its important that #myilya was a capital P capital B Party Boy. he’s recapping all of his wildest nights to shane who is shaking his head in disapproval but getting painfully hard at the idea of it all 🙂↕️ 🙂↕️
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its important that #myilya was a capital P capital B Party Boy. he’s recapping all of his wildest nights to shane who is shaking his head in disapproval but getting painfully hard at the idea of it all 🙂↕️ 🙂↕️

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Ilya: You think I do not know this? I am listening to him at a high rate.
So one afternoon at the cottage, Ilya has been in and out of the lake all day, excited like a kid, splashing around and clowning and fascinated by the wildlife and showing off for Shane. And after they finally head back inside and shower off the lake smell, Shane settles on the couch with a book and Ilya flops down with him, stretched out with his head in Shane's lap and whining until Shane frees a hand to sink into his hair. And it's been such a nice full day and it's all warm dozy sunshine and the lovely earthy nature smell that's everywhere around the cottage and Ilya has his face tucked into Shane's stomach where he can breathe him in, the familiar scent of his detergent and body wash, and Shane's big warm hand is in his hair and Ilya's pleasantly tired and drowsy and so comfortable that he just... drifts off, the kind of wonderfully indulgent nap that he never really gets during the season and finds hard to justify when he's in Russia for the summer.
But this year he's not in Russia, and he slips into this warm syrupy slumber while Shane pets through his hair (incidentally making a disastrous mess of his curls) and reads his book. When Ilya eventually rouses, with a happy grumble of contentment, nuzzling closer into Shane's stomach, he can feels Shane laughing gently at him almost before he hears it.
"Did you sleep well?" Shane asks, and that sounds warm and syrupy too, and Ilya rolls over so he can smile at Shane and revel in the smile he gets in return.
And then Shane says, "Are you hungry? It's almost dinnertime," and Ilya realises he's been lying here, napping and pinning Shane to the couch and wasting both of their time, for hours, and he jackknifes upright so suddenly that Shane startles back.
"Fuck!" Ilya spits out. "I was--fuck, has been so long. Why didn't you wake me up?" already guilty because Shane had wanted to make some pasta thing that he was weirdly excited about and they'd talked about maybe playing more Chel but now the whole day's been napped away and--Ilya sneaks a look---Shane's book is lying closed on the couch, bookmark set neatly aside, so Shane had finished his book and not even been able to get up to go do something else.
And he's just smiling at Ilya, completely unconcerned that Ilya's been idle and asleep and... and... lazy, all afternoon, just glad Ilya had a good nap.
Shane's frowning in mild confusion at him. "Why?" he says, genuinely not seeing the problem. "You were napping, it was nice. I mean, if I'd needed to pee or something I'd have got up but I was fine." He reaches out and smoothes some of Ilya's hair down. "Oh, the pasta. We can do that tomorrow, we have all that salad from lunch and rolls and there's peaches if we want dessert."
Ilya must have responded somehow because Shane beams at him and says, "Cool, I'll go set the table if you want to go wash your face." He smirks and pokes at Ilya's cheek. "Got a little drool there." And then he smacks a kiss on Ilya's head, gets up, and trots over to the kitchen while Ilya just sits there reeling.
Anyway it's really important to me that Shane dismantles all of Ilya's awful self-talk about laziness.
I know we joke about it all the time but hotel room walls are...GENUINELY very thin. The bit in the HR novel where Shane and Ilya fuck in the shower so that the water drowns out the sounds actually rang as extremely accurate to me. Like, the lack of boundaries that must exist not just for the Centaurs but for ANYBODY who spends a significant amount of time sharing hotel room walls with their teammates is just unbelievable.
Like, on any given roadie the people sharing walls with the Hollanovs can expect to overhear:
- One side of phone calls between Shane and his mother where every third word is FUCK and Shane's voice gets higher the more he works himself up about whatever league drama is pissing him off that week
- Ilya yelling in Russian (Non sex reasons) (He and Svetlana are talking about Matheson in Colorado. Again.)
- Ilya gets hay fever real bad in Seattle and spends an entire night sneezing at EAR SPLITTING volume, each sneeze followed by a, "AHH!" from Shane as he is startled awake. Again.
- The Christmas wish lists of every Pike child and how they're going to be divvy'd up for the year. This conversation takes place in September.
- "I'm telling you, the penalty kill could be a work of fucking art if Haas--oh fuck, right there, don't stop--"
- As stated before, an objectively obnoxious amount of showering is happening. At one point LaPointe turns to Bood and says something to the effect of, "Crazy that Hollander takes TWO showers after every game, I guess he really is superstitious," and Bood just. Chooses not to engage.
- A thunderous and almighty BANG. This is the sound of Ilya's suitcase hitting the floor after it inevitably slides off the bed.
- "Shaaaaane, look at the livestream from the dog hotel--look at how cute! She is so sleepy, she's holding her banana like a baaaaby--"
- Vin Diesel's voice, unimaginably loud, at one AM
- Russian Yelling (Non sex reasons) (Sasha did something stupid)
- "Unh unh unh UNH UNH UNH--" (Squeak. Squeak.)
- Celtics game. Twenty minutes beforehand: "Fuck, Shane, how do I get ESPN on the stupid--Roku stick thing--"
- "Okay, look, your dad played the word veer--is not real word, right? Like, deer with a V? It's real? Shane, we can't let your dad win--no, it's not cheating, he gets Yuna's help--"
- Stuff about Rose Landry's upcoming film that they should probably all sign NDAs for even thinking about.
- Russian Yelling (Sex reasons. Probably. It sounds...ardent.)
- One time, for an entire night, silence. The day immediately preceeding this night and the morning immediately after are best left unspoken about.
- The sound of Shane's fuckass electric toothbrush for WAY too long. Seriously man it cannot be healthy to brush your teeth for that lo--oh. Got it. Okay. Where are my earbuds.
- "I mean, it's not like I'm sixteen anymore, right? It's just that sometimes I think she looks at me and sees a fucking kid still, and I get it, I get it--and fuck, babe, I know it's not fair to feel this way, she's the only mom I'll ever have, and you don't even--ugh--"
- "I'm so terribly sorry the hotel misplaced your bags, Mister Rozanov. If there's any way that we can...make it up to you..." [Giggle. Kissing sound. Kissing sound. Moan.]
- Banging on the wall and, "KEEP IT DOWN, ROOK," the one. Singular. Time. That Holmberg manages to pull on their West Coast roadie. Which may or may not be the beginning of his villain origin story.
shane is actually the best boyfriend that ever boyfriend’d. he’s opening doors, pulling out chairs, having his arm over back rests, holding hands while he drives, standing on the road side of the sidewalk. he’s so boyfriend coded. and ilya eats it all up! he loves being dotted on! he loves having a boyfriend!

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Ilya getting punished for something. The punishment?
Shane locks the door to their gym and works out alone, without an audience, and makes sure Ilya knows he’s wearing a tiny white tshirt and even tinier white short shorts and his backwards Rozanov 81 Cens ball cap.
Halfway through just to be a shit Shane FaceTimes Rose.
Ilya is suffering greatly.
shane effortlessly defying ilya's internal self deprecation with the most blunt, heartstopping, to the point sincerity is such an important part of their dynamic to me
"but you know me, i'm lazy, so." "i don't know that side of you at all."
"is that what we are going to do? relax?" "i hope so. i would like to relax with you. for once."
"because you like to be bad." "hey, that's not what this is. you and me. maybe it was at first but, not now, and not for a long time."
to the point where it even usurps other peoples interpretations of ilya before he gets the chance to internalize them -
"but, you hate him." "no. i mean, i get that. but no. i love him."
and ilya has that exact same subtly gobsmacked expression every time he does it
ilya is a d1 ragebaiter. hes a fucking pro. but his absolute favorite move is playing the long game. jabbing at a player, small comments that go mostly unnoticed. just a chirp here and there. low enough in passing no one picks up on it but the target. and they just layer and layer until finally the player snaps at which point ilya lets them get one good hit and then breaks out his wide, innocent baby blues and turns to the ref like what the fuck is wrong with him. it must be used sparingly to stay maximally effective but goddd is it Ilya's most satisfying ragebait
David did not tell Yuna what he saw at the cottage. But, he did come home visibly upset so he had to tell her something.
"Is Shane okay?" Was Yuna's first question.
"Yes," David was quick to reassure her. "He's fine. He's great."
"David," Yuna said worriedly, hand on his bicep. "Is Shane okay?"
"He really is. I promise, sweetheart. I would tell you if he wasn't," David promised her because he would. "But I - he was - he's probably going to be headed over here soon."
"Why?" Yuna started to get more worried, despite her husband's reassurances. "David, what happened? Did you two fight?"
David did interrupt his silent retreat but Yuna couldn't imagine Shane getting into a fight with his father over that.
"No," David caught her eyes. "Do you trust me?"
"Of course."
"Then please don't ask. I saw something I shouldn't have and I - I want it to be Shane's choice if he tells us. I promise you he's safe. We didn't fight. He's - he might be upset with me, but he's okay."
Yuna searched his face for another moment before she slowly nodded.
She had an idea of what David might have seen.
She had considered that Shane's 'silent retreat' might not be the complete truth. She also recognized how upset her husband was at unintentionally learning something about their boy that he wasn't ready to share.
"Okay," Yuna pulled him in for a hug. "I'll make some tea."
"I feel so horrible."
"Shane loves you, he'll understand," Yuna said.
"I hope so," David pulled back. "I can make the tea. Shane will probably want some if he comes over."
He used to make Shane hot chocolate after nightmares, or doctor visits, or difficult practices. When he was a teenager, he started asking for tea instead.
Yuna, sensing David needed something to do, said, "use the new one my aunt sent us. It takes a little longer but I think Shane will like it."
~*~*~
"So, what did you see," Yuna asked her husband as they watched their son and his boyfriend, Ilya Rozanov, drive away.
"I wondered how long it would take for you to ask," David smiled.
"Hush you," Yuna glared. "Like you wouldn't be curious. Unless, god, did you walk in on-"
"No," David stopped her. "They were just walking up from the dock. I would have left but when I noticed it was Rozanov - or Ilya, I mean - I was just frozen there."
"Then how did you know they were, you know, together?"
"Well they kissed on the porch," David winced. "And Ilya..."
"Ilya what?"
"He, uh, had his hand on Shane's…bottom."
Yuna and David stared at each other for a few seconds before Yuna couldn't take it anymore, smile spreading across her face and burst out laughing, hand gripping her husband’s shirt to hold herself up.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Yuna laughed out.
"Yuna!" David admonished but he was laughing too. He reached out to steady her. "It's not funny!"
"When you put it that - that way!" Yuna tried to gather herself. "Ilya Rozanov. Ilya Rozanov. I can't believe it."
"He's a sweet kid," David was still smiling, thinking about Ilya standing awkwardly by his son, happily eating pasta, saying he'd leave the team that drafted him for their Shane.
Yuna softened. "He really is. He looks so much younger in person."
"Well," David wrapped an arm around her waist. "I think he might be ours now."
shane hollander is the kind of guy to say "I don't really like bananas because they always make my mouth itchy" and also he is 34 when he says this
ilya rozanov is the kind of guy who checks if he's still allergic to something every few years (he is)

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ilya rozanov is the type of guy to fall for game ads, so when one of the pike kids asks “you got games on your phone?” he unlocks his phone like a man showing off the inner pockets of his trench coat to reveal pages and pages of candy crush, toon blast, homescapes, gardenscapes, mahjong, solitaire, you name the ad he has the game
and it’s crazy because he is at an absurdly high level on each of them, i mean IR81 is topping the in-game leaderboards
and that’s how hayden and shane find the pike kids, in awe, huddled around ilya on his phone playing cooking fever like a madman
16 year old Shane getting flustered from a chirp from a very attractive hockey player he’s facing off against . But then the guy misses a really easy goal & Shane gets the ick so bad it shoves him back into the closet for another year
ilya rozanov type shit
if rozanov fucks you tonight, i'm gonna fuck him back
I saw someone mention they headcanon Shane as a rainbow baby and that's all I've been thinking about all day and the more I think about it, the more I feel like it really could be canon or at least implied canon.
David mentioned in TLG that him and Yuna "could only have one child" and that they even considered adoption after having Shane which implies they had fertility issues.
Imagine a young Yuna and David being all excited about the prospect of starting a family together only to be met with difficulties getting pregnant after months, maybe even years, of trying. Imagine the absolute heartbreak when they do finally manage to get pregnant only for it to end in a miscarriage. Poor Yuna probably blamed herself and David was probably doing his best to be supportive and strong for his wife while she was at a mental and emotional low. Maybe they take a break from trying for a little while to heal emotionally. When their spirits are in a better place, they decide to start trying again and to their surprise and delight, they managed to get pregnant again. Yuna is overjoyed but also terrified of another miscarriage happening so she and David do everything in their power to keep her mind and body as calm and stress-free as possible throughout the pregnancy.
After 9 months, filled with hope and anxiety, their baby boy Shane came to them in the spring.
Him being their rainbow baby just adds a whole other layer to their love for him and I don't even care if it's not proper canon, I am now a rainbow baby Shane truther!

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Ilya couldn't believe what he had been reduced to. He was...infatuated. It was disgusting.
- Heated Rivalry, chapter 23
Shane also needs to interact with other gay men just to understand how truly lucky he is. He needs to hear someone go off about going on Grindr to find a top for the night and then finding out that all of the guys who have the 'Hung' tag on their profile are packing like five and a half inches at MOST and then Shane has to be like "Oh that. Yeah that sounds rough." Meanwhile he lost his anal virginity to a knockout with model looks who works out for a living and started their relationship by jerking his enormous hog at him in a communal shower which has always been one of Shane's top five fantasies. And he's literally never had to be on The Apps because he's the bottom of all time actually and the DomTop with the enormous dick imprinted on him like a fucking duckling the first time Shane came untouched under him which was, I cannot stress this enough, when he LOST HIS VIRGINITY.
Like shut the fuck up Shane Hollander how does it feel to be the chosen one. He has to confront all of this because he needs to know that he has, once again, won at life in every meaningful way. And then he can sit there like :] while that sad bottom over there bemoans the Grindr biome.