bruh

omg it’s dr. roberta bobby, author of one of my favorite tweets ever written

Omg she wrote one of my favorites also

"all creation is inherently evil"

“One more thing, sir. You told me you couldn’t possibly have been at the crime scene at that time on account of your alibi, that being that you were at home playing your PlayStation 3. Now, forgive me, but if that’s true, I just gotta ask– how could you have been playing your PS3 if the PS3 has no games?”

“Why, Lieutenant, the PS3 is backwards compatible with many PS2 games. I was simply playing one of my many PS2 games at the time of the murder. Surely you are at least familiar with Kingdom Hearts? I’d be happy to show you my save file if it would put your mind at ease.”

“Ah, gee. Kingdom Hearts… Yeah, that one’s a classic. one of the best ones, even. My wife loves that little Sora guy. No, I agree. You’re right, sir. I should’a thought of that. Well, I’ll get outta your hair, then. — Oh, one more thing…

“Oh… yes, how very… observant of you, Lieutenant. Well, I… suppose I must have been mistaken. My memory of that dreadful night - it’s all jumbled, you see. It must have been one of my other games from my PS1 library. Spyro, perhaps. Or– yes, now I remember. It was Final Fantasy 7 - the character of Cloud is in both that game and in Kingdom Hearts. I must have simply gotten my wires crossed. How silly of me.”

“All right, then. That explains it. Well, have a good night, then.  … Oh, uh… I figure I oughta let you know … we did have your memory card searched. We didn’t see Final Fantasy VII on there. Must’ve been a glitch or something. Might wanna get that checked.”

“Now, see here, Columbo, perhaps if you were spending more time looking for actual clues, rather than harping on my gaming habits, you might have caught the real killer by now!

“Certainly, sir, I’ll be outta your way now. Oh, – gee. Gosh, I nearly forgot. I figured I’d mention. We did get one lead. On the murder, sir.

Heritage Post

Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk

Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?

Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️

Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk

Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream

Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays

Husband: Holds Penny Rose up to her reflection in the microwave

I have follow up questions:

I didn't baby talk with her very much either! I think I squealed at her more than my husband did.

Everyone is always so so kind on this post but I do want to warn you all that this did in fact lead to an insanely verbal child, and if you choose that life you have to commit to that life.

my favorite tweet ever. Every time I go to find it I’m blown away by how few retweets it has

When you see a Prep in hottopic

“This Prep is ready for war bring it you emo fuck”

why are people reblogging this again

Daddy Electric and Mother Nature sounds like a cute 70s act