Disorganization Central

i fucking hate fruit flies literally get out of my face im not a fruit

wait.

shout out to the drag queen last night who started the show with “ladies, gentlemen, and those of us who know better’

*goes to egg your house but I find out you're vegan so I ¼ cup of unsweetened applesauce your house instead*

sorry for not answering messages for three thousand years i have. Stew. in place of a brain. you know how it is

I think sitting on the floor of the ocean for a few hours would fix me

I should be a shipwreck

I want to shut up forever but I’m always thinking of more dumb shit to say

no, spotify, i don't want to use ai to "turn my ideas into playlists". i already fucking do that with my brain and hands and i do it for fun. what, should i get ai to pet my cat for me? to play my silly games for me? to spend time with my beautiful wife for me? how about i rend you asunder

having a cat is great. there's a small little animal wandering around. effervescent

EATING MY CHARGER

hey sorry for getting really pissy at you earlier because I could hear you chewing. see I have a condition called [remembers pathologizing my behavior is unhelpful] it's actually because I hate you, specifically,

In britain, you can't just call someone a "guy" or "dude" anymore. Because of bloke.

i said it was my favorite piece of media that i’ve hyperfixated on since the tender age of 12 and have not let go of since. i didnt say it was a Good piece of media

“what do you like about it so much?” the fact that it cocooned me like a tender wool blanket during my vulnerable teenage years. next question

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

Thank you for adding this image description! Just wanted to clarify that it’s not stylised, but actual Middle English. The text is from The Canterbury Tales.