In A Row?

first of all im gay second i hate taylor swift

ads targeted to women: omg you are thirtyyyy. kill yourself

For this game of dodgeball, I will be specifically targeting the gayest and most autistic among you to eliminate. 

Okay so normal rules then

my cherios spelled out my exact address this morning but like what the gudge ever i gobbled those honey nut freaks up and licked the bowl too

Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️

HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

do you ever feel yourself fail a charisma check in real time

ive heard if its all gone wrong and is fucked beyond repair you can actually use it for banana bread

t shirt that just says WHATEVER YOU’RE READING INTO MY FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND BODY LANGUAGE YOU’RE MISINTERPRETING

feng shui sabotage by placing thousands of tiny ball bearings in a bag under your couch you won't see them but you'll feel the clutter

Something I think about a lot is when dj khaled spent a day lost at sea on a jet ski literally just because he drove away and got lost and started live posting about it and as he got increasingly panicked he started making like inspirational insta stories about his opps wanting him to fail even though he was entirely responsible for the situation and just started saying shit like “they don’t want you to WIN. they don’t want you to get found when you’re lost at sea in the dark”

@opossumtoes​

we've never found concrete proof of Nessie because we haven't loch'ed in