god, im tired

The thing you practise is the thing you get good at.

You may not intentionally be practicing “being grumpy” but if you don’t put effort into practicing “not being grumpy” then I’m afraid that’s what you’re doing. It’s hard! It’s really hard! Sometimes, for some things, it’s pretty much impossible and that sucks!

I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.

anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such: 

sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.

“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.

one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.

let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.

when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.

getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.) 

“what was I trying to do?” 

“was I trying to decide between two things?” 

(the answer’s usually yes.) 

“what were they?” 

“okay, let’s decide. 

“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”

and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.

so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”-  then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”-  and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.

and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” :P

I’ve seen a lot of posts talking about ADD and ADHD similarities or them being mentioned for something that’s inclusive to only one of them, but can we talk about how different they can be?

I have ADD, and most of my family has ADHD, my friend has it as well. What I’ve mainly noticed is how the level of focus is different.

People with ADHD are hyper, but it also means they hyper-focus. I’ve seen my friend be off-topic about something then the next second she is focusing on something else like it’s her last day on Earth. 

But I don’t get like that. I never seem to focus, even on my medication. I always have to take breaks basically every 5 seconds. Hell, I even take breaks from breaks. Or, for something that should only takes 10 minutes takes me 30. I can barely focus, the only time you can say I “focused” was on the computer (usually when I’m typing) or zoning out. 

Another difference I’ve noticed is that people with ADD get apathetic moods and don’t like new things. On the other side of that, ADHD makes people with it more impulsive. However, both people with ADD and people with ADHD get mood swings. 

ADD is now ADHD- Predominantly Inattentive. 

ADHD is now ADHD- Predominantly Hyperactive/Impulsive

And they are the same condition. They don’t share a lot of symptoms.. it’s one conditions with two types of symptoms, inattentive and hyperactive/ impulsive.

You might have seen the following checklist.. if you get ATLEAT 5/7 out of either one, you are either PI or PH.

And here’s the thing though, a person with “ADD” (ADHD-PI) can have some hyperactive symptoms, and vice versa.

Me for example. I often talk excessively. and I always fidget. 

It’s not that PI people only have inattentive symptoms and PH people only have hyperactive symptoms.