"are you gonna take those pills the rest of your life?" you mean my molecules? why surely you wouldn't deprive me of my molecules. they are shaped exactly just so, you see. my molecules
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she was dead silent on the drive home, but that was okay. sometimes, after band practice, she was just out of words. it was a short drive to her house. the only part where it actually felt weird was after i pulled up her parent’s driveway.
after that, the silence stretched so far it smeared and left a weird residue. she kept looking at the car door like she wanted to leave, so i looked at the door too, then she looked at me, and i looked at her, and my first thought was that she was going to tell me that the door was stuck. i was used to that car always doing some damn thing. it was the car me and all my siblings had learned to drive in, and it was really beat to hell. there were dents all over the body, which we’d unsuccessfully tried fixing up with spackle. it had looked nice for maybe a week, but then the sun wrecked it - the spackle cracked up like the mud on the bottom of a dry riverbed and turned a sort of off yellow-white that made the car looked like it had been molded out of chicken shit. it also had a bullet hole it through the cabin that whistled like a toothless old man whenever the car went above 40, so loud it could drown out the radio, and a cabin that smelled so strongly of bugspray that even the arizona summer we drove everywhere we could with the windows down.
(if you have kids one day, you will maybe, possibly, begin to understand how much i loved that car.)
anyway, i was thinking about what else could possibly be wrong with the chickenshitmobile, and she just kept looking at me, and then i wondered if there was something on my face, and she just kept looking at me, and then the penny dropped and i realized she was trying to work up the nerve to break up with me.
now, i’d seen her work up the nerve to do things like this before – it could take quite a while. and knowing it was about to happen made the waiting immediately unbearable.
so i said hey.
and she looked at me, very startled, and said hey back real small. like she’d been caught. and in a way, i suppose she had.
and i said it’s okay. you can just say it. i’ll be okay.
i’m always okay.
and she said: i’m really sorry.
i loved her, you know? it was highschool, but teenagers are capable of love. the way people love changes over time just as much as the way they stand, or the way they talk, but things don’t stop existing just because they're different. opposite really – a thing only stops changing when it's fully gone.
and i said, nothing to be sorry for, and i meant it. she looked a little relived, and i was happy to give her that peace. then she left. i watched her make it through the front door, because that was just habit at that point, and then i sat there a while afterwards, checking how i felt. and the answer was not good, but good enough to make it home. good enough to limp on.
so i put my car in reverse, took my last look goodbye, and immediately backed into her neighbor’s car.
crunch.
air bags didn't go off, which was good. i left a decent dent in the bumper of the other car. genuinely couldn’t tell if i did anything to my car – anything wrong with it just kind of blended together into the general ecosystem of hand mottled, sun cracked, chickenshit spackle.
i checked my glove box, and my car insurance info was, of course, out of date. my phone was dead too. as a teenager, my phone was less my lifeline to my friends, and more my tether to my parents, so i wasn’t particularly conscious of keeping it charged. both my fault.
i sat there a few minutes, trying to think of the best way to handle things, and there was only one answer i could think of, and i hated that answer, so i spent a few more minutes trying and failing to think of a better one, and then a few more coming to peace with what had to be done.
then i went back to knock on my now ex’s front door.
her dad opened, which i was very relieved over, even if he seemed less than thrilled. he looked me over, and in a firm, but slightly apologetic way said: she does not want to see you right now.
(i think he assumed i was going to try and talk her out of the break up?)
and i said not here for her. i just backed into your neighbor’s car, and i need to call my dad, but my phone’s dead. could i borrow yours?
and he looked at me, then back at his neighbors car, which sure enough was dented, then he looked at the chickenshitmobile, and if there was something wrong with it, it just kind of blended into the general Wrongness of the car, then back to me, and i could see him imagining the last ten minutes from my pov: getting broken up with, backing into a car, having to walk up to your exes door and borrow a phone, calling my dad to tell him that i just reversed into someone.
and his expression shifted from stern and apologetic to truly sad, which felt more kind that i deserved. things only got here because i kept fucking up - forgot to look behind me, forgot to replace the insurance forms, forgot to charge my phone. it was my mess, but his sympathy meant the world to me. i probably would’ve cried if he said sorry, or patted me on the back or called me sport, but instead he said
stay out here – i’ll bring you a phone.
and then he left.
i found a nice spot on the lawn in the shade under a sycamore, then settled into his grass.i was trying not to freak out, and was doing an okay job. he came out a minute or so later, not just with a phone, but a juicebox and a jar of green olives, which really threw a wrench in the whole try not to cry thing. soon as i saw those, a few tears squoze out. i was still hoping i could pass them off as Manly Tears but then he told me that he’d gotten the olives a few weeks before and had been meaning to hand them off to me, and that this was his last chance for that. then i made a sound like a horse drowning in a bog, and he patted my back pretty rough, four solid thumps, like he wasn't sure if i was crying or choking on an olive, and was trying to cover both bases at once.
then he went back inside, and i made a few more bog horse noises while finishing off the rest of the entire jar of green olives, and then i called my dad.
he was about ten minutes away that day, and luckily was home. he drove over, and we went to the neighbor’s house, and from there things actually went quite nice. the neighbor was a retired man who actually said he could fix the dent himself, no need for insurance. he said he appreciated that i didn't just drive off, and i said i was really sorry about his car, and he said he was really sorry about my car, and then he gestured to the chickenshitmobile and i laughed because it really was a disaster on wheels.
then we left.
i thought we were going to head straight home, but instead we went to a gas station, and we both got several slim jims that we folded into thick enough coils that we could put them on a hotdog bun because the growing up mormon equivalent of having a sad brewski with your dad is just choosing to make bad decisions sober. then he took me to the canals and we watched the sun turn all orange and pink, and he looked over at me and said:
brains are good at remembering bad days. so you gotta make sure that a bad day has a good part in it, so you can remember that too. remember that when you have a kid. try to do a good job on days like that - they're going to be a big part of how they remember you.
and then he gave me a big hug and said he was never going to eat another slim jim again.
---
the year after that i went to college, which kicked my butt in new and exciting ways. and on a lot of those bad days, after a test that went sour, or a faux paus that was particularly embarrassing, or some other hardship of my new adult life, i’d stop by the gas station and pick up leathery, half jerkied hotdog before heading to the canals to watch the sun set. i’d take a bite and imagine my dad next to me, grimacing through the slim-jim wad, asking what good thing i was going use that time to remember.
if you can’t fix it you’ve got to stand it being the last line of the brokeback mountain novella is so crazy it makes me feel like my guts are falling out. if you can’t fix it you’ve got to stand it. jesus fucking christ
you know, I think it is significant that what Gurathin said was "I do think of it as a person. An angry, heavily armed person who has no reason to trust us."
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It feels a little weird to post someone else's photography but here are some of the professional images of the day of.
And HERE are some pictures of the dress and some progress shots!
It's silk faille, two layers of tulle (one peach glitter, one ivory), plus heavily beaded appliqués that I hand cut and stitched on. Also a good amount of hand beading for the water droplet motifs all over!
Completely self drafted from the ground up.
Not pictured: 15 tiny little stains where I jabbed myself with silk pins and bled on it lmao
This was my initial concept sketch which is fun to compare to the final!
Actually I lied something does happen and it’s called we work on your skills together and you improve and are better than ever before and we both have a lot of fun and high-five at the end.
“I have gone through the worst thing," said Sheina Gutnick. "So, I have become stronger, wanting to spread the message that no matter what h
Why the fight against anti-Semitism matters for every Australian.
I grew up in Sydney. Like so many Australian children, I remember singing songs about our beautiful country in kindergarten. Some of my most cherished early memories are long summer afternoons with family and friends on the Bondi shore.
I grew up in Sydney. Like so many Australian children, I remember singing songs about our beautiful country in kindergarten. Some of my most cherished early memories are long summer afternoons with family and friends on the Bondi shore.
Bondi was not just a destination. It was childhood. It was family. It was freedom. It was Australia.
Almost every day, I catch myself hoping it has all been a terrible mistake. That I will wake and discover none of it was real. That my father will walk through the door and everything will go back to how it was.
But it won't.
My father, Reuven Morrison, came to Australia from the former USSR, where Jewish life was suppressed and hidden. Australia was something entirely different: a land where you could live openly and proudly as a Jew.
He loved this country. He loved Australian mateship. He loved the way people looked out for one another. He loved the belief that wherever you came from, you could build a life here and belong.
To have his life taken while he celebrated his heritage at Bondi is a wound our family will carry forever. But the Bondi massacre did not take one life. It took 15.
Fifteen Australians who woke expecting an ordinary day. Fifteen people with families waiting for them to come home. Fifteen people with plans, dreams, responsibilities and futures.
When we speak about Bondi, I hope we never reduce it to headlines, statistics or political talking points. For the families of the victims, Bondi was not a news story. It was the moment life split into before and after.
One of the reasons the "One Mitzvah for Bondi" campaign has moved me is that it recognises something we too easily forget: our loved ones should be remembered not only for how they died, but for how they lived.
When Australians perform an act of kindness in their memory, they do more than honour the people we lost. They ensure that hatred does not have the final word.
The word mitzvah is often translated as "good deed." It means more than that. Mitzvah means connection.
When we do something good for another person, we create a bond between ourselves and someone else. We step outside our own needs and become part of something bigger.
Perhaps that is the lesson our society needs most. We live in an age that tells us to look inward, to chase what feels good, to seek the quick reward.
Yet the deepest meaning we ever find comes from the opposite direction. It comes from caring for others, from building families, communities and a society where people feel seen, valued and safe.
My father understood that. All his life he looked for ways to help others, whether family, friends or complete strangers. He wanted to leave every situation better than he found it.
In his final moments, that instinct did not leave him. When terror arrived at Bondi, he did not think of himself. He tried to save the people around him. That is who he was.
It is also who so many Australians are. There are many lessons to take from Bondi. One stands above the rest. We need each other.
Australia has always been made up of people from different cultures, faiths and perspectives. That diversity is not a weakness. It is one of our greatest strengths. We do not have to agree on everything. We do have to remember that we share this country.
I believed Bondi would be a turning point. That, after seeing the consequences of unchecked hatred, we would say together: enough.
The answer is not more division. The answer is choosing each other. Conversation over condemnation. Curiosity over assumption. Humanity over ideology.
That is the work I now share with the Combat Antisemitism Movement, alongside Australians of every background. Our focus is fighting anti-Semitism, but the larger aim is a society where every person can live as who they are, without fear.
I believed Bondi would be a turning point. That, after seeing the consequences of unchecked hatred, we would say together: enough. Yet half a year on, polarisation is only growing.
The greatest tribute we can offer the victims of Bondi is not only to remember them. It is to build the country they deserved to grow old in. A country where difference is not punished. Where communities stand beside one another. Where hatred is confronted before it becomes violence.
Despite everything, I still believe in that Australia. The Australia of neighbours helping neighbours. The Australia of mateship. The Australia that refuses to let hatred define who we are.
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The scene in Shrek 2 when the Fairy Godmother sings I need a Hero when the giant gingerbread man attacks the castle is still the greatest scene in cinema of all times
One of the most heartwarming things I’ve ever heard a dog trainer say “A pushy pet who makes small demands and communicates their needs to you is a safe pet. It means they trust you and aren’t afraid of your reaction if they misbehave and push your buttons a little”
Can we talk about how both David and Grigori are on the right side of the frame, Yuna is to the left of Shane- but to the left of Ilya is just a sharp drop.
Listen I get it but you CANNOT use "sensory nightmare" as an excuse to avoid essential things. You HAVE to find a way to make it work, such as finding effective alternatives. But you can't just avoid it.
You need to eat some vegetables in your diet or you will become a lich.
You have to wear a life jacket or you will literally drown and die.
You need to be able to exist in public spaces with children.
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I think a lot of people really haven't considered the unlimited opportunities of being able to just commission art. Like you can literally just pay someone money to have them make practically whatever you want for you. Like you could probably hire some smaller soft rock band to write you a song about some shitty couple who obviously hate each other but instead of just breaking up already they keep getting drunk and fighting about the same damn subjects over and over and over while the neighbours can do nothing but listen to their publicly broadcasted private grievances.
And then put your stereos against the wall and play it on a constant loop until your annoying neighbours pause and go "wait, is this song about us?"