Scientists didn’t know. It should be “Scientists just found out”

I....I want clothes made out of those colors. They don't hurt my brain!

Orgasm denial scenario in which it gradually becomes apparent that the dom has forgotten what criteria they set for being allowed to cum and is trying to stall for time.

USA football quarterback in a post-game press conference, "Yeah, everyone played a real good game, but we really wanted the win. I just want to thank my team, because god was not on our side. For real, those other guys always have god on their side, I think he favors their city. But our defensive line was on top of it. I guess we just wanted it more, like more than god did. He really wanted them to win, but we just gave it our best. You gotta be at the top of your game to beat god. I'd like to give thanks to my mom."

If staff reformed the ban system to stop banning trans women and used the resulting good will to re-introduce pornography, this site would become a juggernaut. It would swallow Twitter whole.

ok i absolutely need to know what accents u all have pls reblog and tell me or comment or whatever I must know

anyway I was having this very vivid and unaccountably funny dream about what I suppose you would call a heist crew, except their MO was less about stealing and more about breaking into rich shitheads' houses to throw absolute ragers and trash the place and then disappear into the night. it was all very sleek and admittedly even sexy but the main thing I remember about this dream is that the leader of the group, who's exactly the kind of smooth young hotshot you think he is, was always in the process of getting spectacularly dumped at these parties. always a different woman. months of planning and stress and then when he should be in his element kicking back, accepting congratulations on all sides, man of the hour, he's getting dumped. again. and his whole crew is watching with a very low amount of sympathy because they love the guy but ooooh they know better than anyone that he deserves this. what the fuck was my subconscious cooking with this.

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them