I can’t ever lose you from my head

married shane does NOT play about ilya when it comes to the press. he's letting out a decade of pent up 'wheres the fucking translator? what do you fucking MEAN you don't have one?', instant 'rephrase that' to the offending journalist when ilya hesitates over a question, gets into full blown forget-the-media-training arguments when it's implied that ilya is somehow stupid for not speaking perfect english, n switches seamlessly between russian, french, and english to make interviews as easy as possible for ilya. meanwhile ilya is giving him the biggest wettest lover boy eyes n WILL be raw dogging him crazy style the moment its over.

#'i wouldn't worry dorogoy it looks like they're not doing anything with it' *kind of. forgot he did that UNTIL THIS EXACT MOMENT*#'yeah but what if they decide to build a house or something?? it's kind of close'#'i REALLY don't think it's going to be a problem'#'yeah but you don't KNOW'#ilya: *sweating*#listen it made sense when he was drunk and in his feelings okay#hangover of all time waking up and realizing that you did indeed just shell out an ungodly amount of money for canadian property#next to your maybe-ex fuckbuddy#rip buddy#also rip to anyone on the team who had to deal with him soon after lmao#and also like. atp. he doesn't want to sell it.#because if someone else bought it#they could indeed maybe see shane's property depending on where they build a house#(that was. a primary. motivation. in ilya buying it.)#so ilya doesn't want someone else to buy it because he likes how private it is#but now shane is puzzling it over and ilya is fucking NERVOUS#because he can only fuck shane so many times to change the subject before shane is going to start catching on#and it did dawn on him that he could lie A LITTLE BIT and say 'oh i bought it so we both have this place together <3'#but he KNOWS shane#shane will want details#AND ILYA CANNOT PROVIDE DETAILS#if shane starts looking at dates on deeds and receipts of sale#it is OVER for ilya#he will face chirping NONE could survive

Yuna always calls Shane her favorite mother's day gift, because his birthday occasionally falls on mother's day. When Ilya joins the family, and they learn his birthday is close to father's day, David starts calling Ilya his favorite father's day gift. Shane is insulted because he bought David a trip to Iceland last year.

a book should be $5 a little drink should be $2 and museum access should be free and all hours

In love with the idea of Ilya sitting Rose down like she did with Shane and him being like “lesbian 🫵🏻” and then the next time Ilya, Shane, and Rose hang out, she’s telling them how she can’t believe she didn’t realize she was gay and that all of the gay men she’s dated should have been a clue, etc. and Ilya looks her dead in the eyes and goes “not so gay you couldn’t fuck Shane Hollander”

rose “babe no one is too gay or straight to fuck shane hollander. ask ANY hockey player.” and now ilya’s pissed again

Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.

“Is just a plan to fuck” Ilya be SOOOOO fucking for real was it casual when u planned how u were gonna slip hollander your room number in the middle of the fucking all star skills competition was it casual when u gaped openly at shane on his knees for you was it casual when u princess carried him to the bed and said “on your stomach… on your stomach!” three seconds into blowing him because you wanted to fuck him so bad it made you look stupid ILYA PLEASEE