blog raiders

i assumed this was porn

I feel like starfish are one of those animals that are treated as very “normal” by people but absolutely shouldn’t be. Like they’re a wheel of repeating heads connected by a central stomach. They walk around using thousands of tiny sticky hydraulically powered tentacles. They have an eye on the end of each arm. Instead of having a mouth they just have an opening where their entire stomach can be pushed out to engulf prey. And they’re just allowed to exist like this. It’s not illegal or anything.

They are more closely related to human beings than to octopuses

introducing a new character, Sun-Tzu But If He Sucked

stop stop stop making appeals to some 'natural state of humanity.' war and slavery and xenophobia are in fact some of the most universal human behaviors ever recorded. humans do not have any kind of innate Noble Spirit that is being corrupted. You can just say "war is bad because it hurts people" you can just leave it at that! that should be an effective statement just by itself! shut the fuck up about Essences!

join me in imagining a horrible alternate universe in which the silmarillion holds the same iron grip on national security analysts as thucidydes does today

Can't believe we didn't burn the ships after landing at D-Day; no wonder breaking out of the Normandy Pocket took over a month! No motivation, Feanor would have fixed this.

neopronouns are all well and good but as long as we're adding words to the english language there's much cooler things we could add too. lets add inclusive and exclusive "we." a variant of "we" that distinguishes between "we (including listener)" and "we (including the speaker but not the listener)". other languages have this. Let's add the obviative case to our third-person pronouns so that we can distinguish between two people of the same gender - a him-[salient] and a him-[less salient]. this would make it much easier to write sex scenes where two people use the same pronouns. why aren't our proud pronoun warriors working on this

Okay now the donkey is just dragging it. He's eating shit like melons and dates and other fruits but it just doesn't hit the same

i called him a one trick p*ny and apparently that’s like really racist to call a donkey i’m sorry

going to see a medium and asking "are the spirits in the room with us right now" but she thinks i'm quoting that one tweet to express doubt in the existence of spirits and starts getting mad at me so i'm forced to make a swift exit from her apartment whilst dodging crystals thrown at distinctly non-healing velocities

if the semen retention guys actually believed that shit then the optimal lifestyle for testosteronemaxxing would involve obtaining the semen of other men to absorb into their body, and yet still most of these men are instead killing their gains by only saving their semen. i believe this is what economists would refer to as a "revealed preference" for staying a beta soyboy cucked by modernity rather than enjoying the oldest and most traditional recorded homosocial bonding activity between men

feudal cum lord demanding weekly tithes from all the men in his fiefdom. the serfs have no choice but to acquiesce, as years of routine ejaculation have left their sword hands smooth and effeminate, their muscles atrophied, their chests bare and hairless. they could not possibly hope to last in combat against a true androchad

you could call the way people tend to ascribe power to pornography that it does not inherently possess the "pornography fetish" if you want to be really confusing and annoying