Pammcasso

Beadick stans who genuinely don’t understand why anyone else is here but are the majority, so they can filter a lot of this out and just make parallel posts. This is the stuff that gets cross-posted to Instagram.

Subset of the above who call it Benetrice because it’s less embarrassing but who have lost the war

Claudihero shippers who think everyone else is literally missing the point of the play

Claudihero ENJOYERS who think the above are literally missing the point of the play but enjoy exploring the dynamic and writing divorce fic

Members of both of the previous two groups that start regular flame wars with Beadick shippers even though their ships don’t intersect in any way

Benedick/Claudio slash shippers, most of whom make angst content about the dual that never happens

A somehow even larger contingent of Borachio/Conrad slash shippers

A somehow even LARGER contingent of Dogberry/Verges slash shippers

Hero/Beatrice femslash shippers, most of whom end up in flame wars over whether the ship is problematic because they’re cousins

Hero/Ursula shippers, all of whom promote their ship as the Ethical Alternative to the above

Margaret/Benedick shippers that are mostly just doing their own thing although Beatrice stans do screenshot and mock them

The extremely small group of Margaret/Beatrice rarepair shippers that are just *chef’s kiss* the most valid group on this list

People who are only here to write like 50k word Margaret/Borachio fix-it fics

People who are only here to write Don Pedro x Reader fic

Don Pedro stans who write whump fic about Beatrice turning down his proposal

Don John stans who write meta about how his villainy and deceit is fine because he’s sad that he’s a bastard :( (“Don John apologists”)

People who create blocklists of the above

Weird class of Benedick stans who are NOT Beadick shippers and instead write screeds about how Beatrice is abusive because she’s less outwardly affectionate

Weird class of Claudio stans who are NOT Claudihero shippers and instead come just shy of actually calling Hero gendered slurs (“Claudio apologists”)

People who create blocklists of the above

“Beadick is clearly compulsory heterosexuality” truthers

People who are only here to call Leonato a DILF

People who create blocklists of the above

i am sick to death of fourth wall breaks that are funny. i want fourth wall breaks that make me want to cry.

give me hamlet looking up during his monologue to see the audience and plead with them for help. give me orpheus, on the road back up from the underworld begging us to make sure eurydice is there, to tell him she is safe. give me orpheus turning when the audience stays silent.

give me someone, bloody and full of tears monologuing to the camera when the narrative has wound itself so tight that they can't escape it anymore.

"youre just watching me. help me. im dying and im rotting and im losing myself and you wont do a thing."

but benedick listens! it's enough for him! he believes, upon beatrice's words, that hero has been unfairly accused. & what's more, when she says she is sure that claudio has wronged hero, benedick says it is enough. her word is enough for him, even to challenge his best friend to the death.

Hamlet is genre savvy. Hamlet knows how Tragedies work, and he’s not going to rush in and get stabby without making absolutely certain he’s got all the facts.

Except once he thinks he has all the facts – once he’s certain that it really is the ghost of his father and Claudius really did kill him, he rushes in and stabs the wrong guy, which starts a domino line of deaths and gets Laertes embroiled in his own revenge tragedy and ultimately results in the deaths of nearly every character other than Horatio.

Parallels

♚ I pledged to ride North. To fight for the living.

a darker shade of magic places + the 4 londons