It's such a disappointment that tearing someone's throat out with your teeth kills them. Sex would be so much more fun if we could maul each other and come back from it.

Someone needs to learn the science behind the "literally just sitting and chilling and had a good day and got randomly sad" phenomenon so I can blow it up with a grenade launcher

Babe, you okay? you reblogged “and we were nice to each other” like 12 times again

new enemy i came up with called the "false mimic" this is just some guy that hides in chests and bobs the lid up and down like a mimic breathing. he has 1 hp and if you smack the chest he starts begging for his life snot and tears running down his face

you are a sexual pervert

🫵

#they fucking got me

why don't you agitate the contents of a barrel full of cream for a while then reach your hand inside and maybe you'll feel butter

Sometimes I think that I’m moderately intelligent and then I realize how frequently I’m deceived by things meant to fool wild animals

being mildly nearsighted keeps me humble

Having a really long-term hyperfixation that has since faded is terrifying yes but it's also so embarrassing. Hi I used to think about Scrimblo Splungus 25/7. Yeah, for 2 years straight. Nah, I don't think about them anymore except for with a vague sense of melancholy as I recall how they used to make me feel. Anyways this new one, Blimpkins McGee? I'm gonna think about them forever and the cycle will NOT repeat in 2 years. Trust me guys.

must feel so good to be soil absorbing rain

Human bodies are so weird like the upper half consists of every single vital organ and the lower half is legs

you sound like you've been struggling lately, let's get you some kind of medication that doesn't do anything

these hips don't lie, and those hips don't tell the truth. how do you navigate out of this labyrinth