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@norgbelulah
Ilya: Okay everybody listen the fuck up!
Raiders: 👀
Ilya: My Jane said she will send me glasses pic if we win tonight!
Raiders who have experienced this before: Fuck yeah brother 😫🙏
Ilya: So I am not loosing to New fucking Jersey and missing a picture of my pretty Jane in her glasses!
The whole team realising oh shit he means business: Yes captain! 🫡
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ilya mic’d up talking with his teammates about recipes he’s been trying recently and tricks he’s been trying to teach anya. and shane mic’d up barely having something that producers can actually use because of the amount of swears
David Hollander is definitely the type of man to randomly put on a song and pull his wife up to dance with him, especially if she’s stressing about something, or worrying, or upset, or just because. She will usually lightly protest, honey, I need to finish this email, but she’ll happily go along nonetheless.
David does it for the first time in front of Ilya when the boys are visiting and Shane and Yuna are planning (arguing) about something new brand deal.
He puts a song on the record player (Yuna has given up teaching him the Alexa), and he takes Yuna’s hand without a word. She protests that they need to plan out these contract terms and how his son is being difficult about it.
Shane starts to protest at that, but doesn’t get far until Ilya pulls him up to dance, too. A very embarrassed Shane goes willingly. He’s watched his father do this for years but never thought he would be pulled up to dance one day. From the fond looks from his parents, they probably didn’t either.
Shane meets Ilya’s smile with a half-hearted glare, but can’t deny swaying to the music in his boyfriend’s arms feels much better than stressing about a brand deal. Ilya makes a note to ask David for anymore tips and tricks.
another pet peeve of mine in fics is a weirdly reocurring theme of having shane not know anything about movies for some reason
it's such a random harmless thing but it pisses me off so much for no reason kjks it's one of the few things we canonically know he enjoys doing outside of hockey! its basically 1) real estate 2) movies 3) that's it. he got excited at the idea of meeting rose landry and was starstruck when he did! he surprised her by knowing and remembering well one of her old niche movies!
he literally watches a lot of movies!
ive read several fics where ilya makes a reference to a movie or an actor or something and shane doesn't get it and ilya makes fun of him for it and i keep noping out when it happens sjsk he's literally the only character we know for a fact enjoys movies! one time in one of those fics they even had him answer "listen i just don't watch a lot of movies!" and i was like um?🤨
shane + that reaction he has bc of ilya's antics (that he loves 🙂↔️💕)
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hell yeah! I never meet any hot chicks in ##USER_CITY##, it’s a total backwater!
take me down to the ##USER_CITY## where the grass is ##COLOUR## and the girls are ##USER_PREFERENCE##
baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.
Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.
i just HAD to draw this
this is how new yorkers @ mamdani
heated rivalry + text posts // part eight.
I feel like everyone talks about how great of a father Ilya is gonna be because he's so good with kids so often, that we ignore Shane has THE most dad energy I've ever seen. He's standing beside his kids while they watch TV, claiming he's not watching because he has stuff to do. He's up at 7am on a saturday mowing the lawn or fixing stuff in the bathroom you didn't even KNOW needed fixing. His kids come home from practice and he's watching the most niche ass hockey stats breakdown video on youtube and he is SAT and focused for all 40 minutes. Oh you mentioned you like something? He's picking several up from the store DONT comment on it. All of his texts have periods, are straight to the point, and include either "OK" or "👍"
And he's the best dad a kid could ask for.
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married shane does NOT play about ilya when it comes to the press. he's letting out a decade of pent up 'wheres the fucking translator? what do you fucking MEAN you don't have one?', instant 'rephrase that' to the offending journalist when ilya hesitates over a question, gets into full blown forget-the-media-training arguments when it's implied that ilya is somehow stupid for not speaking perfect english, n switches seamlessly between russian, french, and english to make interviews as easy as possible for ilya. meanwhile ilya is giving him the biggest wettest lover boy eyes n WILL be raw dogging him crazy style the moment its over.
At a particularly low point during the Rose era, Ilya was up until 4am stalking the location of Shane’s cottage and then whoops! he paid a fortune to buy the adjoining plot of land.
Once they’re back together, Ilya has to decide whether to admit to the most insane thing he’s ever done or try to sell property in a country he doesn’t live in without Shane noticing.
shane starts thinking out loud during a trip up there together about whether he should go ahead and try to buy the adjoining lot in case they want to add a guest house one day or just want more privacy and ilya just
#'i wouldn't worry dorogoy it looks like they're not doing anything with it' *kind of. forgot he did that UNTIL THIS EXACT MOMENT*#'yeah but what if they decide to build a house or something?? it's kind of close'#'i REALLY don't think it's going to be a problem'#'yeah but you don't KNOW'#ilya: *sweating*#listen it made sense when he was drunk and in his feelings okay#hangover of all time waking up and realizing that you did indeed just shell out an ungodly amount of money for canadian property#next to your maybe-ex fuckbuddy#rip buddy#also rip to anyone on the team who had to deal with him soon after lmao#and also like. atp. he doesn't want to sell it.#because if someone else bought it#they could indeed maybe see shane's property depending on where they build a house#(that was. a primary. motivation. in ilya buying it.)#so ilya doesn't want someone else to buy it because he likes how private it is#but now shane is puzzling it over and ilya is fucking NERVOUS#because he can only fuck shane so many times to change the subject before shane is going to start catching on#and it did dawn on him that he could lie A LITTLE BIT and say 'oh i bought it so we both have this place together <3'#but he KNOWS shane#shane will want details#AND ILYA CANNOT PROVIDE DETAILS#if shane starts looking at dates on deeds and receipts of sale#it is OVER for ilya#he will face chirping NONE could survive
Yuna always calls Shane her favorite mother's day gift, because his birthday occasionally falls on mother's day. When Ilya joins the family, and they learn his birthday is close to father's day, David starts calling Ilya his favorite father's day gift. Shane is insulted because he bought David a trip to Iceland last year.
Oh one BIG reason I think the general public in Canada especially would be extremely pro-Shane Hollander even post-outing: he imports Ilya Rozanov and he doesn't leave Canada even when the situation in Montreal goes sideways
It's honestly impossible to overstate what a big deal that is. Canada constantly losing their hockey talent to US teams and the Stanley drought...it doesn't fucking matter what went down with those French Canadians, the rest of the country is ignoring that, he's still their hero.
When Ilya steps out in a Team Canada jersey at the 2026 Olympics and they crush team USA 6-0 in the gold medal match Shane would be instantly deified as the first Canadian saint.
One thing that I think HR fic doesn’t make enough of is Ilya saying “I love you,” to every Raider as they come off the ice. I want to know fifty different versions of how that came about. I want to know if he does it in Ottawa. If he does, when did he start? If he doesn’t, why the fuck not??
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I love this autistic gay boy
a book should be $5 a little drink should be $2 and museum access should be free and all hours
