i donât know exactly how to say this in a way that comes across clearly, but i am obsessed with the idea of depicting m/f relationships in a way where the hype isnât all on the manâs love of the woman, and how swoonworthy it is and how powerful. (this has been on my mind an awful lot lately because lost loves to lean on this, especially in season six. itâs also something that often grates on me about the officeâs depiction of jim and pam even though iâm very fond of jim and pam.) i really want to see women being active in the relationship too, rather than just being the object to be pursued or worshiped or cherished or whatever the heck! not in a way that depicts women going out of their way for men who donât reciprocate, which i think is always the go-to assumption when you talk about this kind of portrayal of a relationship. but i love the idea of women being able to make romantic gestures and acts of great love toward their male love interests in a way that is, like, considered cool and iconic in the way that so many male charactersâ romantic actions toward their ladies are cool and iconic. idk how to say it. like, something that goes beyond âis this woman being honored nobly enough by her man, which is the sum total of all romance?â i want the women participating tooooooooo! WHY NOT!
donât make me tap the sign.
Why donât men get as much of a thrill over fictional romances?
Iâm just gonna drop an excerpt from the linked Reddit thread that hits hard:
The Male Romantic Fantasy
Iâd say that men usually feel most loved when this normal state of affairs is negated; when they are made to believe that a womanâs love is not conditional in the cause-and-effect manner described in the parent post. Love is work for men, but it can be rewarding work when things are going smoothly and the woman is happy as a result. But the male romantic fantasy is to be shown that the woman feels the same way and stands by him when heâs down on his luck, when the moneyâs not there, or when heâs not feeling confident. He wants to know that the love he believes heâs earned will stay even when the actions that feed it wane (however temporarily). A good woman can often lift a man up in his times of need and desperation and weather the storm even when things arenât going well. The male romantic fantasy is an enduring and unconditional love that seems to defy this relationship of labor and reward. A man wants to be loved for who he is, not for what he does in order to be loved.
An interesting way to examine this is to look at what women often call romantic entitlement. An entitled guy is a dude who maintains an unrealistic notion of menâs typically active role in love. Before acknowledging reality, this boy uncompromisingly believes that he shouldnât have to do anything or change anything about himself to earn a womanâs love; he wants to be loved for who he is, not what he does.
All men secretly want this, but there comes a day when they eventually compromise out of necessity. After that day, they may spend years honing themselves, working, shaping themselves into the men they believe women want to be chosen by. A massive part of what causes boys to âgrow upâ is the realization that being loved requires hard work. This impetus begins a journey where a boy grows into a man by gaining strength, knowledge, resources, and wisdom. The harsh realities of the world might harden and change him into a person his boyhood self wouldnât recognize. He might adopt viewpoints he doesnât agree with, transgress his personal boundaries, or commit acts he previously thought himself incapable of. But ultimately, the goal is to feel as if his work is done.
When he can finally let go of the crank he continually turns day after day in order to earn love and, even if only for a moment, it turns by itself to nourish him in return, that is when he will know he is loved.
