Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk
“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”
Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?
Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby
Husband: RIVETING!
Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️
Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!
Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk
All of tumblr collectively at my husband:
Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream
Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!
Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued
Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.
THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND
yes he just walks around the house and talks to her like this
Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays
Husband: Now Penny there is a lot of misinformation out there in the world and I hate to tell you this but the moon is in fact not made of cheese. That is a conspiracy theory pushed by Big Dairy.
????
Husband: Holds Penny Rose up to her reflection in the microwave
Husband: you see Penny Rose! This was the M. Night Shyamalan twist! You were mirror baby all along!
FYI this is how you get a Deals Warlock if you were wondering
I have follow up questions:
1) Did you participate in baby talk to make up for your husband's deficit, or did you also opt to speak to the Deals Warlock like a very tiny adult from babyhood?
1a) If you participated in baby talk with Penny, did she ever do any code switching with you while she was learning to talk (I mean, babyish talk back to you but fully formed adult like you share with us to Lawyer Dad)?
I didn't baby talk with her very much either! I think I squealed at her more than my husband did.
Something funny that has happened is that while she formally calls me Mama when she's answering me in passing she does call me "My Darling Love" and I don't know for sure but I think it's because I call her and her father "my loves" and her father calls me and her "darlings" and she's created a mash up 😂
So I'll say "okay penny it's time for bed" and I'll just hear "okay my darling love!" 😂
Everyone is always so so kind on this post but I do want to warn you all that this did in fact lead to an insanely verbal child, and if you choose that life you have to commit to that life.
Penny Rose is now 5 years old and she
1. Starts talking the moment she opens her eyes to the moment she passes out at night
2. Asks, and I am not exaggerating I counted, an average of 892 questions a day
3. Does not accept "I don't know" as an answer to said questions, will usually have a follow up question as to why you don't know OR a suggestion on how we can find out together
I pay for limitless data and have 709 Google tabs open on my phone at all times
1) My dad was also like this with me. Best example - reading a manual for a washing machine to me as an infant. Didn't turn into a Deals Warlock, but I did become a writer, so make of that what you will.
2) If you are the type of person who counts how many questions your child asks you in a day, and didn't give up after like ten of 'em, *and* potentially did so more than once (you said she "averages" at 892, meaning you might have gotten your data from at least two days)... then I think she is Like That because of both sides of her family, actually
