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@pizzazzterbi

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I really donβt want to open this can of worms because Tumblr hath no fury like people called out on their political performativeness but it is literally driving me up the wall to watch people react to Serkisβ βkeep Tolkien whiteβ commentary by insisting twice as hard that Tolkien would descend down to earth and dropkick the entire Republican party to hell or whatever, just because they want to ensure that a piece of media they enjoy isnβt seen as being morally impure. Case in point: I have seen at least five instances of Tolkienβs βI hate apartheidβ valedictorian address being used as a βcounterβ to Serkis being racist, including by actual news outlets.
Except itβs only ever the βI hate apartheidβ line thatβs shared, and not the actual quote in its full context. Because here it is:
If we consider what Merton College and what the Oxford School of English owes to the Antipodes, to the Southern Hemisphere, especially to scholars born in Australia and New Zealand, it may well be felt that it is only just that one of them should now ascend an Oxford chair of English. Indeed it may be thought that justice has been delayed since 1925. There are of course other lands under the Southern Cross. I was born in one; though I do not claim to be the most learned of those who have come hither from the far end of the Dark Continent. But I have the hatred of apartheid in my bones; and most of all I detest the segregation or separation of Language and Literature. I do not care which of them you think White.
Which is to say. This isnβt exactly the antiracist quote of the century, to say the least. This is a white South Africa born man and a white Australian shaking hands and going βomg we relateβ and expressing what is a very, very mild βsegregation is not greatβ opinion in order to convey his thoughts on an academic subject, ie the confluence of language and literature. Using race to make a point about his own subject of interest, in his own interest, which is, amusingly enough, what a lot of ostensibly well meaning progressive seem to be doing.
I also think that some of the general surprise around βwhat do you mean large swathes of the Tolkien fandom are incredibly conservative!?β in lib/left Tolkien fandom is the result of a tendency in said parts of the fandom to transpose oneβs own progressiveness onto Tolkien and turn a blind eye to things like, say, the Shire being a very specifically mid-century British racist construct that is very, very clear in its politics, often going so far as to insist itβs anarchist or an ideal society or whatever the fuckβ¦ and then getting really Pikachu-meme βbut theyβre misreading itβ every single time a conservative explains exactly what it is about the legendarium that they really love, and get surprised when someone uses the Shire being a racist construct to do more racism. It is 2026 let us do away with βI donβt see colourβ interpretations of media, I beg. Nobody is cancelling you for enjoying a book that is not kind to race. Most of the books I love are not kind to race.
I feel privileged to be online during a time when pieces like this get written. I love the works of JRR Tolkien. I doubt the man would have made much of me or my values. (A feminist! A lapsed Catholic!) Except, perhaps, where he might. But trying to co-opt Tolkien as a progressive is crackers. Like, say, trying to co-opt Pope Leo for similar. I have much more to say on this but Iβm just about to go to a Heartstopper publication day event with some excited young people. But love what you love, because god knows it's hard enough to find things that give us succour when we're living in a world mobilised against us, and meanwhile Peter Thiel not two miles away from where I sit now said that Sauron and Saruman are "deeply misunderstood".
oh my god
Current mood
I really just opened twitter and saw my cousin getting fisted like this timeline is so not serious
your COUSIN???

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People do not give us (Brasil) enough credit for:
Our fucked up dolphins
Our fucked up porcupines
Our fucked up snakes
This
What the fuck is that
can u be nice
the idea that a sex scene in fiction is fundamentally useless/simply for audience titillation UNLESS theyβre fucking infodumping exposition while they bone or something is so funny and myopic to me. like, you really genuinely believe for real that there is NOTHING to be gained about your understanding of a story or characters simply from how they approach and engage in sex? really for real?
i'm not convinced that art only has something to offer us when we personally want to participate in the activities being depicted
When I was like 6 I thought pizza looked sooo gross and sloppy and nasty it ANNOYED me every time an adult asked if I'd like some and I felt it necessary to tell them I would never ever ever even touch something soooo totally barfingly DISGUSTING as ANY PIZZA but you know what, I still enjoyed watching the ninja turtles, I still readily accepted that pizza just meant a lot to michelangelo as a person with a different experience from my own
....is a given character having sex as if they're experienced with intimacy? Do they seem confident or unsure of themselves? Are they taking charge or letting their partner lead things? Are they being affectionate in ways that aren't inherently sexual, such as kissing and cuddling? Do they do anything just for their partner or only seem to care about what feels good to themselves? Do they ever look at their partner or keep their eyes closed? Is it casual or intense? Aggressive or gentle?? Do they get totally naked or keep something on? Did they take any time to find somewhere more private or just dive into it with no concern? Was this spontaneous or was there prior indication was there that these characters were physically attracted to one another? How mutual did the attraction seem to be? Is it purely physical or is it *love?* Does that apply to all parties involved? Is this good for them? Does it have any significance to any of their other relationships? If so, do they care, and is any of the above affected by that? How many of these details align with what you already knew or felt about these characters, versus how many reveal a side to them they had been hiding?
I know the question is also just being silly, but it would even tell you a lot about a character if it turned out "position" and ""slurpiness" were the only factors that stood out to them about human intimacy. That'd basically be this guy:
OH I HAVE A GREAT SPECIFIC EXAMPLE OF THIS IN PLAY!
Spoilers for the Realm of the Elderlings books below the cut.
I think I need to lose it utterly in a fuckoff pit. Alas I have neither time nor financial flexibility to burn for that atm.

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what the hell is going on
i believe in you Binface. you can do it. this could be your moment.
Please god it would be so funny
there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.
for people out of the loop:
Nigel Farage is the leader of Reform UK, a far right party who are currently in the process of a serious bid to become the UK government. they are just straight up evil.
Count Binface is an intergalactic space warrior with a bin on his head. he likes to run as a novelty candidate in general and mayoral elections. a big thing he likes to do is run as a candidate against the incumbent prime minister:
(Also pictured: Boris Johnson, Elmo)
Anyway, in brief:
Nigel Farage is currently in the midst of a big scandal about his finances
He has decided to deal with this by 1) making a show of nobly resigning from parliament and then 2) immediately running in the resulting by-election
He has stated that he is letting 'the people' judge his actions and implied that if he wins that will prove that he has been exonerated in the court of public opinion
His goal was presumably to get a big resounding win over the other parties, proving that The People still love him.
the other parties have thus far decided that this is a 'vanity election' and, well, there is one very easy way to ensure that he will not beat any of them, and that is simply not to play.
and as a result the only person who has so far confirmed they are running against him is Count Binface. no matter the outcome this makes Nigel Farage look like, u know, a fucking clown.
So what happens if Count Binface actually wins? Does he join Parliament? Does he have to take the bin off his face?
I've seen some people saying he would have to give up his title but it would seem that is no longer the case as of 1999; so, no, he can keep his ceremonial bin if he wishes.
Important to note also that Count Binface is the alter ego of comedian & political satirist Jon Harvey who seems to be an intelligent individual with reasonable politics. As I said no real downside.
The no hats rule clearly does not apply to him. He is not wearing a hat. It's a bin.
Readers are encouraged to try to beat this, and fail.
Check out the bonus panel on the site.
Upcoming book signings this summer.
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I love being scary to animals. I want them to believe in demons. I want them to believe in hell.
Ryoko Kui's Dungeon Meshi // Ursula K. Le Guin's Carrier Bag Theory of Fiction

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you know that thing about how some yaoi is just because the work is too misogynist for the men to have meaningful relationships with women?
i think robert jordan was the opposite of that. he loved women so much he made thirty billion named female characters who all love women too.
In a 1996 by-election, one of the candidates for Australia's parliament changed his name to Steve Grim-Reaper so he wouldn't get mixed up with other candidates
Update: Thanks to some brilliant suggestions from you all, we have an even better contender - A man who ran in the 1998 federal election named 'Prime Minister John PissΒ the Family Court and Legal Aid' who received a whopping 183 votes for the party 'Abolish Child Support'. Sounds like a lovely guy.
Unfortunately for Mr Prime Minister Piss, this name change came back to haunt him after he was denied a passport a few years later due to the name. This led to this quite incredible entry into Australia's case law that is still frequently cited today:
Unfortunately for Pisso, the court ruled that the government was right to deny him a passport, on the grounds that the phrase "Prime Minister" might be considered by some to be offensive.
Australia went on to change the laws around name changes as a result of Mr PM JP, making him the first and last Prime Minister Piss we'll likely ever see on the ballot in our lifetimes, and democracy is all the poorer for it.
Honourable mention to this headline from a South African newspaper:
And this quote from Time magazine:
There was more than one of them!
"BRUCE THE-FAMILY-COURT-REFUSES-MY-DAUGHTER'S-RIGHT-TO-KNOW-HER-FATHER"!!!!!
Truly one of the names of all time
That is a name that answers every question about why he's not allowed contact with his daughter, I feel.
HELLO???
How does this post keep getting weirder.
So we looked it up and yes, it was indeed the 'Dane' recording studio owner who attempted to stage a fascist uprising in Melbourne (of all places) in the 90s.
This was the last update we could find on him in the news, sounds like he's doing well for himself: