Frogs Rock

If Goldilocks tried three beds, then Momma Bear and Daddy Bear slept separately. Baby Bear is probably the only thing keeping the family together.

You ain’t have to put those people business out like that.

Y’know, the story straight-up tells us why Mama Bear and Papa Bear sleep in separate beds: they have very different needs in terms of mattress firmness, and those fancy responsive mattresses that can be soft on one half and firm on the other hadn’t been invented yet. There’s no shame in valuing your spinal health.

The fact that they’re secure enough to admit that they’re better off in separate beds probably indicates that they have a very healthy relationship built on a foundation of mutual love and respect. 

their relationship was just right

this point was literally part of the plot of "The Fourth Bear," a satirical fairy tale murder mystery by Jasper Fforde

A MOUSE BAR DURING PROHIBITION WOULD BE CALLED A SQUEAKEASY!!!

this came to me in a vision btw. the vision was of a little mouse bartender yelling, "cheese it! it's the cops!" and all the little mice flipping the bar and turning it into a fromagerie.

also I don't think parents "these days" are uniquely terrible, I just think neglect is showing up in new ways as technology progresses. today's ipad kid would've been wandering around in a ditch alone all day and night before. parents not wanting to have to deal with children is not a new phenomenon.

we talk about how “let people enjoy things” has destroyed people’s brains but “good comedy should punch up” has convinced so many people that being pointlessly mean to strangers is not only justified but virtuous

I remember when Paul F. Tompkins did something like that. Did a whole PSA style video on how certain things just can't be part of comedy, and you have to make sure you're allowed to talk about something before making jokes and blah blah blah, sacred cows. I never gave a crap about anything he had to say after that. as a comedian or otherwise. he destroyed himself with that.

Yeah, I stopped caring about him as a comedian when he had a similar take on VH1. I think he shoehorned in a shot at the People He Disagreed With.

Humans are stupid. But once you manage to explain, in small enough words, that something is bad, they often do fix it.

Counter point, those machines can make me a peach sprite.

guys did you know the tech in that nefangled machine revolutionized preemie healthcare

You DON'T get this on any other site in quite this format.

if anyone hates cats its bc their soul is rotten and the cats can tell

I’m Romanian and I didn’t even know that’s what drujba meant, oh my god, this is hilarious.

*Revs chainsaw* THIS IS SHAPED LIKE A FRIEND

I just realized this makes solving things with the power of friendship much more interesting

MLP: Friendship is Magic just got a lot more interesting

Smell of mass market paperbacks my beloved

No. You have not read a fanfic that is better than any published original work.

FYI this is how you get a Deals Warlock if you were wondering