Hereâs a short story I wrote. Fair warning: there is no happy ending.
I remember being forced to watch as the man I lovedâ the man I still loveâ died. Even in my worst nightmares of hypothetical loss, I always imagined weâd end up together. Always.
It was mid-autumn, and I remember thinking that the battlefield looked beautiful with all the leaves strewn about. We had the advantage in numbers, but we knew the outcome was still a toss up. Terrence had been strong willed before, and the enhancements from when he was revived had made it psychologically impossible for him to give up. If the effects on him were anything like they were with me, I knew we wouldnât be able to outlast him. Weâd have to end this quickly, or it might not end at all. Of course, looking back now, I would give nearly everything to still be fighting. But back then, facing the possibility of a fight that would drain our resources and our optimism, I was convinced it would be best for everyone if the fight ended quickly.
We had the upper hand, at least at first. We managed to push Terrenceâs forces back enough that it was looking like we might actually have had a chance. But that was all part of their plan.
Our numbers were nearly halved before we even had the time to realize what was happening. We were losing, and badly. I was about to call for a tactical retreat when Reg approached me.
âYou know what we have to do,â he told me, âI know you do.â
I nodded, thinking I understood his suggestion. âWe have to run. Get out of here before they can mow anyone else down.â Reg looked at me then, right in the eyes. There, looking at his beautiful brown irises, I would have let the world burnâ hell, I would have burned the world down myselfâ if it meant the two of us would never be targeted again. But the moment didnât last.
âRight, if we try to run, theyâll just follow us. You said it yourselfâ they arenât going to give up. We need to take drastic measures.â I looked at him, trying to understand what he was implying. But, as always, he was three steps ahead of me. âI can turn myself over to him. Iâm his real target, and we all know it.â I only gaped at Reg. There was no way he was actually considering this⌠was there? I didnât have time to dwell on it, because he just kept talking. âIâll make myself a distraction. If I can keep him occupied, youâd have a real shot at getting everyone else to safety.â I put up a hand to stop him. This was insane. There had to be another way.
âReg, I love you, but staying behind is stupid. Terrence wonât hesitate to kill you, and heâd make it slow and painful. I wonât do that to you.â
His next words were quiet, but yet he managed to make himself sound as confident as that first time heâd told me he loved me. âSo let him kill me. Iâve lived my life.â He took my hands. âI found you. I fell in love with you. Let me do this, for the sake of the Clan.â I tried to object, but he wouldnât stop. âYouâre not doing anything to me, Right. Iâm offering. Itâs my life, and my choice to make. Look around us, at all the people weâve already lost. We have to end this, and you and I both know this is the only way.â
I didnât want to agree with him. I wanted to tell him I didnât care about anyone else. But I couldnât honestly say that. I started to tear up, but instead of telling me that it would be okay as he always did, Reg just cupped my chin in his hand. He wiped at my eyes, but he didnât say a word. And that silence was worse than the explanation itself, because it meant there were no reassurances to give anymore.
Almost without thinking, I pulled him in for a kiss. For one more moment, we ignored all the carnage around us. But we both knew it couldnât last forever. When he pulled back, I knew it was all over. As much as I wanted to beg for him to stay with me, I knew it wouldnât change a thing. Somehow, I managed to stand up straight. Somehow, I watched him walk away. Then I led what was left of our ranks away from the field, knowing that this would be one of those choices Iâd regret for the rest of my life.