The OysterBed

In American culture it is considered “bad luck” to leave the stove on when you’re not using it

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

that is actually my main principle of explicit fic is that the personalities stay On during sex.

you think you're sooooooooo funny huh? well you are. i find you a delight to be around and im glad you have the self confidence to recognise it. i love you.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

huh? pompeii? nah dude that song’s so old and overplayed, if the radio station puts that song on one more fucking time I’m gonna—-EH EH OH EH OH EH EH OH EH OH

Every year I watch that white boy go, with no way of warning him. No way of letting him know. Helplessly watching him devour his paprika chicken before journeying the road to his doom. Don’t go, white boy. Don’t go.

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows

i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation

Pottery sounds terrifying to me. Every post I see is like "Here's this awesome art I made!! Pray for me that it survives The Kiln™ :')" I don't think I could cope with making art that could quite easily blow up and I have no way of controlling that. You guys are true heroes.

hamlet’s “i did love you once” and ophelia’s “indeed, my lord, you did make me believe so” is such an underrated gut punch. it’s betrayal it’s heartbreak it’s vulnerability it’s so over. truly no one is doing it like shakespeare

honestly “the lion doesn’t concern himself with” is a pretty good anti-ocd phrase

the lion doesn’t concern himself with managing other people’s feelings

the lion doesn’t concern himself with what ifs

the lion doesn’t concern himself with germs

the lion doesn’t concern himself with reliving that one excruciatingly painful moment for the one thousandth time and imagining a better response

“which could mean nothing” is my favorite sentence ever bc on the surface it describes something that COULD indeed mean nothing. but we use it to emphasize the other side of that coin i.e. that it could also mean something. it keeps us grounded bc we are technically focusing on the liklihood that the information given doesn’t necessarily imply gay sex is happening, while still silently acknowledging the possibility that it might.

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

soy yooo tu ángel de la guarda holiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 bueno. en como seis meses, vas a morir de hambre. 🥺 y si no te protejo, me van a: #¡despedir! 🫢 y eso No esta Chido 🙅‍♀️jajaaa Entonces. 🙏investigue acerca del tema y resulta que: ¡puedo prevenir tu muerte al 100%! 😯 ¡Uh oh! 😆 Hay más que suficiente comida para que sobrevivas sin que interfieras con la supervivencia de los demás, ¡pero no puedes teneral! 🤨 ¿Queeeé? 🤷‍♀️ Al parecer, tu muerte fue premeditada por miles de cosas llamadas "accionistas." Y bueno. 🙏 empeze a matar personas,

c'est moooi ton ange gardien coucooou 😇 bon 🙏 alors. dans genre six mois, tu vas mourir de faim. 🥺 et si je te protège pas, je vais me faire: #virer ! 🫢 et ça c'est pas Pas Super 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Donc. 🙏 j'ai fait mes recherches sur les causes de famine et devine quoi: Ta mort est 100% évitable ! 😯 Oh-oh ! 😆 Il y a largement assez de ressources pour te nourrir sans interférer avec la survie d'autrui, mais tu n'y as pas accès ! 🤨 Quoooi ? 🤷‍♀️ Apparemment ta mort a été préméditée par des milliers de trucs appelées des "actionnaires". Du coup.🙏 j'ai tué pas mal de monde,

hiiiiii 😇 我是亲的守护小天使！okay🙏 嗯。您在差不多半年会饿死哈🥺 若我不能救您我会被#炒鱿鱼！🫢 那可不行哦🙅‍♀️ 哈哈。所以昵🙏我查了一下人类饿死的原因，然后发现：诶呀呀😯亲的死是可以避免哒！😆 这世上有足够食物给亲吃，一点儿也不需要影响别人的生存率哒！但不给亲！🤨 怎么会这样昵？ 🤷‍♀️ 原来，亲的死是被一帮叫“股东”的东西计算好滴！ 所以昵🙏 我杀了一些人，

y'all are doing some rosetta stone shit to me

hiii, ich bin's, ich bin dein Schutzengel hiiii 😇 ok 🙏 also. ich sechs Monaten wirst du verhungern. 🥺 und falls ich dich nicht beschütze, werde ich: #gefeuert! 🫢 und das ist Nicht Gut 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Also. 🙏 Ich hab mir ma' die Gründe fürs Verhungern angeschaut, und, stellt sich raus: Dein Tod ist vollkommen verhinderlich! 😯 Oh oh! 😆 Es gibt mehr als genug Nahrungsmittel um dich durchzufüttern, ohne das Überleben von irgendwem sonst zu beeinträchtigen, du darfst sie bloß nicht haben! 🤨 Häääääää? 🤷‍♀️ Anscheinend, wurde dein Tod von tausenden sogenannten "Aktionären" geplant. Jedenfalls. 🙏 Ich hab angefangen Leute zu töten,

यह मैं हूँ! मैं तुम्हारी अभिभावक देवदूत हूँ, हाय! 😇 ओके 🙏 तो। लगभग छह महीनों में, तुम भूख से मर जाओगे। 🥺 और अगर मैंने तुम्हारी रक्षा नहीं की, तो मुझे: नौकरी से निकाल दिया जाएगा! 🫢 और यह बिल्कुल अच्छा नहीं है 🙅‍♀️ हाहाहा! तो। 🙏 मैंने भूख के कारणों की जाँच की, और पता चला: तुम्हारी मृत्यु पूरी तरह रोकी जा सकती है! 😯 अरे नहीं! 😆 तुम्हें जीवित रखने के लिए पर्याप्त से अधिक भोजन है जो किसी और के जीवन को प्रभावित नहीं करेगा, लेकिन तुम्हें वह लेने की अनुमति नहीं है! 🤨 यह क्या बात है? 🤷‍♀️ जाहिर तौर पर, तुम्हारी मृत्यु हज़ारों चीज़ों द्वारा पूर्व-नियोजित है जिन्हें "शेयरधारक" कहते हैं। तो। 🙏 मैं लोगों को मार रही हूँ l

ওহে আমি তোমার অভিভাবক দেবদূত 😇 ঠিক আছে🙏 তো। প্রায় ছয় মাসের মধ্যে, তুমি অনাহারে মারা যাবে। 🥺 এবং আমি যদি তোমাকে রক্ষা না করি, আমি হব: #বরখাস্ত! 🫢 এবং এটা ভালো কিছু নয় 🙅‍♀️ হাহাহা তাই। 🙏 আমি অনাহারের কারণ অনুসন্ধান করেছি, এবং দেখা যাচ্ছে: তোমার মৃত্যু সম্পূর্ণ প্রতিরোধযোগ্য! 😯 ওহ! 😆 অন্য কারো বেঁচে থাকার সাথে হস্তক্ষেপ না করেই তোমাকে টিকিয়ে রাখার জন্য পর্যাপ্ত খাবারের চেয়েও বেশি কিছু আছে, কিন্তু তোমার এটি খাওয়ার অনুমতি নেই! 🤨 কি? 🤷‍♀️ দৃশ্যত, তোমার মৃত্যু "শেয়ারহোল্ডার" নামে হাজার হাজার জিনিস দ্বারা পূর্বপরিকল্পিত। তাই। 🙏 আমি মানুষ মারছি,

안녀어어어엉, 내가 너의 수호천사야 😇 ㅇㅋ 🙏 그래서. 한 육개월 안에 네가 굶주림으로 죽을거야. 🥺 그리고 내가 널 안 지켜주면, 나는: #해고! 🫢 하고 그건 안 좋지 🙅‍♀️ 하하하하 그래서.🙏 내가 굶주림에 이유를 찾아 봤는데, 알고보니: 너 죽는건 엄청 막을수 있어! 😯 ¡어머! 😆 다른 사람의 생존을 안 위협해도 너 먹일수 있는 식량양은 차고도 넘쳐, 근데 그건 네가 가질 허락이 없어! 🤨 뭐어어어? 🤷‍♀️ 그게, 천개의 "주주" 들 이란 것들이 너의 죽음을 계획한 거 인가봐. 그래서. 🙏 내가 좀 사람들 죽이고 있는뎅,

uy mars ako to!! guardian angel mo hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. after ng mga anim na buwan, mamamatay ka sa gutom. 🥺 pag hinayaan ko mangyari yun, #masisisante lola mo! 🫢 at Di yun Very Good, nay 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 nagbasabasa ko ng mga sanhi ng pagkamatay sa gutom, malaman mo ba: Hindi pala final answer ang walang magagawa kundi deds na lang! 😯 Grabe! 😆 Enough naman pala pagkain sa mundo para mabigyan lahat nang di mo ikakamatay pagkagutom, PERO hindi pala available yung solution! 🤨 Aba aba? 🤷‍♀️ Akalain mo, yung pagkamatay mo dala lang pala nung libo libong mga ano yung mga "shareholders" ba. Yun. 🙏 sinimulan ko na pagminus ng mga persons,

始めましてよろしくーあなたの守護天使だよーん 😇 えっとね〜🙏 あのさ。六ヶ月ぐらい立てばあなたは飢え死にしちゃうの 🥺 で、あなとを守らなければ、アタシは #クビになっちまうの！🫢 それはすごくNG 🙅‍♀️ エヘヘ〜 と言う事になりまして。🙏 飢餓の原因についてしらべたんだけど、実はね、あなたの死は全然防げるものだと判明したの！ 😯 あらら 😆 他の人の生存を脅かす事なく、あなたを養うには十分な食べ物があるのに、それを手に入れることは許されないらしい！🤨 なんてこった！ 🤷‍♀️ なんと、あなたの死は「株主」と言う数千のモノによって計画されているんだってー。それでね。🙏 人を殺し始めたんだけど、