The reason most indie novels are written like the author is terrified of doing something wrong is because the overwhelming majority of indie novelists get their start by networking in the violent panopticon of the social media indie publishing community, which favours the people who are able to win at the social policing game.
I had heard of the whole messed up situation with this story, but I hadn't ever read the synopsis of the story before, and WOW
This story sounds like it could have been a brilliant exploration of gender and warfare and violence but instead it was attacked by people who didn't know how to confront a story that made them uncomfortable, and the author faced horrible consequences.
It's so important to be able to deal with stories that give you uncomfortable feelings in other ways than just attacking it. Being shown new perspectives sometimes has feelings of discomfort because it's an unfamiliar way of seeing the world.
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My favorite thing about fanfic authors is they can identify any gap in a canon timeline where characters are offscreen and exploit the ever living fuck out of it
#myilya has a reputation for being openly a giant gossip about other players. and like, not that that’s not canon, but there’s some faction of girls who are lesbians into hockey who call it for what dude bros never would - rozanov isn’t chirping just on the ice, he’s openly mean girling with other players off the ice too. roz “wendy williams” rozanov becomes a trending thing a few times over the course of his career, with brainrot memes about “wendy williams was pregnant with roz here” to match.
a video by a fan of him and cliff marleau talking INSANE shit on the bench resurfaces after The Outing, and the internet starts up on its usual bullshit of how ilya is too fun for shane again. the usual “oh it’s so sad that roz doesn’t have someone to match his energy” and “hollander is so boring what does a guy who talks like this even see in that”.
anyway, svetlana (who cares less about shane’s hockey image and letting him remain untarnished than ilya does—she’s smart and also a minority so she feels less guilt about pushing shane on it) catches wind of this. one day, out of actually fucking nowhere it’s just some wednesday, she posts a video from the cottage. shes been invited to stay the week to babysit shane who is out on IR, and they’re watching a centaurs vs. guardians game.
the camera is shaky, and held low, and at first you can only hear shane in the background, but then he becomes visible at an odd angle. he’s got his injured ankle up on the couch, he’s wearing a really low cut tank top and a slutty pair of shorts. he is also mid rant about “— and if your entire team is still falling apart to this level TWO YEARS LATER just because you lost one good player and another caught a case, then you have to ask yourself what’s f****** wrong with the f****** coaches. i mean, mathewson is an ugly son of a b**** but i didn’t realize he was f****** stupid too. and we’re not even playing well, smith is just that much of a f****** sieve. maybe if he put half as much weight into moving towards the puck as he puts into pushing his wife around — you’d like her by the way-“
the video goes viral instantaneously. people cannot believe that captain hollander is this mean, but devoted hockey fans also keep quoting it, shocked because he’s RIGHT. some girl who’s been a roz fan since boston tweets, “roz will chirp to piss you off, but hollzy will kill your family because he finds you disrespectful to the sport.”
the only response anyone can get out of the rozanov-hollanders is ilya retweeting that post.
(PS beans and rice combine into the perfect protein. Nice cheap way to keep your nutrition reasonably intact)
How to Treat A Bean Right, Because Recession
There is a whole wide world of different beans and legumes, from the humble navy bean stewed down to maximum heartiness to the elegant black lentil tossed in a lemon and dill vinaigrette topped with poached salmon. Unfortunately I see a ton of people just dumping some beans out of a can onto a plate and wondering why their McDonald's cued palates can't stand them. My dudes, beans are a staple in nearly every culture and they didn't get that way by unseasoned tinny chalk balls. Here's how to bean.
Selecting Beans
Beyond skipping over the canned when you can, not all dried beans are created equal. While they have a super long shelf life in regards to safety and not inculcating anything that would give us a food born illness they have a shelf life of about one year max in terms of quality. This means that the dusty bag on the bottom of the shelf in a suburban grocery store full of non bean eaters might do you wrong unexpectedly. Cooking will take longer, they may never actually get creamy, you may have a lot of withered "floaters" that never soften. Your best bet (in the USA) is to hit up stores that cater to Hispanic populations or vegetarians. Bulk bins are a great sign but not 100% necessary. A Mexican grocery store near me has bulk bins of pinto, black beans, and occasionally mayocoba as well as fresh(!) chickpeas on occasion. A trip to whole foods or a natural food store will net me cannelini beans or great northern beans and a whole rainbow of lentils that even when buying fancy pants organic are still cheaper than almost any other food staple. Have an Indian or Ethiopiangrocery store near you? Stock the heck up, and grab spices while you are there. More on that later. The only beans I really buy at big box supermarkets are ones that have them stocked near the middle height of the shelf (spots reserved for higher turnover items) and bags of 15 Bean Soup.
Bean Prep
Once you have your beans look them over a bit before you cook them. A quick rinse in a large bowl of water to get any dust or dirt off, make sure there are no small stones mixed in, and toss any withered up floaters you see.
I have taken a lot of J. Kenji Lopez-Alt's great research and food science to heart and he and Daniel Gritzer have a pretty exhaustive bean guide up on Serious Eats if you want the chemistry but the short take away is you only need to soak thicker skinned beans, soaking can take away some of the quality variability if you don't know if the beans are fresh, soaking can leach away flavor and nutrients of thin skinned beans like black beans, and you should cook your beans with salt.
If you are soaking you want to put your beans in a large container like a bowl or a Cambro, and cover them with cold water that is about twice their height. If you have an inch-thick layer of beans you want two inches of water above them. Let them sit 8 to 24 hours then cook them up.
Don't add acid until after cooking, and if your tap water has a low pH to where you find beans don't seem to get tender you should cook them with a smidge of baking soda. Start off with half a teaspoon per pound of beans in order to not effect the flavor too much, and adjust as needed to figure out hour much you need depending on how hard or soft your water is. (Most people will not have to adjust their water pH though, this is just outlier troubleshooting.)
Bean Cooking Methods
My Granny knew what was up with pressure cookers. And now that they are improved so much with new model stove top ones and electric ones like the Instant Pot where the risk of blowing beans into your ceiling is negligible it's one of the best investments for any home cook, even outside of the bean diet. If you don't want to get one though you will need a large pot with a lid on the stove or a dutch oven in a 250F oven with the lid slightly offset
Pressure cooking lets you skip soaking without consequence more than any other method, even with older beans. You don't have to worry about evaporation while cooking. It gives you the maillard reaction throughout the liquid unlike a dutch oven which only accomplishes it on the perimeter (and not at all with the slow cooker), and it's fast. With an electric one you automate the entire process as well.
Pressure cookers allow less evaporation so you will want your bean to water ratio to be less than other methods but soaking comes into play. I'm about 900 feet above sea level. For soaked beans I cover them with one inch of water above the level of the beans, for unsoaked I cover with two inches of water. If you are at a higher altitude unsoaked beans might require more water. For pots and dutch ovens two inches over soaked beans and three inches over unsoaked will be adequate.
Timing will depend on the bean and the method. Smaller beans cook faster, soaked beans cook faster. They're done when they are creamy inside and firm outside with few exceptions such as red lentils. THe best way is to just check the package or google what type of bean for which method you are using
Bean Seasoning
Here's the real rub for me and my real inspiration for writing this. Y'all under season your beans. Entire wars weren't fought for spice trade routes just so people could
forget what a bay leaf was. Your basic template for flavors is going to be Aromatic + Cooking Liquid + Acid. I know it sounds like a lot going on, but frequently one ingredient can cover multiple elements and just two our of three elements will take you far.
Aromatics
• Charred onions or caramelized onions • Mirepoix or trinity • Minced garlic and/or ginger • Fennel • Herbs such as bay leaves, rosemary sprigs, thyme sprigs, sage, cilantro, parsley, oregano, epazote, tarragon • Spices such as cumin, cloves, cardamom, turmeric • Spice blends such as garam masala, Cajun seasoning, Indian curry powder blends, BBQ rubs, Berebere • Chilis. Jalapeno, serrano, dried guajillo, canned chipotles in adobo, hatch chilies, canned diced green chilies. Just chilies.
Cooking Liquid
• Stock or broth is bare minimum. Get Better than Bouillon or a similar concentrated stock paste if you don't want to make your own but if you ever buy a rotisserie chicken you should really try making your own. l've used miso paste before when I had nothing else on hand. • A few shakes of Liquid Smoke. • Canned diced tomatoes (with or without chilies) • Some shakes of Fish Sauce AKA Nam Pla • A bit of Worcestershire • A glug of wine • Some beer (maintenance mode)
Acid
Once it's finished cooking a little acid can go a long way. A splash of vinegar, a squeeze of lime or lemon, hot sauce buffalo sauce, and suddenly the dish has new heights and depths.
[ HEADS UP FROM ALT TEXT ADDER: DO NOT ADD ACID WHEN COOKING IN A CAST IRON POT. It will react to the material and make everything taste nasty. This includes tomatoes! ]
Bonus
A bit of chorizo. Nduja. Some thick smoked ham, or even a bone from a smoked ham. A few sausages. A smoked turkey leg. Tasso. Andouille. A few slices of diced bacon. If it's meaty and salty and you don't have enough to make a meal of it use it as a flavoring agent in beans,
Storing Cooked Beans
Fridge 'em for 5 or 6 days without issue in a covered container or freeze them. Beans freeze wonderfully and you can bulk cook these, put some in a quart ziplock bags and freeze them up to 6 months. This is a great way to cycle through different flavors or types if you are getting burnt out.
Bean Flavor Combos
• Black beans + bell peppers, onions, garlic + bay leaves
• Black beans + onions + orange peel + all spice
• Black Beans + cumin and onion + cilantro + lime
• Pinto beans + onion and jalapeno + cumin and epazote
Reblogging the Alt Text version and adding two links I took from other reblogs:
The first is an FDA advisory basically saying that you shouldn't use a slow cooker on beans because they won't reach a temperature high enough to break down natural toxins found in some beans. They also state that dried beans should be soaked for at least 5 hours before boiling for at least 40 minutes (to neutralize the previously mentioned toxins).
The second link is the reddit source:
I also recommend going into the reblogs because there are a bunch of recipes and tips, including ones for people on digestive restrictions.
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shane in the beginning of their official relationship being unsure of how to do casual intimacy because he’s used to only get it if it’s during sex or with the intent of turning into sex but now they’re boyfriends and he doesn’t always know how to navigate that so sometimes he will just 🧍🏻♂️ in the middle of the room because he wants a smooch but he’s unsure of how to progress and he feels weird asking for it before eventually realizing that ilya is more than happy to indulge
those “just let people enjoy things” arguments are genuinely valid in some contexts but i also notice that it gets deployed most aggressively whenever someone suggests that maybe their consistent and total exclusion of women (and especially woc) from someone’s fandom engagement is perhaps worth a moment of reflection. some people hear the most gentle “have you ever considered why you only care about m/m” and interpret that as someone being too mean and shut it down with “just let people enjoy things!!!”. which is a fine principle, however its generally only being used here as a way to not think about something that would be uncomfortable for you to think about. and those are different things. i support people enjoying things! i also support occasionally asking yourself why the things you enjoy are overwhelmingly m/m or centred on men. enjoying things and examining why you enjoy them are not mutually exclusive. you can love your white guy blorbos and also ask yourself why in 20+ years you’ve never once cared the same amount about a woman.
i think a lot of these conversations would go better if people understood that recognising internalised misogyny is not a moral failing. nobody is saying you’re evil for liking yaoi. i promise you that someone saying “have you noticed this pattern?” is not the same thing as someone saying “you are forbidden from enjoying your favourite ship”. but refusing to even consider the possibility of that these patterns might be influenced by broader social biases is where the problem starts
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Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.
"kung pow penis," a phrase commonly used in reblogs to indicate utter disdain for OP, has twelve letters, each of which (traditionally) must be supplied by a different user. the unanimity of disdain indicated by these twelve unrelated users has strong parallels to the requirement of unanimity for a jury—also traditionally of twelve—to arrive at a verdict. in this essay i will
ngl whenever I think about malcolm in the middle I go kind of crazy because it truly was one of the most realistic series about working class america in a sitcom to date (as well as being funny as fuck). the parents both worked full time/overtime and struggled to pay their bills. the three boys shared a bedroom. they all lived on top of each other. the yard and house was constantly a mess bc there just wanted time. malcolm was a literal genius but it wasn’t enough—he still had to work full time out of highschool because he wasn’t privileged. the show reminded us that there’s not just one type of intelligence (reese flunked school but was a gifted chef). you could still have passions and hobbies even if you were poor, it just wasn’t as easy. the mom and dad loved each other, but they didn’t always like each other. the comedy came from the mundane day to day (despite there being outlandish and slapstick scenarios). they all loved each other despite being dysfunctional. idk I feel like it belongs in a display case it was so good
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