blobg

your plushies love you and know that you love them, they can be nourished for months with just a few squeezes and headpats. guarding your room when you're not around is their favorite activity and they don't need any more enrichment than that but if you want to hold them and play with them that works too

no yeah, uh, that ticket for a free hug is no longer valid. no it's not the same day, look, it just expired at midnight. just give it up already

you're friends with Mary? Mary Sue, that Mary? ummm... I heard she was literally kind of problematic though...? like she literally awakened to her half cat angel half blood devil ancestry at the dance last friday. you're literally acting like you think cat angel blood devil ancestry is an okay thing to have so we're not going to hang out with you anymore... #cancelled...

giving a girl a burger and fries and chocolate shake is a morally pure and just action and WILL grant you access to the kingdom of heaven regardless of any past sins

I honestly love drawings of a person holding a baby where the artist doesn't really have any experience with the size of a babies beyond a general understanding that they are Small, and you end up with children the size of ice cream cones that can be held in one hand

I wanna go back in time and feed an andrewsarchus a really big bowl of really hot peppers to see how it feels about them

just don't really understand why you would graverob when you literally already have a skeleton that you got for free

um, is it just me, or is grilled cheese with a fried egg and bacon on it kind of epic actually...?

ha ha, you'll never be able to comprehend my dogmode...! *turns into a cat* yeah I see that look you're giving me. see, I told you you couldn't comprehend it. nobody does... *inhaling a shaky breath while holding back tears* I think... I think you should leave.

fight or flight? no... tonight we both ... battlebirds, wingssemble...!

ramen topper? I'm jealous. wish ramen would do that to me too

[tearing violently & unsuccessfully at industrially sealed plastic packaging with nails and teeth] okay I know how this looks but I promise you I am not a malicious microbe trying to get in for infection reasons I am just a regular human woman seeking the flavor of your cured meats. please. I'm a person [crying now] I'm just a regular girl

if you're unironically gatekeeping fandoms/hobbies/interests in this day and age just because there's a funny new meme word for it, I'm dragging you out into the woods to hit you with foam swords and buddy you better be keeping track of your hit points because you're not going to have many left when I'm done with you

I'm pregnant, and scrolling phone in bed is the other mother...