This is the thing @raimeblackwater - Tumblr Blog

op disabled reblogs but i really wanted this post on my blog again

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coughloop

Worlds oldest haunted house has passed away at the age of 207

coughloop

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of... maybe everything actually

nowhere else

Charlie Kirk is scheduled to speak at UVU. I have the opportunity to do the funniest thing of all time

sparrowthemormon

IT WASN'T ME I PROMISE

sapphire-wine

cipheramnesia

Lakes and graveyards are very similar in that if you detonate a large explosion inside either one a lot of dead bodies come to the surface.

geekandmisandry

Hi, um. How is being the necromancer's apprentice going for you OP?

cipheramnesia

You want I should raise dead, I raise dead, no problem. You want banish dead, no problem, have plenty more nitro. I do this, ten minutes.

dee-the-red-witch

CHUNKY STEW IS NOT BANISHMENT.

cipheramnesia

Chunky stew, very bad necromancer. We banish, no problem, no chunks. I give you number of cousin Yvgeny. Will power wash house, very good prices. No other necromancer does this for you.

geekandmisandry

Is....is...is Yvgeny....alive?

cipheramnesia

Eh. Is alive enough.

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somecunttookmyurl

one of my favourite things about my boyfriend is that he's 6'4 but convinced he is a normal sized person and this does not constitute "tall"

once, if not twice, a week the card game shop he plays digimon at upload a top-4 photo best described as "gandalf and the hobbits" and every time he is genuinely baffled as to why he looks like that

somecunttookmyurl

told him i made this post and he's still insistent that he isn't tall

bf: i'm not tall! i feel like everyone i see is around the same height as me. like people in the street

me: they aren't

bf: but i can see their faces! if i'm looking at their faces they must be the same height

me: you're looking down slightly babe

bf: why would i do that

me: because you're tall

somecunttookmyurl

incidentally the fact i am 5'5 also comes as a shock to him at least once a day and then he inevitably asks if i'm "normally that short"

somecunttookmyurl

if you lean in real close you can hear his singular brain cell bouncing around like a windows screensaver

roskapanda

Has your boyfriend got his eyesight checked? Bc when I don’t wear my glasses I’m nice and close to the ground but when I do it’s HOLY SHIT WHY AM I THIS TALL, I’M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, HELP ME time and it’s genuinelly terrifying.

somecunttookmyurl

he wears glasses he's just dumb

somecunttookmyurl

update to this post from yesterday:

bf: apparently only 7% of people are over 6' tall me: yes........? bf: that isn't very many. am i tall? me: i cannot believe we are having this discussion again. yes. you are tall. you are still tall. you were tall yesterday. you will be tall tomorrow bf: oh my god i'm tall aren't i me: my love the netherlands is the tallest country in the world and even there average male height is 6' 0.5". you are tall by "kingdom of giants" standards, even. but we live on "shortarse island", so... bf: AM i tall though me: you are 6ft 4

somecunttookmyurl

he is he's very pretty

teacupsandtimelords

Can he make spinach puffs? Asking for irrelevant reasons....

somecunttookmyurl

having watched emperors new groove (it's my favourite) he does understand this reference but also he really loves cooking so you saying this has now prompted him to look up how to make spinach puffs

which is to say that yes, he is kronk

somecunttookmyurl

fun fact they're both the same person. same 6'4 boyfriend referred to himself as a short king because he thought it meant a man who really likes wearing shorts

Large dog energy

I saw this and felt like it should be shared here too

rubaedo

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grimes

tiktoks-i-enjoyed

wyrmicelli

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

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YOU hates terfs

rb if u hates terfs

official-pussy-posts-2

Official ‘terfs get out of my house’ Post

honeyglot

this is what GOOD pussy sounds like [geiger counter noises]

doyoulovethewayzeylily

imagine you had a friend who constantly made jokes at the expense of something you loved. they're never funny, but they seem to expect you to laugh even though the punchline is just, "this thing you love sucks ass". it's not even really a joke, there's nothing funny about it, you can tell that they genuinely actually believe it. but they insist it's just a joke!

no matter what the situation is, they're always bringing the social interaction to a screeching halt with these jokes. nobody ever wants to participate in this joke with them. nobody agrees with the premise. nobody ever knows what to say afterwards, it's just an awkward moment and a subject change. but they just keep doing it.

you have to stop with the self-deprecatory "humor", it's not fun for anyone including you.

doyoulovethewayzeylily

#actual advice: switch to self-aggrandizing humor #have the biggest ego in the world even if it's fake #does wonders

as the smartest and most beautiful woman in the world, I can confirm this

basic-banshee

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

basic-banshee

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

Well, which one is it going to be?

basic-banshee

And so it begins

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

basic-banshee

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

basic-banshee

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

basic-banshee

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

justluckyiguess

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

basic-banshee

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

basic-banshee

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

cooliopumpkin

basic-banshee

This is the feedback I’ve been looking for

charlesoberonn

world-heritage-posts

world heritage post

wholesomepostarchive

1/22/2022

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king-carnivore

what really fucks me up about watching the truman show in 2025 is how it's not fictional. truman is fictional, but the truman show isn't.

there's thousands of truman shows. you find them on youtube, tiktok, instagram... family and mommy vloggers, sad beige moms and now the trend of neglectful moms showing the "reality" of parenting. all of them using their kids for entertainment. each child their own truman; living a life manufactured by their parents, a camera watching their every moment, broadcasted for the entire world to see.

king-carnivore

tbh, i didn't even think about that when i made my post and holy shit you're so fucking right

preserving-tiktok

taraljc

This is an awesome use of what is probably a master's degree if not a doctorate and I am 100% thrilled that she shared it even though it was embarrassing and she squeaked.

liminalbeauty

Thank you, adorable scientist, for making people's lives better.

punchspeedchunk

As an Australian, THIS WOMAN IS A FUCKING GODSEND.

weaselle

Californian (sup, fellow desert-havers) i've been using this since i saw it and it works so fucken good dude (i often have to put like 8 dogs in my car, so it's extra important my car isn't attempting to go super-nova when we get in)

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