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if i look back, i am lost

JVL

gracie abrams
we're not kids anymore.

#extradirty

Love Begins
trying on a metaphor
Keni


bliss lane
Today's Document

tannertan36
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
wallacepolsom
Cosimo Galluzzi
noise dept.
tumblr dot com
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Sade Olutola
seen from T1
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@kittydorkling
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Helen Whitaker, England
" Sycamore Seed "
Glass , copper and brass
Zora la Vampira - art by Alessandro Biffignandi
Anniversary of APOLLO 11 MOON LANDING
On July 20, 1969, 109 hours and 42 minutes after launch, Neil Armstrong and Edwin âBuzzâ Aldrin entered the lunar lander âEagleâ, made a final check, and the Eagle undocked from the lunar orbiter âColumbiaâ, where the third member of the crew Michael Collins, stayed in orbit around the moon. Partially manually piloted by Armstrong, the Eagle landed 0 degrees, 41 minutes, 15 seconds north moon latitude and 23 degrees, 26 minutes east moon longitude. Armstrong stepped out, and Aldrin followed 20 minutes later: human beings stepped on the moon for the first time. The two men spent 21 hours and 26 minutes on its surface. One of the astounding aspects of the mission was the seeming simplicity of the technology used to get man to the moon. According to Oliver Gassmann, professor of Technology Management, the mobile phone in your pocket has one million times more memory than the Apollo 11âs computer. Same about the procesor: the latest phones typically have more than 100,000 times the processing power of the computer that landed man on the moon 50 years ago.
âIt suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didnât feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.â âNeil Armstrong
(gifs from the documentary Chasing The Moon, 2019)
it's really embarrassing how much self control i have to exert when you put me in front of a tray of convenient and tender meat like if you put meatballs in front if me the fuckers are gone in milliseconds. same true of roadted brussels sprouts or basically anything that's a nice little dense and textured morsel. i am the hors that d'ouvres
do not stand at my plate and snack. that shit's all mine. please give it back. i am the dozen hors that d'ouvre. i am the meatball's gentle curve. i am the cracker's butter crunch. i am a thousand grapes for lunch.

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"Write character relationships that are normal" WRONG â CODEPENDENCY BEAM đĽđĽđĽđĽđĽđĽđĽđĽđĽđĽđĽ
When I was about thirteen, I remember dreaming a film trailer. When I woke up, I wrote it down and most of it is generic fantasy oppression fight the system by collecting mcguffins stuff -
But a major stylisation of it was that flat, shiny, Tim Burton/Disney CGI. The world was dripping in this. Everything was that oversaturated, over-polished, over-worked CGI.
But every time they collected/destroyed another Mcguffin, that CGI went away. But by bit it transitioned into real sets and practical effects until there is no noticeable CGI at all. Because thatâs the system they were fighting - they werenât being allowed to see what the real world looked like.
Decay and rot and broken infrastructure were being essentially photoshopped over because our villainous leader had no interest or ability to maintain things. It was only ever a temporary solution thought up by someone who thought that transforming a pack of wolves into humans to be her elite guard force was, in fact, a good idea.
(It was not. There was a whole subplot about the secondary antagonists in-fighting and being driven insane by the disconnect between how humans and wolves think and act where the one which were cubs when transformed were desperate to return to something theyâd never experience and the patriarch/matriarch of the family knew they were too changed to ever survive as wolves again - definitely stolen from Terry Pratchett)
But, yeah, Iâd be tempted to see if that would work, but with a story not dreamed up by a thirteen year old with an obsession with 1970s actors.
I've been thinking about this again and, wow, if only I had a plot or characters to go with it that isn't generic YA collect McGuffins.
Video summary: Tiktok by @pippabarnes - clips of a person with alopecia applying colourful makeup and other decorations to a bald spot as part of very dramatic looks, narrating now her relationship to her bald spots has developed over time

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I also, perhaps controversially, am of the opinion that more odyssey adaptations should retain the hanging of the unfaithful maids
The only adaptation I'm aware of to engage w the hanging of the unfaithful maids is Margaret Atwood's Penelopiad and I actually really didn't like the way she handled it
@platonce would love to hear more about your thoughts on the penelopeiad/how you would want to see it done
ok brief context first for any readers not aware: in the Odyssey, the unfaithful maids are a group of enslaved women in the house of Odysseus who are hanged for 'betraying' Odysseus by having sex with Penelope's suitors. In the Penelopiad they are instead Penelope's most faithful and trusted maids who she enlisted to spy on the suitors.
my issue w the Penelopiad on this subject is just that I think making it so the maids weren't actually 'unfaithful' carries the implication that if they had done all the things the Odyssey says they did then in some sense they would have had it coming.
as to how i would want it done, i suppose the main thing i would like to see acknowledged is that given that they were enslaved women the sex they had with the suitors would have been inherently coercive. (nb i think the Penelopiad does acknowledge this but as stated above I have other problems w its handling of the subject matter)
#the problem is so many try to make Odysseus a good person by modern standards#and he's not#and he's not even that great in the original context#his crew dies because of him#so many modern adaptations strip away everything that makes him not a hero#instead of adapting the source material accurately and letting the audience decide if he's still a hero or not
yeah I haven't seen the Nolan film but i read the summary bcos i was interested to see if they kept in the Unfaithful Maids and not only are they out but the film also seems to have really played down the massacre of the suitors?
which is another thing where like, even in the original context, we are not supposed to 100% agree with that!! its followed by a sequence where the suitors' families are all like 'dude what the fuck'
part of the emotional impact, to me, of the Odyssey is that we spent the whole epic being encouraged to sympathise w Odysseus as this almost everyman-type main character who just wants to go home and then at the end of the poem he murders a bunch of people. yikes!!
also i just stumbled on this essay talking about the unfaithful maids which I would recommend
Shoutout to my favorite genre of TOS episode:
âŚI canât think how it took me so long to run across this. I feel privileged to have been found by it. đ
Oh I think I deleted it by accident..
My meme-ish poster about executive dysfunction, or "The Sits" as we call it in our house. This is to share my experiences with exec. dysfunction, everyone's a little different âşď¸
Meme replies, for the Ageing Tumblr Population meme!
From @hsavinien:
14. what's a hobby you'd like to get into?
HOOO. I mean, I'd like to get back on top of several existing or previous hobbies, first of all, so I'll say: knitting. Specifically I want to knit my son some more fingerless mittens after he pilfered mine and they immediately became basically an attachment object for him. Unfortunately he also gets eczema so I have to wash them about once a fortnight or they get actively crusty with moisturiser, sorry for the TMI.
I haven't knit properly for about 12 years now and I was never very good at it, but I do want to try!
16. how long have you known your oldest friend?
Well... I'm still in vague, social-media contact with a few people from school, but I think the epithet "friend" implies greater closeness than that. So, probably the Coven, my four best friends from university, whom I love dearly - I have a tattoo on my arm of 5 broomsticks in a pentacle which represents us. That makes it 27 years, I think?
25. would you rather own a dishwasher or a laundry machine if you could only have one or the other?
Listen, I fucking HATE dishes, but no way am I washing all my household laundry by hand. I'd go nuts.
And from anonymous in my inbox:
4. what's the worst job you've ever had?
Foreign Rights Assistant at a Literary Agency in London. I was straight out of Uni, they hired me purely to be cheap, I later found out that the company was widely infamous in the industry for how horrible it was to work there. I was SO out of my depth, so desperate to make this "great opportunity" work, and I let that place basically destroy me.
I'm not kidding when I say there have been lasting psychological repercussions from that job that still come up in therapy today.
6. what's your go-to recipe when you want to make something that requires minimal effort?
Buttered toast, man. Can't beat it. Good bread, nice butter.
14. what's a hobby you'd like to get into?
Well, further to what I said above, it'd be really nice to write fanfiction again. One day, idk.
Thank you guys!! :D
For disability pride, think I want to focus on this one thing that been bothering me
Been very frustrated lately by lack of phone call accessibility as someone who lacks speech but needs a lot of resources to stay healthy.
With rise of AI, it's only getting worse and worse.
More places changing their systems to incorporate AI answering machines.
Thing is...
Whenever I hear most people ranting about this change, it's usually about how annoying it is from an abled-person perspective or environmental or ethical impact.
Which are important valid reasons to be upset. I share those sentiments too.
But feel like disability is once again forgotten about within important discussion about change.
AI creates terrible language accessibility issues.
In fact, that's why it so annoying to deal with it.
In the past, if a place didn't have a call center or desk person to answer calls, they use extentions.
That meant you had to press a few numbers to get the right person.
Now with AI, you're expected to have a full conversation with a robot.
Tell them why you're calling, who you need to speak to, verify your info so the humans don't have to later, etc.
These bots can be bad at understanding what able-people are saying, so imagine how they handle these disabled callers:
People who use AAC (speech aids/devices)
People who slur, stutter, have "strange" voice or pronunciation
People with rapid or disorganized speech
People who use poor grammar & who don't speak full words or sentences
People who mix up similar common words
People with "deaf accent"
(i don't know if there is a different preferred term for this. Im sorry if I sound offensive. Please Lmk)
People with non-communicative speech such as vocal tics, echolalia, or babbling
Anyone who uses speech or language in a way that needs a human mind to interpret
Anyone whose voice sounds notably different
Ability to understand what AI is saying can be harder too:
d/Deaf people and other hearing differences
Auditory processing disorder
Receptive language disorder
Developmental disability, especially intellectual and learning disabilities
(AI can't help people who need things explained a certain way. AI unreliable and fails to adapt a lot.)
Anyone who frequently can't make out sounds and/or speech
Anyone who frequently has trouble with meanings in conversation
The problems I often face with AI answering machines (and that I'm sure many other disabled people have faced as well):
AI slightly mishearing me/my device
AI mishearing so badly that it basically makes up a fake conversation
AI not hearing me/my device at all
AI registering tics and stims as answers
AI "explaining" an instruction by repeating the same instruction again word-for-word
AI directing me to the wrong person without trying to confirm what I said
AI sometimes just... hanging up on me right after I speak my first answer...
These are the machines being put in front of
hospitals
doctors offices
mental health centers
pharmacies
transportation and in-home care
health insurance member services
medical supply companies
government resource agencies
non-profit organizations
advocacy groups
justice centers & other legal resources
customer service lines
many other places disabled people often need to access from home
It's another example of some of the most vulnerable being pushed away from the things we need, and we're also being forgotten in these discussions about things that can affect us a lot
Next time someone is ranting about AI job interviewers, please also remember:
the AI pharmacy assistants that make it impossible for someone with a speech disorder to sort out their meds
the AI scheduler that won't allow a D/deaf person to access the right extension of the clinic to set up an appointment
the AI agent that confuses an intellectually disabled person into anger and tears
the AI answerer that hangs up on a mentally ill person seeking help in crisis because they aren't speaking coherently enough
Human beings need to be at the forefront of human resources and issues for disabled people especially. Please remember us. Please fight.
Happy disability pride âĄ

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Cultural Insights of Our Own: Lessons From a Newly Decoded Digital Archive
Interplanetary Journal of Cultural Studies Volume 16, Issue 3, Pages 322-340
Abstract
The recently decoded Internet Archive includes the digital artifact called âArchive of Our Ownâ (AO3) from early third millennium Earth. AO3 is unusually well backed up and therefore is presumed to contain some of the most significant -- perhaps even sacred -- texts of the time. In this paper we present our preliminary analysis of AO3 metadata, including new insights about the literature, gender and sexuality, religion, and scientific understanding of this historical era:Â
I. LITERATURE. We describe the cultural centrality of figures such as the Winchesters and Reader. We explore how they featured heavily in every dominant literature genre of the era, including Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, and Oral Sex. Â
II. GENDER AND SEXUALITY. We review the overwhelming evidence that male-male relationships were the most culturally significant sexual and romantic relationships, but we also show that it was a culture with an unusually broad set of sexual and gender roles. In particular, we highlight the unusual tripartite conceptualization of gender as including alpha, beta, and omega roles; we note the apparent prejudice against betas, illustrated in the prevalence of âno beta we die like menâ and similar protest slogans.Â
III. RELIGION. We describe a newly discovered religious taboo: doves were a common sacrificial animal of the time, but they were forbidden from being eaten. Â
IV. SCIENCE. Finally, we present new insight about alternate universes. While previous scholars hypothesized that the scientists of Earth may have developed a correct early theory of the multiverse by the late second millennium, our analysis of AO3 presents evidence to the contrary. As late as the early third millennium, prevailing theories postulated highly specific universes, such as a universe in which everyone is in high school, or a universe contained within a coffee shop. Â
Taken together, these historical insights show that further investigation is warranted into the valuable documents stored within AO3, perhaps even going beyond the metadata to examine the full texts.
So I finished my first run of Baldur's Gate 3...