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feeling guilty over not working on your fic is so silly if you think about like why are you stressing over the hobby you do in your free time for fun lol wip not whip
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I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. At what point does the world accept that choosing between climate goals and anything else isn't a choice at all? Climate change can and will literally wipe us out as a species. It's like telling someone "please choose between not eating this candy bar and literally shooting yourself in the head." But no one wants to give up the candy bar so I guess we're shooting ourselves in the head.
— A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is eight years old, she’s got pink cheeks that her grandmother calls chubby. She wants a second cookie but her aunt says “you’ll get huge if you keep eating.” She wants a dress and the woman in the changing room says “she’ll probably need a large in that.” She wants to have dessert and her waiter says “After all that dinner you just had? You must be really hungry!” and her parents laugh.
A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is eleven and she is picked second-to-last in gym class. She watches a cartoon and sees that everyone who is annoying is drawn with a big wide body, all sweaty and panting. At night she dreams she is swelling like the ocean over seabeds. When she wakes up, she skips school.
A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is thirteen and her friends are stick-thin ballerinas with valleys between their hipbones. She is instead developing the wide curves of her mother. She says she is thick but her friends argue that she’s “muscular” and for some reason this hurts worse than just admitting that she jiggles when she walks and she’ll never be a dancer. Eating seconds of anything feels like she’s breaking some unspoken rule. The word “indulgent” starts to go along with “food.”
A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is fourteen and she has stopped drinking soda and juice because they bloat you. She always takes the stairs. She fidgets when she has to sit still. Whenever she goes out for ice cream, she leaves half at the bottom - but someone else always leaves more and she feels like she’s falling. She pretends to like salad more than she does. She feels eyes burrowing through her body while she eats lunch. Kate Moss tells her nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but she just feels like she is wilting.
A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is fifteen the first time her father says “you’re getting gaunt.” She rolls her eyes. She eats one meal a day but thinks she stays the same size. Every time she picks up a brownie she thinks of the people she sees on t.v. and every time she has cake, she thinks of the one million magazine articles on restricting calories. She used to have no idea a flat stomach was supposed to be beautiful until she saw advice on how to achieve it. She cuts back on everything. She controls. They tell her she’s getting too thin but she doesn’t believe it.
A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is sixteen and tearing herself into shreds in order for a thigh gap big enough to hush the screams in her head. She doesn’t “indulge,” ever. She can’t go out with friends, they expect her to eat. She damns her sweet tooth directly to hell. It’s coffee for breakfast and tea for lunch and if there’s dance that evening, two cups of water and then maybe an apple. She lies all the time until she thinks the words will rot her teeth. She dreams about food when she sleeps. Her aunt begs her to eat anything, even just a small cookie. They say, “One bite won’t make you fat, will it, darling?”
A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is seventeen and too sick to go to prom because she can’t stand up for very long. She thinks she wouldn’t look good in a dress anyway. Her nails are blue and not because they are painted. Her hair is too thin to do anything with. She’s tired all the time and always distracted. She once absently mentions the caloric value of grapes to the boy she is with and he looks at her like she’s gone insane and in that moment she realizes most people don’t have numbers constantly scrolling in their heads. She swallows hard and tries to figure out where it all went wrong, why more than a granola bar for a meal makes her feel sick, why she tastes disease and courts with death. She misses sleep. She misses being able to dream. She misses being herself instead of just being empty.
A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is twenty and writes poetry and is a healthy weight and still fights down the voices every single day. She puts food in her mouth and sometimes cries about it but more and more often feels good, feels balanced. Her cheeks are pink and they are chubby and soft and no longer growing slight fur. Her hair is long and it is beautiful. She still picks herself apart in the mirror, but she’s starting to get better about it. She wears the dress she likes even if it only fits her in a large and she doesn’t feel like a failure for it. She is falling in love with the fat on her hips.
She is eating out with friends and not worrying about finding the lowest calorie item on the menu when she hears a mother tell her four year old daughter “You can’t have ice cream, we just had dinner.
You don’t want to end up as a fat little girl.
///Why do we constantly do this to our children? _/// r.i.d
I keep seeing people saying that peter and frank have a "father/son dynamic" or a "uncle/nephew dynamic" but you are all wrong. They have the dynamic of the older coworker that you are way to close with when you're in your 20s. We've all had that coworker. Thats your best friend kinda. But it only works in a work setting
i feel really rusty doing this after so many years, but hey ho! if it's spidey i'm always watching, and i am always going to have Thoughts.
brand new day was fantastic. i have watched it twice and i might go watch it again as a little, you know. birthday treat. i deserve it! and so do you!
1. it packs such an emotional wallop into even the smallest moments, which makes the rewatch value really great - i was able to soak in more details each time. and the reason there's so much going on emotionally is because the home trilogy exists as such a rich origin story and because peter exists in the mcu.
the home trilogy gets a lot of flak in fandom (which appears to have increased after the success of BND) but like i've talked about in my reviews of those movies, they had to work with the unchangeable fact that this peter parker was introduced and then inducted into the world of the avengers by iron man, and how growing up in a world already shaped by established superheroes would shape him as a person. in spite of that absolutely enormous baggage, they delivered a series of movies that stand together as a cohesive tale, using characters and events from the mcu to inform rather than define peter's growth. for instance, i haven't watched anything mcu-related that doesn't have spiderman in it since endgame but i had absolutely no issues following the plot and emotional beats of BND. i don't even think the word "avengers" was mentioned once in this whole movie.
1.5. in some ways i think i like this spidey origin story more, in that the Life-Altering Uncle Ben of it all was spread across more time and across more characters. in a post iron man world it's not surprising that a teenager with superpowers might aspire to be like the avengers. iron man took on a father-figure-esque role for a relatively short time and taught him that there is more to being a hero than the fancy bells and whistles of his powers and his supersuit. and it was his death that started a series of increasingly catastrophic choices - heartbreakingly well intentioned - that has led to where peter is in BND: desperately lonely, performing spiderman to the point of nearly losing his humanity. but when it came to aligning his moral compass through all these years of tragedy and loss, fuelling the will to get up and try again no matter how beat-down, it wasn't uncle ben, or even iron man that made the difference: it was aunt may. hell, she delivered the wgpcgr line. no wonder she is the beating heart at the centre of every crisis peter finds himself in, long after her death.
oh, we finally have the classic street-level peter parker spidey movie in the mcu? thanks, none of that would have been possible without the groundwork laid by the home movies.
(SPOILERS for the whole movie ahead)
1.8 not that iron man's influence isn't still clearly felt in BND, from peter putting together his own suit tech and AI, using mass surveillance uncritically, to even creating a device that will, down the line, inevitably be used by terrible people to do terrible things to other people like him. tony stark isn't mentioned, but his legacy is still felt.
2. i love how much time we spend in peter's head, and that it feels emotional without being melodramatic. holland has this hollowed-out, gaunt look locked down every time he's got the mask off and it really sells the idea of this man that's starving himself of love and connection and basic emotional needs. the contrast between that and his light, quippy presentation when he's in the suit is jarring in all the right, intended ways: spiderman as performance, masking taken quite literally, while the human inside is barely feeling anything at all. the shots inside his mask work wonderfully to sell this dichotomy and is an absolutely inspired way to do a ton of character work for peter in just a few seconds. that shot of his eyes inside the mask, devoid of the thrill that his dive suggests, the way the music cuts out and is replaced by a long sigh? chef's kiss. no notes.
2.25 the isolation, the disconnect, the compulsive need to be constantly "working" as spiderman... it all comes across as a type of self-harm tbh. certainly it seems like that's what the movie's suggesting in the scene where peter's swinging out of costume, fresh out of being reminded of all that he left behind.
it's really interesting to think that this triggered a really traumatic shift into the next stage of his "evolution" which might have happened naturally otherwise.
2.8 i wonder how far this state of mind went towards him reaching out to jean grey at the end, too. strategically, this is the only way he could've defused the situation; also he is peter parker, and kindness and compassion is his thing, especially if he thinks he had a hand in whatever crisis the other person is going through. but i am also reminded that this same peter parker was a broken man after catching mj once jean had made her fall. you win, he said. no more.
3. and oh god. mj and ned. i love the movie's restraint in not taking the instant dopamine hit of them remembering him somehow and actually make a difficult and honest conversation between mj and peter happen where both of them come across as endlessly sympathetic. i love the quiet maturity in that scene progressing to having mj invite peter to her home anyway and to get a glimpse into a potentially new dynamic that they could all share. in time. with space.
and even if mj and ned did regain their memories of peter, four years have passed. mj in particular has spent more time unknowing peter than knowing him and peter... he has changed. they can recall with exacting clarity the seventeen year old version of him that they last saw and find it difficult to recognise him in this older, more weary version.
3.5 i love how it speaks to the bonds we form and then drift from in life, and the quiet grief of not knowing quite how to connect again despite knowing how it should feel. it's a really cool, really layered approach to this particular aftermath of peter's decisions at the end of no way home and it has so much potential for great drama going forward.
3.6 oh but the ending! ambiguous, but with just the right amount of hope to leave us on a high note.
4. gosh, i haven't even really started talking about how perfectly the punisher and the hulk fit into the story and the way they acted as perfect foils to peter's journey, the delicious devastation of jean grey's v-max reveal, the truly terrifying way she tormented peter in the first half of the movie, the stellar swinging shots, comic cover recreations and fight choreography, and dewolff! the absolutely hilarious spectacle of the punisher wearing spidey's mask as a distraction! the peter two mention!
... you just might be hearing a lot more from me about this movie in the coming weeks.
what a great fucking movie. deserves every bit of its success.
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I find the whole thing with Peter's spidey hormones being all fucked up due to suppressing his grief and trauma and it making him go all berserk so, so interesting because like... that is trauma response. That is a physical manifestation of trauma response. Not unlike how Hulk is a manifestation of Bruce's anger. On the surface you just see a regular guy and he seems all fine but brewing underneath is a huge, hulking, ugly monster born of pure anger. And that is the point. Going through the things Peter did, that grief and that pent-up anger suddenly taking ahold of you and flooding out and ruining your judgement makes you feel terrifying and horrible and monstrous. He is not himself. And he is trying desperately to tame that monster throughout the entire movie because if he can't kill it off entirely, then maybe he can at least keep a leash on it. Then maybe he can science his way through silencing and controlling it. But no, that isn't how trauma response works. You need to feel that anger and grief. It is a part of you now, and that's okay. You need to learn how to live with and around it. It doesn't make you any less human. It doesn't make you a monster.
Like do you know how precious that is to me. Do you understand how fucking ill it makes me. "You just seem like a good guy who might just be changing" fucking kill me now
house I am staying in for work usually houses a ~christian marriage counselor~ and I flipped through a book and stopped in my tracks. it had not occurred to me, no.
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so wildly obnoxious when you agree with the starting point of someone's stance only for them to hard turn into things you DON'T agree with and now you have to defend the thing that was originally annoying you
"too many authors in the current market are focusing on selling 'spice' instead of telling interesting stories"
"oh yeah, i agree. i started reading one that i heard a lot about and it just wasn't-"
"and it's all of these women reading their fucking mommy porn out in public like FREAKS"
*through gritted teeth* "people should be allowed to read whatever they want, and actually these books should be left alone and you should shut up about it"