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I'm on a sea turtle diet; I see turtle and I eat it

I'm not into being talked down to or treated like an animal but I think if I was strong and powerful and unbeatable and was coerced to carry out violent justice in a woman's name I wouldn't mind being called her dog every once in a while as long as she lets me eat at the table and not out of a bowl

no... we can't be friends anymore.... your minecraft skin is ugly and you didn't even draw it yourself...

california girls we're unfor... givable... *eyes glaze over stares blankly into the distance*

I'm so sorry that my dog activated rage mode and killed your dog in one hit... as an apology, would perhaps these, aha, flowers and chocolates suffice? or perhaps, a kiss? 😘

girl you so personalitous that I bet when you were at the personality factory waiting to be assigned one you said "a personality, for personali-me? yum yum yummy!" and then they gave you one

misheard da boss and accidentally spent all the developer budget on gay sapphics rather than game graphics... sigh frick my lesbien life!!

wait—omigosh, do you play video games too? um, hehe *shyly tucks hair behind ears* what's your steam name? we should play league of le*a hawk swoops down and carries me away and you never see me again*

hate living in the circus. saw a monkey squeeze a banana so it popped out of the peel into the air and caught it in its mouth, then tossed the peel over its shoulder. one of the clowns noticed it too and made a beeline straight for it and slipped and flipped several times in the air before hitting the ground. I can't tell if she's still breathing

saying a platonic "I love you" among cherished friends is a magical spell that will have you killed and burned and killed forever and they will hate you for it and you'll die and then they'll say "ew gross you meant that in non-platonic way didn't you" before burning and killing you

I know they hate me for my mediocre posting and my bountiful harvests but mostly the harvests...

yeah I'm hardcore. throw me to the wolves and I'll come back dead if they even find my remains at all