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How does one sit with her feelings? They are messy and don't make sense. I hate it when they don't make sense. God, I crave control. I need to be right. I hate being this half woman who can't decide what to do with her heart.
will never know your eyes will never know your perfume will never know your fingertips will never know your routines will never know your heartbeat will never know your warmth will never know your arms will never know your favorite shirt will never know your sigh will never know your face in the sunset will never see you bathed in the moonlight will never know how long we'd talk under the stars will never know your cheek pressed against mine will never sit with you on the beach will never see you get stronger will never know why you came back will never know why you lied will never know why you hurt me will never know how can a heart still break after it stopped beating will never know why will never know why will never know why why why please please please im sorry i hurt you im sorry i fucked up i did this to us i never knew what to do with you i loved you more than i knew how to handle do you know i still love you do you know i still wish it was me do you know i still write about you i found an old clip of us you were laughing so freely so carelessly so lovely dear God how i wish i could still make you laugh like that dear God i cannot remember the last time i made you laugh like that dear God im sorry im sorry im sorry maybe it was never about you maybe im just fucked up in the head.
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This was made using royalty free pngs that i put together and colored in. It's the closest ive done to making art in years. It's such a depression friendly method i had so much fun with it i might just make more ๐ฉท๐
Anyway hi i got my heart broken by a french boy and now im back xoxo
still living with my parents as an adult is just like. i'm grateful to not have to pay for groceries. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to have a roof over my head and not have to pay rent. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to not have to worry about sending out endless job applications that all lead to nowhere. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful i'm grateful i'm so fucking grateful. i have to get out of here
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to deny location sharing and turn off personalized ads and reject all non-essential cookies and not set up siri and face ID
My first time meeting Joss (@Joss.here on Instagram) was through her farewell post. She is an artist who died around a month ago. Failed a year long (maybe longer) battle with cancer. I hope she rests in peace.
It made me think about my own death, my own creations. I've realized my most crippling fear is dying with unfinished business. Unfinished stories. I cried a little. For her. For me. For the absolute dread that is writing your goodbye message; in which you thank your supporters and hope you can continue to make art from above. I think Joss hated the thought of leaving with unfinished business too. Her last words to the world, to the billions of strangers on the internet, were to reassure them that she will keep creating, even in death. I do not know if she was religious, though I am. I do not know what it means for me that I have to physically remind myself that, when push comes to shove, God's wrath should matter more than a fictive construct in my head. That when I pray, my utmost wish is to not die with unfinished business.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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