightly agape while you fidgeted with your hands nervously, but still overjoyed.

“Wh– uhh, sorry?”

“I like someone,” you repeated excitedly, as if your words weren't piercing right through Joel's heart. “And I need your help.”

All of the sudden, the world lost all its colors, as if all the meaning was sucked out of the universe just by your words.

Why it was such a surprise to him, Joel didn't know. Of course you'd sooner or later get together with someone. He should have expected it. You were young, pretty and such a joy to be around, people were gravitating towards you instinctively. Like moths to a flame.

Just like him – yet he was always destined to only get burned.

“Joel?”

You leaned closer and Joel's eyes instinctively focused on your lower lip worried between your teeth.  You were obviously oblivious to his feelings, as well as the effect you had on him – otherwise he doubted you'd tempt him like that, unknowingly making his mind fixate on how perfect your lips would have felt under his touch.

But no, it wasn't his caresses you wanted. There was someone else, someone far more deserving of you, and you were asking Joel only for his help. And though it hurt him – it killed him to lose this small sliver of affection you had been giving him so far – he nodded supportingly.

“Wha… what do you need help with, sweet girl?” he asked softly, trying not to show how devastated he felt inside. Joel had no desire to hear about whoever was fortunate enough to gain your favor, but again, luck wasn't on his side.

“I made a plan to meet him,” you explained enthusiastically, grabbing his forearm. Joel looked at where your fingers touched his skin, barely listening to your words. “Tonight. And I need you to come with me.”

That woke him up from his reverie. Joel huffed and shook his head sharply, looking at you like you were out of your mind.

“No.” His tone was almost biting, but through his firm refusal, a trace of panic was slipping through. You pouted, squeezing his forearm lightly.

“Oh, come on, please? I just want to make sure everything’s perfect.”

“No,” Joel repeated, much weaker this time. “Hell no. Why would I–” Then, a dark thought bloomed in his mind and his face turned concerned. “You're worried he'd do somethin’ to you?”

“Oh, no, no!” It was your turn to shake your head, and you actually cracked a smile at Joel's worried tone. “No, he'd never hurt me.”

Your voice got softer; your smile turned serene. Joel wanted nothing more than to turn away when your eyes started to wander across his features, but again that proved to be too herculean of a task compared to the hold you had over him.

“He's kind,” you continued absentmindedly, and on the edge of consciousness Joel remembered your hand was still on his arm, tracing small lines with your thumb. “Respectful and thoughtful… A real gentleman.”

“A-and who’s he?” Joel found the courage to ask, breaking you out of your daydreams. You smiled happily again – that damned, sweet smile of yours – and removed your hand. He immediately started missing the feeling of your touch.

“You'll see.” You looked over your shoulder when someone shouted your name a street away, and waved from the distance. You gave Joel one last pleading look, clasping your hands together. “Come to the Tipsy Bison at 9. Please? You can just sit in the corner but I'll feel so much better and safer with you there.”

Once Joel looked into your beautiful, pleading eyes, he was a goner. He never could deny you anything either way.

Even when he would kill for a chance to go on a real date with you.

“Okay,” he finally caved in. “Alrigh’. I'll be there.”

The overjoyed smile you gave him was almost enough to soothe the hollow pain in his chest.

Almost.

Great. Fucking great.

Joel made another turn around the street, trying to build up the courage to approach Tipsy Bison. The flannel shirt he wore was itching uncomfortably, but he was already half an hour late and there was no time to go back home and change.

He regretted ever setting foot in Jackson. It was a nightmare situation for him, having to spend the evening in a room full of loud, drunk people and watch as you go about your date with another man. Joel thought a dozen times about making up some excuse as to why he can't chaperone your date after all. He even went as far as to beg Tommy to accompany him, just that he wouldn’t have to suffer alone, but his younger brother just gave him a pitying look, saying something about spending time with Maria tonight. Joel could always cancel, lie that he can’t make it after all… but then he remembered how hopeful and thankful you looked, and all his resolve was wavering again. He couldn't ever say no to you, even though he desperately wanted to.

He looked at his broken watch, sighing at the hour. He delayed the inevitable long enough, so with heavy steps he approached the bar at last. You asked him to go through the back door, for whatever reason, and he was too tired at the time to point out there’s nothing back there except for the kitchen and storage rooms. Whatever. You probably were already in the main hall, with your date, and either you were angry at Joel for being late, or not thinking about him at all. He wasn’t sure which one would be worse.

Once he stepped over the threshold, he carefully closed the door behind him. The racket from the bar was muffled here, but from the nearest room he could hear someone muttering. Joel swallowed heavily and cleared his throat to alert whoever was on the other side of the wall.

“Joel?” he heard your voice before you appeared in the doorway. At the sight of him your shoulders dropped and with confusion he noted that you didn’t look angry or disappointed – you seemed relieved. “Goddammit, finally you’re here. You took your sweet time, huh?”

Before he could answer, you walked forward and took his sleeve, half-dragging him behind you. Words of protest bubbled on his tongue, but they all died quickly when Joel saw the room you emerged from.

The storage shelves were decorated with fairy lights and in the middle of the room stood a small table with two chairs opposite each other. The only other source of light were a couple of candles on the table and around the room. There was food on the table – probably cold by now – and a bottle of wine. But most importantly – there was no one else in the room except for Joel and you.

While he was looking around like an absolute fool, searching for an explanation for this situation, you cautiously closed the door and walked around the man, coming to a stop by the set table with your hands clasped in front of you.

“...Well?” you asked after an uncomfortably long silence, letting out a nervous laugh. “What do you think?”

Joel blinked, not sure if you were talking to him.

“Where's the guy?”

You threw him a confused look, but truly, it was the only thing Joel could think of. He glanced around the room again, as if his mysterious competition was going to jump up from behind one of the shelves, but there was no trace of anyone else here.

“Your… your date,” he clarified after a moment and cleared his throat once more. A spark of understanding flashed in your eyes and you pressed your lips together. “It's late. Is he… He didn't set you up, did he?”

“That depends,” you finally answered softly, keeping your wary but hopeful eyes on him. “Are you finally gonna sit down?”

A cog clicked into its place in Joel's mind and he turned his head, not sure if he had heard you right. You smiled nervously and motioned to the table.

“The food’s probably cold by now, but I can heat it up. It’s your own fault, though, since I asked you to be here forty minutes ago–”

“I don’t…”

He didn’t understand. Nothing made sense, but he had to make sure, “So there’s no… there’s no date?”

You were clearly nervous, judging by the way you were fidgeting with your hands, but you sent him a shy smile nonetheless. “I mean, you’re here…”

Joel didn’t answer – frankly, he didn’t know what to say. So many conflicted emotions were swirling in his chest, blocking his throat from squeezing out even a sound. It created almost a physical pain between his ribs, especially when your eyes were still on him, so hopeful and patient.

After another pregnant pause, you let out a quiet breath and took a step forward, throwing him a lifeline since he clearly must’ve looked like an idiot. “There’s no one else coming, if that’s what you’re asking. I made all of this for you – for… us, maybe. I just…” You half-shrugged, and only now Joel realized how nice you looked, wearing a dress he never before saw you in, “didn’t know how to tell you.”

Joel swept his gaze over the room once more – the dinner, the lights, your pretty dress… and you. And it was all for him, apparently.

“Why?” he breathed, the weight of his age almost making him collapse to his knees. He desperately wanted to say something more profound than one word at the time, but his voice was failing him. Thankfully, you were always kind enough to fill in the silence.

“Why did I lie to you or why did I drag you here of all places?” You rounded the table, eyeing the decorations with a proud smile. “Well–”

“No, darlin’, why…” He shook his head. Everything felt too unreal, too sudden. And he felt so tired. “Why me?”

That made you pause and you turned to him with a surprised look, like what he just said was the last thing you expected to hear.

“What do you mean, why you?” you huffed incredulously, leaning forward against the back of the chair, and though you tried to look casual, the nervousness in the tension of your body was apparent. “You’re just… I mean, it must be pretty clear that I really like you… And I thought you might have felt the same. You know, with all the ‘darling’s’ and looking at me, and stuff…”

Was it a dream? You always looked like you were out of a dream, but something about this moment… the fairy lights, your shy demeanor, the words he never thought he’d hear from you… Joel didn't know if he was still alive or maybe that's what the afterlife looked like.

“...You could say something,” you half-joked with a trace of worry in your voice, obviously growing uncomfortable at his lack of reaction. “You know, Tommy only let me have this place ‘til midnight before they come by to restock the bar. We can at least eat and talk a little, right?”

“Did Tommy put you up to this?” Joel asked bitterly, unable to stop himself at the mention of his brother’s name. He recalled the look Tommy gave him earlier today, his excuses as to why he can’t come with him... What other explanation could there be for such a gorgeous, young woman to be interested in Joel of all people, if it wasn’t just a product of his kin’s poor humor? However, he instantly regretted asking you this when your soft smile disappeared altogether, and you wrapped your arms around yourself.

“You can just say if you don’t feel the same way,” you said dryly with an angry and hurt furrow on your brow. “No need to be a dick about it.”

You walked by him, apparently done with Joel’s accusations and grumpiness, but he quickly caught your arm before he could think better of it. You spun around, probably ready to tear into him, but he wouldn't hear a word either way – no while a vortex of doubts and questions raged in his mind. Joel didn’t know how or why you’d ever take interest in an old man like him, but he was now certain of two things.

One, you were telling the truth. For whatever reason, you really liked him – enough to plan and prepare a whole dinner date just for him.

And two, if Joel let you walk out now, he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

You must’ve noticed the change on his face when his eyes flickered to your lips because you froze, the words of hurt and disappointment drying out on your tongue. Joel swallowed and wet his lips, looking for any sign of hesitation or regret on your face, but there was nothing in your eyes but pure, fragile anticipation. He delicately put his hand on the side of your face, the rough pad of his thumb brushing your cheek slowly. Your eyelashes fluttered closed and you let out a shaky breath, and that was all it took for Joel to lean down and press his lips to yours.

The kiss started delicate, but almost immediately turned into a fervent, hungry thing, which you ardently reciprocated. Joel wanted to take his time, to test the waters and build up the anticipation until you were ready to beg for him, but he didn’t expect just how fucking good kissing you would feel – and how eager you were for his touch. The smell of you, the feel of your hands on his chest and arms… it was driving him crazy with want, and without thinking twice, he spun you around and pinned your back against the edge of the table, making you whimper into his mouth.

“Goddammit, baby…” The term of endearment slipped out before he realized it, but judging by your reaction you didn’t mind at all. Your breath hitched, making him smirk to himself as he started to realize just how much power he held over you. It certainly shouldn’t excite him as much as it did. “Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”

“Joel, if you don’t stop questioning me…” you started, and although your words were firm, your voice leaned into a deliciously needy pitch, the kind of which he yearned to hear for far too long. Joel groaned into your mouth, moving down to press hot kisses against the line of your jaw and down your neck, greedily drinking in the noises you were making.

“Tell me, darlin’,” he asked in a low voice, experimentally running his palm up your thigh under the pretty dress you wore. The effect was immediate, and you pressed your body closer to him, seeking his touch the moment it left your skin. “I need to know if you really mean all this.”

“For fuck’s sake, Joel–” You made a surprised noise as he hoisted you up and onto the table, but it turned into another needy whimper when he knocked your knees apart and slotted himself between them with ease. You glanced behind you, worried that you'll push the silverware off the table, and Joel took this moment to resume the onslaught on your neck, kissing and sucking every inch of skin he could reach. You choke back a moan as his touch made a shiver run up your spine. “Joel, please…”

“I need to hear it, sweetheart,” he murmured lowly against your skin, slowing down to tease you when he felt your heartbeat quicken up beneath his lips. “Need to make sure you know what you're gettin’ into.”

“I do, I promise,” you assured him fervently while your hands went to the back of his head, fingers tangling into his gray locks. “You have no idea how many times I thought about this. I wanted you for so long, Joel, please…”

“Wanted you, too, darlin’.” He put one of his hands on the small of your back, pulling your lower half closer to the edge of the table so you could feel what you were doing to him. “God, every time you smiled at me it was all I could think about… So kind and beautiful, never thought you'd look twice my way.”

You didn't bother to answer this time, instead angling his head up to kiss him deeply again. The doubt and fear were still present in Joel's mind, but he honestly couldn't focus on them with you in front of him. You were so warm under his palms, so pliant and eager, a literal putty in his steady hands. He could never imagine how incredible it felt to be wanted by someone so much, but at the same time he knew he had to take his time. As much as he wanted to keep going, to make you see stars and sing his name, it was more than just lust with you.

So when you reached for the buttons of his shirt, he gently grabbed your wrists and moved them away, finally regaining his self-control. You whined disapprovingly, but the crease between your brows quickly disappeared when Joel kissed your fingers softly, not taking his eyes off you.

“Shh, sweetheart, don’t rush,” he cood, earning a small disappointed pout. He had to close his eyes, lest he caved in. Fuck, the sight of you before him – your pupils blown wide, lips swollen from his ministrations, your heavy breath and the dress bunched around your hips… Joel was sure you’d let him do anything to you right now. And God, he couldn’t wait. “Let me do this properly, yeah? Have a nice date with you, then maybe take you home if you don’t change your mind…”

“We can skip the dinner,” you quietly offered, your breath still uneven and cheeks flushed. He huffed a laugh with fondness and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on your forehead, his own breathing also slightly erratic.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he murmured against your skin before taking your face in his hands. “Someone did say I’m a gentleman, no?”

You seemed to regret your previous choice of words, accentuating it with a disappointed whimper and a buck of your hips. Joel groaned and kissed you deeply again, almost able to taste all the impatience and desire on your tongue. Surprisingly, you didn’t fight him further and instead obediently slid off the table, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck to be as close to him as possible.

Joel was grateful for this moment of calm before even more excitement – and he didn’t mind spending it by watching you, standing so close and smiling up at him as brightly as the sun itself.

“You believe me now?” you asked teasingly, stifling your giggles when Joel rolled his eyes playfully. “Good. You will have to make it up to me, then.”

Worry crept back onto Joel’s face, but you were quick to calm him down with a tender kiss to his jaw, and then another one lower, on his pulse point. “You were late. If you got here on time, we could’ve been doing this at least half an hour longer.”

Joel chuckled and lifted your chin with his finger, before kissing you briefly one last time.

“Baby, let’s enjoy the dinner you prepared, first. After that, I swear I’ll make it up to you in however many ways you want.”

MASTER LIST

Part 4

Disclaimer: I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

You spent the Thursday and Friday drop off and pick up moving around the preschool compound like a ninja, stealthing around other moms to avoid being seen by that deranged lunatic.

You just couldn’t understand that man. How was he so sweet and funny at lunch and suddenly transformed into a psychotic, accusatory bitch a few hours later? You were angry too, Ellie had three long scratches on her face, possibly from Sarah. But no one saw you immediately accusing Sarah of clawing your daughter’s face off.

And as if that was not enough, he had now accused your child of stealing Sarah’s lunch box. What the actual fuck?

You did your due diligence. Like any responsible and mentally stable parent, you checked her bag. You never know. Best case scenario, she could have accidentally taken Sarah’s lunch box, which was identical to Ellie’s, black being the only colour available that day both you and that mentally and emotionally challenged man decided to get them for your daughters.

You would have even checked Ellie’s bag right there in front of him had he not attacked you like you had just robbed his fucking house.  

Of course, there was no extra lunch box in Ellie’s bag. You only found hers. Not that you ever doubted her.

You even asked her if she knew what happened to Sarah’s lunch box. She nodded but shook her head when you asked her who took it. You assured her she wouldn’t get in trouble. But nope. Nada. Just silence.

But you knew Joel Miller wouldn’t stop accusing your sweet little girl.

And that thing he said about the leftover crusts and egg yolks…

You already know how low on the food chain you were. And he was just throwing something you shared in your hidden insecurity about your financial state back in your face.

You were angry now. You hate this man. You want to slap him, shout at him.

The things he said to you…

The reality was, you mostly just felt stupid.

You were attracted to this guy. The first time you saw him, despite the sad smile he was giving you, you couldn’t deny the fact that he was extremely handsome. Quite possibly the most good looking man you had ever met up front. The fact that he was crying and wasn’t acting all macho about it – not hiding his face when he got caught – made him all the more attractive to you. And when you finally met him properly, you actually thought he was a good guy. The whole package, one might say. Good looking, polite, ridiculously charming and adorable in that inept, clumsy way. You actually got all hot and tingly when he smiled at you. Flustered when he touched you, even by accident. You even felt sparks.

But it turned out, he was just a bully.

Not that you were surprised. Your experience had taught you that you definitely had a blind spot when it came to seeing red flags in men. Your husband Eric taught you that. Repeatedly.

Maybe you shouldn’t be so surprised you found Joel Miller to be so attractive. You thought Eric was amazing too, at one point.

Oh how wrong you were.

Maybe you were just wired that way.

Which was why you should never interact with Joel Miller ever again. Or any men you were attracted to. You have Ellie to think about.

Which gave you another dilemma. There was a little voice in your head telling you that maybe, just maybe, Ellie being friends with Sarah wasn’t a good idea, seeing as her father had decided that your daughter was put on this earth to make his daughters life miserable.

But then, Ellie was the new girl in town. She had no friends. You yanked her away from her old life, the familiar life she where she had friends and brought her here, and by whatever good omen you somehow still had, she found Sarah. She loved Sarah. That much you could see. It took her weeks to warm up to the neighbourhood children at the park you took her to daily back home. Even the neighbouring children back then got side eyes from her. Ellie was picky when it came to making friends. She didn’t trust easily. But she trusted and bonded with Sarah immediately.

You didn’t have the heart to separate them.

You knew Miss Lydia had separated them in class, per that crazy man’s request. But Ellie told you that she and Sarah spent every second they could with each other, between classes, during breaks, play time, even ran to the others tables to show their drawings to each other. Took cheeky peeks at each other during classes.

You smiled thinking about those two. You wondered how long it would take until they discover passing notes to each other.

Surely they could remain friends without you having to talk to that nutter of a father? They see each other every day at school. No playdates necessary.

Yeah, you could do that. Let the girls be friends. No need to talk to that idiot. Not like he would want to talk to you anyway. He thought of you as a bad mother who taught your daughter to hit other children, steal and eat scraps of rejected leftover food.

Yeah, no more Joel Miller for you.

Joel was at his wits end. It had been two very long days since that day you huffed away from him, since Sarah told him she hated him.

He had been kicking himself for saying what he said to you. For attacking you the way he did, both for Ellie supposedly ‘hurting’ Sarah and for ‘stealing’ Sarah’s lunch box. He didn’t know why he did that, he didn’t even know why he got angry at you, why he would accuse Ellie of such horrific ‘crimes’. He kept replaying his outbursts in his mind, wondering what possessed him to act like that instead of just keeping a cool head and dealing with it in a different manner.

He wished with all his might he had responded the way you did when he accused you of all those things.

You could have accused him of being a bad parents and attacked him for the scratches on Ellie’s face, but you didn’t. You asked Ellie right there in front of him whether she attacked Sarah. He didn’t even ask Sarah if she scratched Ellie. He simply doubled down and escalated.

He didn’t even think you were a bad parent.

It’s him that’s the problem.

It’s his own low opinion on his own parenting. It was he who was lacking. He had always thought of himself as not enough when it came to parenting Sarah, but refused to let others fill in. He was too protective. He hovered too much. Didn’t trust anyone else to have her interest at heart. Tommy was the person he trusted the most with her. Even with Tess, whenever she tried to give a woman’s input or thoughts on how to deal with Sarah, he found himself rejecting her advice, every single time. He couldn’t get past the thought that Sarah was his daughter, therefore, he was the only one who knew what was best for her.

God, how he missed Daisy. She would know what to do. She would certainly never make you feel like the worst parent to ever walk the planet.

He couldn’t believe he did that. He couldn’t believe he would mock the crusts and yolks with ketchup. He couldn’t sleep that night thinking about it. You probably chose to eat Ellie’s discards to save money. Those were perfectly good food that shouldn’t be wasted. You just lost your husband, you were working at a store. It wasn’t as if you were in management or anything. You were literally working on the floor restocking the shelves and attending to customers. He doubted that you were making a tonne of money every week.

Your husband passed less than a year ago. Even if he had a pension, it couldn’t have been much, considering Ellie was your only child. He knew what it was like, having to scrimp and save just to put food on the table, to make sure Sarah had decent clothes and toys, to make sure she never had to go without.

And yet, he mocked a struggling single mom for her frugal choices. For not wanting to waste perfectly good food. Threw that innocent little factoid in her face.

He wanted to bury himself in the ground. Such was his shame for doing that to you.

And to top it all off, his daughter had now declared her hatred towards him. She saw how mean he was being to you. His daughter, a five year old, recognized that he was being mean. She wouldn’t even look at him, much less talk to him.

She didn’t even want him to tuck her in. In fact, she didn’t even want to go home unless Uncle Tommy came home with them.

“Why don’t you want your Daddy to tuck you in?” he heard Tommy ask her as he stood outside her bedroom, having had to leave the room and get Tommy to tuck her in instead.

“Daddy was mean. He yelled at Ellie’s Mama.”

“Well, he thought Ellie was hurting you, stealing from you.”

“No, she didn’t do that. She’s nice. She’s my friend. She’s my best friend.”

“You like Ellie?”

“Yeah. She helps me. She makes mean people go away.”

Silence.

“What do you mean?”

“When people are mean to me, she helps me. She makes them go away. She gets hurt too. But she helps me.”

“Who’s mean to you?” Joel could hear the tension in Tommy’s voice.

Silence.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

Silence.

“Okay, what did the mean people do?”

“They take my food. They take all of it. So Ellie gives me her food. And then they take her food too. Now we hide food so they don’t take all our food.”

“Is that why you are so hungry when you come back?”

Silence.

“Who? Who are being mean to you Sarah?”

Silence.

“Does Miss Lydia know? Does Auntie Tess know? Does Daniel know?”

Silence.

“Does Daddy know?”

Silence.

“Why didn’t you tell Daddy when he asked?”

“Daddy will yell. He will be mean. I don’t like it when Daddy is mean. Like he’s mean to Ellie’s Mama.”

Joel closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead. He had seriously underestimated how smart and observant Sarah was, despite his efforts to shield her from his bad temper. He honestly thought he had been doing a good job in doing just that. But it turned out that his five year old knew all along how he would react if he found out someone had hurt her. And like an idiot, he proved her right. Twice over. With the mother of a little girl she had proudly proclaimed to be her best friend.

Great parenting, Joel Miller. Way to traumatize your precious child.

“But… Sarah, if you tell us, then maybe we could talk to Miss Lydia and she can tell the people who hurt you and Ellie to stop,” Tommy tried one more time. And then he spoke again with a voice Joel knew he only paired with the Miller signature puppy dog pleading eyes and bottom lip pout, oftentimes complete with clasped hands.

Silence. But Joel could tell there was some form of communication going on. Rustling. Shuffling. Some very loud gesturing, clapping of sorts included, and finally, the sweet, ring of laughter from his beloved daughter. Tommy must have tickled her as a form of info extraction method, but ever the steadfast, strong willed girl she was, she had resisted. Joel smiled to himself thinking of the kind of man his brother turned out to be with Sarah. The playboy rebel turned putty the moment that girl was placed in his arms.

Oh hell, who was he kidding? That little girl had him and Tommy wrapped around her little finger.

“You want a story?” he heard Tommy ask. Joel must have missed her request in his reminiscing. “You don’t want Daddy to read for you?”

Silence.

“Your Daddy makes the best voices, you know that,” he heard his brother say, “I cannot compete. You sure you don’t want Daddy to read to you?”

Silence. But the fact that he heard Tommy climb into bed with her gave him the answer. So he sat there and waited until Tommy finished reading, going to the living room when he heard Tommy climb back out, his footsteps heading towards the door.

“Sorry Joel, I tried,” Tommy said, stopping at the fridge to take two cans of Coke, sitting down on the couch, handing Joel his can.

“I know, I heard.”

Tommy opened the can and took a sip. “So you heard what she said about Ellie?”

Joel nodded, taking a sip himself.

“She told you all that in minutes, I’ve tried for two days,” he sighed.

“Okay, don’t beat yourself up. One, she loves me a lot more than she loves you, and two, I’m just better at talking to the ladies,” Tommy smirked.

Joel rolled his eyes.

“So, what happened today? I thought everything was done and dealt with yesterday?”

Joel sighed. “Sarah lost her lunch box. First time she brought it to school, and she lost it. I asked to see Ellie’s bag,” he sheepishly admitted.

Tommy’s eyes narrowed, “Asked, or demanded?”

Joel’s head lowered, his eyes focused on the can of Coke. “I may have been a bit… aggressive, accusatory.”

“And your first instinct was to accuse a five year old girl your daughter insisted wasn’t the one who hurt her? Sarah said that yesterday, I heard her, she told you Ellie didn’t hurt her. And yet you accused that same girl of stealing? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Joel sighed, “I don’t know Tommy, I don’t what’s wrong with me. It was like someone else invaded my body and I was just watching.”

“Oh come on Joel, that’s just you. That’s always been you. I get it, you don’t want Sarah to be hurt, but really? You accuse another girl to be the culprit? You don’t even know what happened. Sarah didn’t tell you, didn’t tell me, she didn’t tell anyone who did it. And that lunch box? I know you think the world is against you and Sarah, but you know how many water bottles I lost throughout my school years? Mom resorted to just giving me used Coke bottles for my water bottle. Not once did she accuse anyone of stealing anything. And you did it on day three!”

“I know, I know… if I could take it back…”

“You’d better, Joel, before that woman gets tired of your antiques and forbid Ellie from being friends with Sarah. She’ll definitely hate you for real then,” Tommy warned. “Plus, if you keep this up, you might never get a chance with her, ever. As it is, you might be too late already. All these years with your heart closed off, you finally like someone, no, Joel, you can deny all you want, but I know you. You like her,” Tommy chastised as Joel opened his mouth to deny his crush on you, “You finally like someone and you fucked it up because you couldn’t see past your blind fury. For fuck’s sake, go beg for forgiveness, Joel. I’m serious.”

Joel couldn’t sleep that night. From shame, from disappointment, from digesting the info he just found out from eavesdropping Tommy and Sarah’s conversation.

He had no idea why he chose not to believe Sarah when she said Ellie didn’t do anything wrong. And now that he knew Ellie was protecting his daughter, he felt like the biggest asshole in the universe. Ellie even shared her food with Sarah before her own food got taken away too. And of course, now that he thought of it, you told him Ellie came home hungry too.

Joel wanted to kick himself. Ellie had scratches on her hand, her face from protecting Sarah. She went home hungry because her food got stolen for sharing with Sarah, for not wating Sarah to be hungry. Both girls were being bullied, and they were protecting each other. His daughter had no other friends before school apart from Daniel, and she finally found another friend, one who helped protect her from bullies even if it meant she got bullied herself, and he decided to yell at the innocent girl’s mother for it. Twice.

Tommy was right. If you decided to stop Ellie from being friends with Sarah, he was done for. Sarah would never forgive him.

If that ever happens, his life would be over.

You were stacking some tomato soup on the shelf, standing on a small stool, tip toeing a little trying to get as many cans as you could on the top shelf, humming to yourself a little, your left ear filled with slow rock on low volume.

“Annie,” you heard your name called.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw him, standing next to the cart full of unboxed tomato soups with his hands in his pockets.

You chose to ignore him, coming down to get another box.

“Let me help you,” he offered, but you picked up the box and climbed back up, placing the box on a lower shelf. You got the box cutter out of your apron pocket and slashed the box on all four sides, tossing the top part back into the cart. Your resumed your work, ignoring him.

“Annie I’m sorry. I’m sorry for accusing Ellie of hurting Sarah, of stealing from Sarah, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, except that nothing I ever said to you during those moments reflect your parenting. It’s me. I have a problem. I’m the bad parent here, not you. I was projecting. I’m the one who felt inadequate, who felt like I failed my daughter and I took it out on you. I’m sorry Annie, I really am.”

“Annie, Sarah told me Ellie was just protecting her, Ellie had those marks on her because of Sarah, and I yelled at you for it, I accused her for it. Turns out someone was bullying Sarah, and Ellie protected her. They stole Sarah’s food, and Ellie offered her own lunch so Sarah wouldn’t go hungry. But they ended up stealing her food too,” he continued.

Your hands stopped working for a while. But then you carried on.

Hoping that was a sign you were listening, he went on. “Sarah won’t say who it was who was bullying her. Maybe you can ask Ellie? I was also hoping we could go see the headmaster together? I talked to Tess, asked her to look into it, but maybe if we involve the headmaster they could take action faster?”

Nothing. Box after box, you went on with your work, still humming. He stood there and waited for you until you were done, begging for your forgiveness every so often in hopes that you would respond, to no avail. He waited as you placed all the discarded box in the cart, picked up the stool and pushed the whole thing away, following you, still begging for your forgiveness, until you disappeared behind the double doors to the store room.

He tried again when you came back out to stock the shelves with various sanitary products, ignoring the looks the ladies in the aisle were giving you.

“Annie, please. It’s okay if you decide not to talk to me anymore, but please consider coming with me to see the headmaster. For the girls?”

“Annie,” someone else called out your name. “Everything okay?”

You looked up to see Frank standing there with his hands on his hips, eyeing Joel.

“Joel,” Frank greeted, his eyes wary.

“Frank,” Joel replied, “How’s Bill?”

“He’s alright. Annie, is he bothering you?”

Joel held his breath, waiting for your response. You shook your head slightly and he felt his lungs clear.

“Okay, let me know if he is,” Frank said, nodding at Joel, eyes still looing at him suspiciously.

Joel turned to look at you again, only to see you already pushing the cart back into storage, this time not coming back out.

“Ellie, Sarah’s Daddy told me someone was bullying you and Sarah? Stole your food? Is this true?”

Ellie nodded, her eyes focused on the sandwich in front of her.

“Who? Can you tell me who’s bullying you?”

Silence.

“Why didn’t you tell me, sweetie? I asked so many times!”

She was quiet for a bit, as if she was contemplating whether or not to answer you.

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me. I don’t want to go to the police station again. I don’t want you to get in trouble again. I always get you in trouble,” she said, looking sad and regretful.

Your heart sank. You pulled her into your arms, hugging her tight.

“Sweetie, I wasn’t mad at you, and I’m not gonna be mad at you for defending Sarah. And baby,” you said, pulling back so she could look you in the eyes, “You didn’t get me in trouble. I would die for you, it’s my job to protect you, and you won’t have to go to a police station for this, okay? I promise.”

“But when Papa died…”

The door to the staff lounge opened, and you shushed her. Understanding the predicament the two of you were in, she climbed off your lap and went back to eating her sandwich, and the two of you switched to thinking of plans to keep her lunch safe instead.

“I’m failing, Daze,” Joel whispered, speaking as softly as he could to avoid Sarah from hearing him. She had just finished telling her Mommy about her first week of school with much enthusiasm and was now admiring the bouquet of daisies someone had kindly left in the vase at the base of Daisy’s headstone. She had plucked one out and went to sit at one of the benches by the oak tree.

Correction. She had just finished telling her Mommy all about her new ‘bestest friend ever’, Ellie.

“I failed to protect her. She got bullied, Daze. Came home with marks on her body, bruises, scratches, and then I found out they stole her food, Daze. What kind of father am I that I can’t protect her from bullies?”

He sighed, “I should have paid attention in school, Daze. If I had, I could have homeschooled her,” he laughed.

“And that wasn’t even the worst of it all. When I saw a bruise on her arm, I got so blinded by rage, I forgot children fight. I got so mad at Ellie, at her mom, and when Sarah’s lunch box went missing I accused that girl of stealing too. Annie, her mom, she’s a single mom, such a sweet woman, and I yelled at her Daze. What kind of a man yells at an innocent woman?”

He could feel Daisy judging him, glaring at him, shaking her head at him. Joel found himself bracing for impact before telling her the next part.

“And you know what? Turns out, Ellie was protecting her! I yelled at and insulted an innocent single mom when I should be thanking her!”

And… there’s that phantom smack at the back of the head he was bracing for.

“I know, I know… I deserved that. I apologized, but I don’t think she wants to have anything to do with me ever again. I just hope she doesn’t stop Ellie from being friends with Sarah. Sarah would hate me for life if that happened. It took me two whole days to get back in her good books this time. God knows when she will talk to me again if Annie ended up stopping Ellie from talking to her.”

He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I promised Tess I would join her and Daniel for brunch today. She hasn’t really been out since Eddie passed. Poor woman. Daniel seems to be doing okay, though. But still… they’re struggling…”

“I should get going. Please say hi to Eddie if you see him, okay? I miss you Daze. See you next week.”

He turned around, “Sarah, come say goodbye to Mom…”

Sarah wasn’t where she was when he started speaking to Daisy.

His head went cold.

“Sarah!”

He stood up, panicked, looking around. He saw a few groups of people scattered around, each small group or singular person standing around their loved ones headstones. A few looked around at him when he hollered for his daughter.

The coldness that started in his head now spread all over his body.

“Sarah! Answer me Baby Girl! Sarah!”

“Joel? What’s wrong?” Tess came running, one hand pulling Daniel along.

“Sarah’s gone. She was right there, and then she was gone.”

“Okay, don’t panic, let’s split up, I’ll take the left. You take the right,” she suggested.

Joel was losing his mind, running around amongst the headstones calling for his daughter.

“Sarah!” he hollered, “Sarah! Answer me Baby Girl! Sarah!”

“Daddy!” he heard her call back. He turned around and saw Sarah run towards him, Ellie standing a few feet behind her, looking guilty.

“Where were you?”

“I was playing with Ellie!” she answered.

Joel could feel the familiar heat rising to his head. He could feel himself starting to lose it. But then he saw you, standing just a few feet behind Ellie.

You rushed towards Ellie, taking her hand, ready to protect your daughter from this deranged man’s wrath.

But the wrath never came.

“I see her,” Sarah said, “I go to her. I miss her. I’m sorry Daddy, I won’t do it again. Don’t yell at Ellie’s Mama again,” she pleaded.

Joel’s eyes fell to the dried leaf-filled cart behind you, the pile of fallen leaves near it, the trash bag in Ellie’s hands, Sarah’s soiled hands.

“I help Ellie collect leaves,” Sarah continued to explain, worry all across her features, her tiny hands on Joel’s hand, trying to stop him from advancing towards you and your daughter. 

His heart fell. Sarah was worried he might lose it again. He found himself feeling so disappointed in himself that his actions this week had made her see him like that.

He squatted in front of her, “No Baby Girl, I’m not gonna yell at her again. I was just worried about you. I couldn’t find you. Please don’t run away like that again, okay? At least let me know if you’re going somewhere else.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking worried. “I’m sorry Daddy,” she pleaded.

“It’s okay, just… next time tell me, okay?”

She nodded, hugging him.

The first hug she had given him since he accused Ellie of stealing from her.

He picked her up and walked towards you and Ellie.

“I’m sorry, I was just about to look for you. She just wandered over and started picking leaves up,” you started, worried he was going to accuse you of putting his child to work. Ellie stood in front of you, looking wary.

“No, I’m sorry, I just panicked. Turned around and she wasn’t there,” he said, putting Sarah down. “Need help?” he asked, looking at the huge pile that was still there.

“No, I’ve got it,” you said, “Say goodbye to Sarah sweetie, you’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Please,” Joel said, not daring to take another step, worried you would find his actions aggressive.

You stopped walking, but your eyes were not on him.

“I’m sorry, I really am. Please forgive me. Please don’t punish Sarah for my actions. She really likes being friends with Ellie,” he pleaded.

Your eyes narrowed, “I don’t punish children for their parents’ actions, Mr Miller.”

He felt as if he had gotten slapped.

“I deserve that,” he mumbled, looking at his feet.

But he couldn’t help but feel down at the fact that you called him Mr Miller. He was Joel to you on Tuesday.

You didn’t respond, your grasp on the cart tightened.

“You work here too?” he asked, desperate to not feel as small as he was feeling at that moment, trying to make things a bit less awkward.

“They live here. That’s their house!” Sarah chirped, pointing at a stone cottage in the distance.

“You live in a cemetery?” Tess’s voice chimed in, she and Daniel approaching. “You found her,” she said, offering her other hand to Sarah.

Sarah went closer to Ellie, taking her hand instead, both girls eyeing Daniel.

“When you said you lived near the cemetery, I didn’t imagine you actually lived on the land,” Joel said, his eyes still on you.

You still didn’t respond, not really knowing what to say, and not really in the mood to, to be honest. You only said something before to stop him from attacking you again.

“Everything okay here?” Bill asked, the man approaching with a leaf blower in his hand.

“Hey Bill,” Joel greeted.

“Joel,” Bill nodded, his eyes much like his husband’s as he surveyed what had looked to him like a stand off from the distance.

“Everything’s fine,” you answered, taking Ellie’s hand. “Come on Ellie, you’ll see Sarah tomorrow, okay Sarah? I’m sure your Daddy has places to be,” you coaxed the girl. She nodded, going for Joel’s hand instead of Tess’s offered one.

Joel gave up, seeing how uncomfortable you were with him there. “I’ll be going then, I hope to see you around.”

He leaned in a little and whispered, “I will keep trying to get back in your good book. I hope I’ll have the chance to. I’m really sorry for being such an ass, Annie,” he pleaded, reaching out to pat Ellie on the shoulder, the girl pulling away with a sourpuss.

“We really should go, Joel, we don’t want to be late,” Tess said, slipping her hand in Joel’s unoccupied arm. “See you around Annie!”

You nodded, pushing the cart and pulling your daughter’s hand at the same time. Bill took the cart from you and the trash bag from Ellie’s hand and told you he would take care of the pile, getting straight to work scooping the leaves into the cart.

Daniel started whining about being hungry, so Joel started walking away, looking back to see you one more time.

“Lives in a cemetery, huh? I don’t know how to feel about that,” Tess said, looking at you too.

“Nothing wrong with it, she must work here.”

“She brought her daughter to work with her? Playing among headstones? I don’t know. Can’t really imagine it. Each to their own, I suppose,” she said. “I don’t know if I can do it,” she laughed.

“Your child literally goes to school where you work,” Joel defended you.

“Yeah. My place of work isn’t morbid,” she laughed. “I’m joking, sheesh!” she said when she saw the grumpy look on his face. “I forgot you are crushing on her. God forbid someone jokes about your girlfriend, huh Miller?” she elbowed him a little.

“I’ll see you there. Tommy will meet us there too,” Joel said, pulling his arm away and led Sarah to his truck, turning around to look your direction, hoping to see a final glimpse of you. You were long gone.

“Order for us if you get there first, the usual. We’ll do the same for you if we get there first,” Tess said, unlocking her car.

Joel simply nodded, his eyes still looking for you.

“You don’t want to sit next to Daniel?” Tess asked her niece, helping the little girl into the chair she had chosen, across from her instead of next to Daniel or in front of him.

Sarah shook her head, settling in her seat. Joel and Tommy walked in, taking their seats, Tommy high fiving Daniel and giving Sarah kisses and a few tickles.

The three adults talked and caught up while the two kids watched something on Joel and Tess’s phones, both ignoring each other. Halfway through their meal, the door chimed. Joel looked up.

His heart leapt with hope and joy.

You had walked in with Ellie and a woman he had seen at his store every now and again. The three of you took a seat by the window a table away from theirs.

Sarah saw you and company and immediately lit up.

“Ellie!” she called out, taking her headphones off and jumping off her chair.

“Sarah, maybe don’t bother them?” Tess called out, “They might want to be alone!”

“Oh, it’s okay,” the lady with you said. “We don’t mind,” she smiled at Sarah. “This must be Sarah. I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Hello,” Sarah shyly greeted, taking a seat next to Ellie. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Maria,” Maria introduced herself. “Are you done eating?”

“No. But I want to sit with Ellie,” Sarah said.

You looked at Joel for permission. His eyes were already on you. You made a gesture asking if it would be okay for Sarah to join your table.

“I’m okay if you don’t mind,” Joel said, standing up to take Sarah’s plate and cup to you.

“No,” Tommy hurriedly said, “I’ll do it,” he picked up the plate and cup and brought them over.

“Hi,” he said, holding a hand out to Maria, “I’m Tommy, I’m Joel’s brother,” he said, shaking your hand next.

“Hi,” Maria responded, “I’ve you at the store. Miller’s DIY, right?”

“That’s right,” Tommy said, sitting down.

“Would you like to move to a bigger table?” the server asked, “We can push the tables together, the girls can sit at the next table,” she suggested.

“That would be great!” Maria and Tommy chorused, both of them seemingly oblivious to the discomfort between you and Joel. Sarah and Ellie were quick to move, excited to have a private table all to themselves. You hadn’t even digested the idea of moving tables before you were corralled by an eager Tommy towards the table and found yourself plopped down next to Joel. Tommy took Daniel’s plates to the kids table and sat down, Maria taking Daniel’s place.

The server took Sarah’s meal to her and waited for you, Maria and Ellie to order.

The table fell into an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, you and Joel eyeing each other, both wondering if the other was kay with this arrangement neither of you had agreed with. Tommy and Maria immediately got to talking, seemingly unaware of the awkwardness between you and Joel.

It felt like forever for the food to arrive. When everyone had a plate of food in front of them, things were less awkward, but there was still a slight discomfort between you and Joel, but at least you had something else to focus on.

“I’m sorry for that comment I made,” Joel mumbled so only you could hear. “About the crusts and yolk with ketchup. That was…” the expression on his face completed his thoughts. “It won’t happen again.”

“So, Annie, where did you move from again? Florida, right?” Tess asked.

“How did you know that?” you asked, a nervous lump in your throat for the inevitable follow up questions.  

“Oh, I think Miss Lydia told me. Where in Florida? Must be a bit of a change to move somewhere with four seasons,” Tess prodded.

“How long have you been teaching at the school?” Maria asked Tess, and you felt yourself exhale in relief.

Conversation between the three of them flowed for a bit, you and Joel listening, though you could feel his eyes on you. It took everything you had not to look at him, focusing instead on Maria’s face.

Whatever conversation that was flowing at your table was interrupted by Ellie’s voice from the next table, followed by a chaotic scuffle.

“Stop! Don’t do that! You’re hurting her!”

Part 6

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