After 13 years of this, it's still funny to me that detailing a full mental breakdown on tumblr is standard fare, but posting a nice selfie is a fraught decision.

this is the correct way around and every other social media site is wrong

"i asked ai" okay well i asked my mom and she ignored me

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon

‎

beating up a cactus for hurting my friend (ow) (ow) (ow) (ow

not to be a buzzkill but i kinda hate when i see a video of teenagers goofing off or construction workers having fun and people in the replies are like "now THIS is what 'boys will be boys' should mean!" goofing off isn't a boys exclusive activity......... why did you immediately tie it to their boy-ness....... what's going on there huh............

being an executioner used to be an inherited job. imagine dealing with teen angst and also job shadowing your dad the town’s torturer

is that a nothing in your pants or are you just normal to see me

I can’t believe they’re making me do my degree I signed up for

Graduated!!

they’re making me do my job I signed up for

Looking up to 40 years in the furture when you come to this post announce you've retired

in this economy?

I’ll add the death announcement on this post to my will

You never know what color pallette someone's Tumblr is till ppl are screenshotting posts and tags

Oh wow.

Some people on tumblr are reading ancient scrolls and you'd never know

young old person tip for you all. go get some photos printed (pauses so someone can say bogos binted) and fill out a physical album

and annotate them with who is in the photos and when and where the photos were taken!!! your extended family 50 years from now will be grateful, and so will you if you end up forgetting any details

(sprints into room late, looking harried and frantic as fuck) bogos binted. did I miss it

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

‎

Item: Pigeon Shoes; a cheaper version of Flying Shoes that occasionally get distracted by bread crumbs

it goes without saying that i will be using the word angrypenny as if it was part of the common vernacular instead of a term that my dreaming brain conjured up i.e. "he's all about the angrypennies" (derogatory way to refer to a guy who searches for reasons to be angry and possibly lacks introspection)

Item: Angrypennies

"next time, log in faster with fingerprint/face/iris recognition!" how about i keep typing my password like i have for the past 25 years and you fuck off

‎