Fuck Police Lives

- middle aged man who ordered matcha and then just Stood There and watched me make it. when i handed it to him he said i did a good job whisking it and handed me $1.25. ten minutes later when he and his wife left he shouted across the store that i have "good whisk technique" and "don't lose that!"

- woman who ordered a drink with the word "salty" in the name and then said "but with salted caramel." and when i said yeah that one comes with salted caramel she said "really? not just normal caramel?" and it took every ounce of my self control not to say yeah girl that's why it's called. Salty.

I really like how the scientology speedrunning trend is developing, in this clip we see that the participants are

Not deterred by the closed door

Working as a group

Protecting their identities

Inflicting material costs to the institution via property destruction

Getting away at the end

Waitress taking my order: Such arrogance! Not only do you presume to boast under the guise of being humble, but your order employs the most decadent of linguistic excesses - the tautology!

My date, who until recently thought "tautology" referred to the study of tensile strengths and upon learning her mistake compensated by reading through its Wikipedia article: That would be more correctly identified as a "pleonasm".

The editor I hired to curate my posts who styles himself as a sort of scheming court advisor: My liege, this one is getting away from us. The punchline loses much of its impact when the rest of the joke is derailed by this increasingly self-indulgent meta humour. Were it up to me, your Grace, which of course it is not, I would cut the others and leave myself as the only supporting character. You need noone else, Your Majesty...