a liar like all elves and men

The crazy thing is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if you asked me on any given day "Would like to see a picture of some genitals?" my answer would be "😰 No, that's... No, thank you. I'm okay, actually." I have nothing but the utmost respect for people who do engage with the penis side of the internet, but personally, I've spent the better part of two decades doing all I can NOT to have pictures of dick and balls or sexy bikini babe buttcheeks blasted onto my retinas constantly. And yet... to be denied the penis? To have a jumped up pile of javascript tell me, a grown adult with an air fryer and an outstanding council tax bill, that I cannot be trusted to withstand the sight of a bare nipple unless I let it scan my drivers' license? I will move heaven and earth to see that fucking nipple, friend. I will walk a thousand miles barefoot on hot coals before I give you big brother bitches my passport number. A thousand miles through the desert with five VPNs just to press my face up against the glass and see the last uncensored picture of two My Little Pony Characters sixty-nining each other, and I don't even want! to look at it! But I will! I must! for the sake of our fucking democracy!

Javert is one of the funniest characters ever like. Man really is so black and white that once he processed that ACAB he really went…. ‘I am cop,,, therefore,,, I am bastard,,, therefore,,,’ only to then immediately address this by throwing himself off a bridge. Flawless praxis tbh

yes that’s so cute!!!!!!!! but i disagree

genuinely I cannot fathom trying to use Tumblr like any other social media. I just thought to myself “why does Tumblr even have a ‘Best Posts First’ feature? why would I want to see good posts?” and then I had to stop and consider that for a second

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

See what no one tells you about having parents who have been successfully polyamorous and active in the tri-state kink community for 29 years is that as their adult child, there is a high probability that at any event you go to someone will have slept with one or both of your parents. There is no escaping this. They've been doing it for decades. They've lain claim to like half the east coast

gumshoe/edgeworth undernegotiated long-term findom arrangement (pauses, looks around, thinks for a minute) gumshoe/edgeworth undernegotiated long-term findom arrangement.

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes

"none of these words are in the bible" you don't know that. we don't know for sure what every hapax legomenon strictly translates to. maybe "קִפוֹז" means "klance foot kink pwp." you don't know that.

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually