vaguely Disreputable space wizard™ @punsbulletsandpointythings - Tumblr Blog

I don't want a gender I just want to look like a vaguely disreputable wizard.

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confuzing

Some sort of Bluebeard PIDW AU where new husband Shen Yuan finally gets curious and opens the locked door his husband Luo Binghe told him not to an inside is a delimbed Shen Jiu- who looks exactly fucking like him.

confuzing

I'm usually not a fan of the pickle jar, (haven't watched the donghua) but for this AU I can see Shen Yuan being like, how the fuck do I move this man without hurting him?? And the answer is padded pickle jar.

Binghe's calling Shen Yuan telepathically like, "Honey come back you don't understand! He was mean to meee!"

"Oh really? So you multilated a guy who looks exactly like me and then went and married me anyway? You know that's worse right? What were you going to do if we fought about something??"

Shen Jiu stirring the pot like "He probably would have locked you in there with me, maybe ripped a leg off so you couldn't run away."

Binghe: "Nooooooo!"

poorlittleyaoyao

It’s unfortunate that MDZS isn’t mainstream enough to reference in casual offline conversation, because “this is what killed Nie Mingjue” is thee best possible way to describe an offensively grating piece of music and there is simply no normie equivalent.

lunnitavaldez

Merman husbands!🐟❤🐟

kelenia

Look at our emperor bro, we’re so screwed

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eliotheman

”This portrayal of a marginalized group was wrong then and is wrong now” and “This portrayal of a marginalized group was very progressive for the time period and paved the way for more representation while likely limited by factors outside of the creator’s control” are two statements that can and should ABSOLUTELY coexist and be kept in mind when interacting with older media

lemonylemus

Great example

bunjywunjy

Has a baleen whale ever been kept in captivity for any length of time? If so was it successfully released or did it die?

there have been several instances of young baleen whales running afoul of something and being captured for rehabilitation, yes! they were mostly gray whales.

which makes sense, gray whales are slow enough to get caught in the first place and hardy enough to not immediately stress themselves to death over being poked and put in a tank (as long as hundreds of pounds of delicious shellfish are on offer, anyway)

none of them were ever kept very long, they were rehabilitated to a healthy weight and then released. (healthy weight for a juvenile gray whale is almost 20,000 lbs. BIG baby)

bunjywunjy

mtraki

this lives in the post now

confuzing

Shang Qinghua's whole face went red and he actually started tearing up. "You're so mean bro!"

Shen Qingqiu took another sip of his tea, "If you can't handle the truth that's your problem. Not my fault you fell for a mean girl gym rat."

"He's totally a himbo!" Shang Qinghua protested.

Shen Qingqiu shook his head, "Mobei Jun is definitely not pure of heart enough to be a himbo."

"He is!"

"Your inability to look beyond his massive pecs is pathetic." Shen Qingqiu scoffed. "As is your obsession with people being himbos."

"Binghe isn't a himbo either." Shang Qinghua snapped.

"Of course not! Binghe's too smart!" Shen Qingqiu replied immediately. "I'm offended you'd even suggest he is one!"

Before the argument could continue there was a loud crash from outside.

Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua looked out the nearest window. Liu Qingge was on the lawn nearby, wrestling with a One Horned Demon Ox Elephant.

Shang Qinghua sighed. "I told the beast Peak their paddocks weren't strong enough to hold that thing when they ordered it."

The One Horned Demon Ox Elephant flung Liu Qingge off and into a nearby gazebo.

"Ugh repairs are going to be a nightmare." Shang Qinghua said.

"Shidi!" Shen Qingqiu called to Liu Qingge. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" Liu Qingge replied immediately. "Stay inside!"

"Hey." Shang Qinghua said. When Shen Qingqiu didn't reply he poked the other man and repeated. "Hey."

"What?"

"What about Liu-shidi?"

"What about him?"

"Looks like a himbo to me," Shang Qinghua said.

"... he's not muscly enough." Shen Qingqiu protested weakly.

"The requirements are strong of body, pure of heart, dumb of ass. Nothing in there about muscle size." Shang Qinghua countered. "He definitely fits."

"He's not..." Shen Qingqiu started to say but he trailed off apparently unwilling to say out loud that Liu Qingge wasn't dumb.

Shang Qinghua had moved on to the rest of the Peak Lords. "I think Wei Qingwei qualifies too- though I could see an argument that he's too smart... Yue Qingyuan? No-"

"Zhangmen-shixiong is absolutely a himbo." Shen Qingqiu countered immediately, with absolute certainty.

"He's too smart-"

"He's not. Zhangmen-shixiong is an idiot and definitely a himbo."

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

krystal-prisms

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

gosh I enjoy this website

authoratmidnight

For comparison, this is a daffodil

quietlygrousing

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

maejacrezz007

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

$fractiousrvt blog's avatar$

fractiousrvt

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

blood-trip-god2

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

delphinidin4

This is a marigold:

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

jmtorres

“buttercups” is a name applied to MANY flowers. in my part of the south it was this one:

imo there’s correct identifications of dandelions, daffodils, easter lilies and marigolds in this thread, but buttercups are simply impossible to agree on and the only solution is for everyone to post pictures of their local buttercups

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

demon-and-human

Hello I would like to add to the confusion:

That purple fella is a Morning Glory as told by my mothers (texan)

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

⬆️ morning glory

#gaudy is correct #the rest of you are Insane

red-garden

As much as I love darker skinned Binghe— and I do, I think it makes more sense for him to have a darker tan from working outside/in the abyss so much— YOU CANNOT have SVSSS’s only mixed race character who’s designed to be a pervert of the sex who crashes out and kills people sometimes be the ONLY CHARACTER you make darker skinned. Chat, I am BEGGING you to be more self aware than that.

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ricochetoconnell

fancy-waffles

reverse transmigration AU where Bing-ge ends up trying to find the god that made his life like this and ends up crashing with Airplane angrily making him write better "alternative routes" for himself, but they're terrible because it's all Luo Binghe self-insert fiction when he has zero self-awareness and Airplane doesn't want to die but he's also dying because ARTISTIC INTEGRITY (or at least, you know he's not even getting PAID for breaking it this time) -- and Peerless Cucumber is getting basically edged with NEW LUO BINGHE stories that start out interesting and then devolve into nonsense and somehow starts being meaner than normal in comments--however that doesn't get noticed immediately by either of them because he's always mean and a lot of the comments are ANNOYED because there's no papapa and adventuring in the ways they expect (and Airplane would like to say that it's HARD TO WRITE a smut scene while the POV character is angrily looking at you with murder eyes--except no wait, maybe he is into that actually and so at least one of them is good).

luo binghe eventually makes an account to argue with everyone in the comments, but cannot defeat peerless cucumber who is seriously concerned that airplane might have had a mental break with these new stories and starts paying for private DMs to harass and check on him, while at the same time arguing with Bing-ge's handle (which is like SupremeEmperorACTuALLYYES because all the other emperor variants were taken), because clearly whoever is writing Bing-ge's forum posts completely misunderstands the character and is focusing on the wrong things

so airplane is having multiple existential crises (because some of these ideas are not terrible, please let him write them out, bro-son!) and bing-ge is angry because every time he goes back to his dimension none of the changes airplane made are sticking (or they are but it all goes wrong and then that means peerless cucumber is RIGHT and that cannot stand) and shen yuan is wondering how insane he'd have to be to hire a private detective merely to find airplane and make sure he wasn't actively dying

caprart1

i DO believe that a good writer can make mischaracterization work. oh there's a character who doesn't normally cry? figure it out!! dissect the character. make the situation cryable for them. make that character cry ugly tears even if it goes against their very nature. YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK!!!

wordfather

they're a problematic character TO YOU. they're problematic to me as well but I'm being weird and horny about it so it's different

tanoraqui

that theory that the Arkenstone is a Silmaril…it’s doubly implausible, but imagine if nobody knew. If the dwarves were guarded enough of their greatest treasure that…you wouldn’t even need to hide it from that many people, honestly. Mostly a few elves, and all wizards.

and then Bilbo sidles up to Gandalf like, “Thorin and all are holed up in the Mountain, but I think they’re being nuts, so I…kind of stole the Arkenstone, I think.” And (it’s been thousands of years since the light of the trees was doused save for the precious brilliance locked away in Feanor’s gems, since oaths and blood and war that raged until the skies cracked and the earth shattered, and the little people of the Shire have no memory of it at all) he pulls out a fucking Silmaril.

tanoraqui

Gandalf: *spittake*

Gandalf: *hurriedly glances at Thranduil. the king of Mirkwood’s eyes shine with curiosity and greed, but not recognition, nor the terrible lust that overtook Feanor and his sons. right, right, he was never in Thingol’s court while the jewel that Luthien and Beren took was there. we’re good. we’re good for now*

Gandalf: That’s, uh, nice, Bilbo. Put it away, would you?

tanoraqui

Gandalf, telepathically(?): EMERGENCY RINGBEARERS ONLY CONFAB NOW

Gandalf: [mental image of a goddam Silmaril in hobbit hands, labelled “thisfuckingrockagain.jpg”]

Galadriel, who watched 95% of her family slaughter everyone within 100 miles for several thousand years over these things, including each other and themselves: no.

Elrond, who was very nearly one of those people slaughtered, and did watch most of his town be killed before he and his twin were kidnapped for a while: Absolutely Fucking Not.

Gandalf: Apparently fucking yes. The legendary Arkenstone-

Galadriel: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Elrond: Thorin Oakenshield has a Silmaril right now?

Gandalf: No, no.

Gandalf: Bilbo stole it.

Elrond: *wordless sputtering*

Gandalf: @Galadriel [information packet: BilboBagginsoftheShire.pdf]

Galadriel: Oh yes, Belladonna’s boy, you were telling me about him last winter.

Galadriel: Btw, orc+warg army probably coming your way. Spotted it in the mirror last night. Thank goodness we dealt with Dol Goldur at least, huh?

Elrond: No fucking shit.

tanoraqui

Gandalf @Gwaihir Windlord: hey, sorry to bother you again, I know it’s nearly mating season. but we have a situation again

Gandalf: [thisfuckingrockagain.jpg]

Gandalf: [oncomingorcwargarmy.jpg]

Gandalf: [flashbacktobadasseaglesinwarofwrathhinthint.mov]

avelera

I mean, given that Tolkien retconned “The Hobbit” so Bilbo’s little invisibility ring became an ancient piece of jewelry that controls minds and drives the mighty mad, one can at least understand why it seems plausible that the other shiny white gem that destroys empires and makes the mighty go mad with greed could be linked from his kid’s book to his gigantic early mythology in retrospect??

crazy-pages

You know this actually explains a lot about why Gandalf didn’t immediately raise the alarm about Bilbo’s ring out of an abundance of caution. I mean, what are the odds, what are the fucking odds, that this one little hobbit stole both a Silmaril and the Ring of Power? Like, you are Gandalf the Grey and you have already dealt with the heart attack to end all heart attacks because this little innocent fool stole a world war inspiring artifact once. You still get flashbacks every time Bilbo offers to show you something and have to employ all of your angel’s serenity and thousands of years of learned composure not start giBbERinG “ pleaseletitnotbeanotherartifactpleaseletitnotbeanotherartifact”. And then. AND THEN! One day he’s like, “hey Gandalf let me show you this neat ring I found back on our journey”. And on the inside a tiny part of you is screaming “nottheoneringnottheoneringnottheonering” while a more rational part of your brain assures you it could not possibly be the one- “It’s this plain gold ring that’s very precious to me and turns me invisible!”

AND THEN YOU FUCK OFF AND SEARCH THROUGH EVERY POSSIBLE TOME YOU CAN TO PROVE IT CAN’T REALLY BE THE RING OF POWER, SAURON’S RING OF POWER, THAT RING, THE ONE RING, LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TOME, BEFORE FINALLY FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THIS SHIT IS REALLY HAPPENING AGAIN

countesskittymeow

@shewhodoesnotexist what says you? :P

shewhodoesnotexist

I’ve never been a proponent of this theory, but I gotta admit the idea of Bilbo finding two world war inspiring artifacts is alluring ;D

Next you’ll be telling me Sting is Gurthang

abrownpanther

Sting may or may not be Angrist, the knife that Beren used to get the Silmarill off of Morgoth’s crown

queenofthequillandink

“Average Hobbit finds at least one world war inspiring artifact when on a journey” statistic inaccurate. The Spiders Took Family, who find a world war inspiring artifact every five feet they step outside the Shire, were outliers and should not have been counted.

sunderwight

Bilbo: I’m not a burglar I wouldn’t even know how to be!

Also Bilbo: *trips and grabs seven legendary artifacts on the way down*

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red-garden

Sometimes I think “Christ, why the fuck would Shen Jiu not change his name before joining Cang Qiong, that’s such an obvious mistake” before I remember that Shen Jiu actively wants his life to go up in flames around him and it makes sense again

confuzing

Immediately post Qijiu reunion, as the Sect Leader and other Peak Lords are approaching.

Yue Qi: *consumed with shame and aware that he probably just totally ruined his reunion with Xiao Jiu*

Shen Jiu: *steps on his foot to get his attention* Do Not tell them my real name.

Yue Qi: ...

Sect Leader: Yue Qingyuan! What happened? Who is this?

Yue Qi: uuuuuuuuuhhhhh. This is Yue... Xiao.

SJ, quietly: What.

Sect Leader: Yue Xiao. ...Is he related to you?

Yue Qi: Yes. He's ...uh ... my little brother I have definitely mentioned before! We were tragically separated just before I joined the sect and I have been looking for him everywhere!

SJ, less quietly: What!

Sect Leader: Well I don't remember you ever mentioning a sibling but I also don't know why you'd make up such a stupid lie so it must be true.

SJ: *now deeply confused about whether or not Qi-ge hates him*

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vaguely Disreputable space wizard™