Jesus: iâm going to come back in 3 days
people: yeah okay Jesus
*three days later*
jesus:

if i look back, i am lost

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@nitarachan
Jesus: iâm going to come back in 3 days
people: yeah okay Jesus
*three days later*
jesus:

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Hank Anderson, a grumpy big softie who is eventually all over his android-partner Connorđđđđđđđđđđ
People in the old days were clipping everything to everything⌠clipping cardigans into capes, shoes into different shoes. clipping through the roof. Clipping through the floor.
you guys wanna see the most accurate and blasphemous representation of the words âcatholic shamingâ?
happy easter, everyone
you know Easter is just around the corner cause this post is making rounds again
Itâs that time of the year again
Hi there Iâm looking for a honest and loving sugar baby companion here and I will be paying sweetly $800 dm +13133640399 WhatsApp
This is the funniest thing that has happened to this post
reblog if your name isn't Amanda.
2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!
Weâll find you Amanda.
this has almost 11 million notes what is this
Iâve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
Iâve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????
oh my god, I didnât think there were any surviving versions of this post left
For those who werenât around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post youâve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.
This is the âDeanâs Gym Shortsâ post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original âReblog if you support gay peopleâ post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.
This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

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very excited about this new medical option where we swallow a vibrator
i regret to inform you all that i did the research so you dont have to, and its exactly what you think. it's a machine. its got an app. you can monitor the pill, in your body, through the app.
you raise such a good question
what is endgame for the vore vibrators
y'all, literly nothing on this website will tell me what is in the capsule or what happens to the capsule when it comes out the other end, but I have learned that it takes 3 weeks of treatment to see significant results and also that you have to place the capsule in an "activation pod" before you swallow it
and yes there is an app
I found a pdf they provide for physicians and I am currently making my way through it
current fun facts:
-the Pod has a usb charger and a wall adapter
-do not MRI this capsule, dear god
-do not bite the capsule
-if a child swallows a capsule they need to go to the hospital
more fun facts from the dosing instructions
there are no directions for what to do at the end of the line so I am assuming the mystery capsule (that should not be allowed around pacemakers) gets flushed
it does say to see a doctor if you think it has not been excreted "within 2 weeks"
ps I assume this is standardized language, but I LOVE the idea that the vore vibrator might accidentally interfere with TV and radio
@kawaiianimeredhead i vote yes
@anonymousalchemist
canât believe yâall havenât switched to calling these vorebrators yet
Elias: *tries to mind fuck future!martin*
Future!Martin: *punches him*
I just- theyâre so- I mean-
WERE ANY OF YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PHYSICAL REACTION TO HOT PEOPLE??? LIKE HEARTRATE RISES AND ALL THAT. THATâS REAL??
Iâve been dramatically exaggerating my reactions to hot people for YEARS because I thought that was what everyone did. For COMEDIC EFFECT. are you telling me all the squealing and people getting flustered and those ânot to be a lesbian but oh my godâ tags were Not A Joke
At least dinosaurs. Are real
A small collection. Happy ace week you guys
TIME OUT! I called time out!
That corgi said:

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Fucking finally. I can finally post this and oh fuck Iâm so incredibly proud of it. Iâm gonna go cry and sleep now Oh TMA season 5⌠What an adventure
Even Weird Al has had that⢠experience with Tony Hawk
Tony Hawk IS Forrest Gump
So I looked up why and how this happened, and it turns out Weird Al hired a company called Birdhouse Skateboards to provide some âskate/punkâ extras for the video. Birdhouse Skateboards is a company started by Tony Hawk, so not only did Weird Al end up putting Tony Hawk in his video without realizing it, he actually hired Tony Hawkâs company without realizing it! And then Tony Hawk just decided to go along as one of the extras himself.
BTW, heâd already won like 40 contests already, some of them international skateboarding contests. So itâs not like Weird Al cast some unknown skateboarder who ended up becoming World Famous Skateboarder, he was already well known and was running his own Skateboarding company.
I love driving at the exact speed limit and having speeders behind me get frustrated. i will get to my destination when I get to my destination and so will you. im teaching you patience right now. you should be listening & learning.
Youâre making me late
leave earlier âĽď¸
At this point if I see thisÂ
I know itâs the tumblr equivalent of

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My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:
Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.
I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being âsoftâ or some crap like that.
My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT
She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar
My ancestors watching me use my stand mixer while living in a small apartment and attending university: Thou hast kneadeth bread in FOUR hail marys??? FOUR??? And thou ist poor as a churchmouse, yet liveth in a fine cottage with four pounds butter and fresh berries in thy larder!! And two featherbeds! And thou attendeth the Kingâs college, as a lord!!
My ancestors being like:
Look at this fine young lady! She can paint she can sew and embrody, she sings and read
And without a wealthy father to pay for that, plus she is florid in the body! She doesnât know hunger!
We did it!
Me: /wearily studying/
My Ancestors: TRULY SHâ what? They? A little unorthodox, but reasonable I suppose. TRULY THEY PROSPER, FOR THEY LIVE IN A DWELLING WITH MANY ROOMS AND ONLY THEIR SPOUSE TO SHARE IT WITH! THEY HAVE DOGS WHO DO NOT PERFORM A FUNCTION! THEY HAVE MANY BOOKS AND DO NOT HAVE TO SPIN THEIR OWN YARN! THEY BATHE AT A WHIM WITH GENTLE SOAP FREE OF LYE! OUR DESCENDANT BRINGS HONOR AND PRIDE TO OUR LINEAGE!
Me: /yawns and sips my coffee/
My Ancestors: /cheer wildly/
Me: *hunched over at my desk nursing a headache.*
My Ancestors: âTruly, we prosper; see here, our infirm descendant need not even work on her poor days, but has the luxury to rest as she sees need! A doctor attends to her illnesses; her clothes are warm and free of pests; she cares for exotic and dangerous animals within her own home! We have found the height of luxury!â
Me: *treats myself to a pineapple and a bunch of bananas*
My Georgian ancestors: ZOOTH SHE HAS BOUGHT A PINEAPPLE! NOT MERELY BORROWED ONE! TRULY SHE HAS ACHIEVED FAR MORE THAN WE COULD KNOW!
me: [puts on warm socks and a blanket, is now warm regardless of the weather outside]
My impoverished Russian Jewish ancestors:
Me: [learns to knit from youtube videos]
My ancestors: Our descendant, the heir to all our hopes and fears for a far-off future⌠She can buy fine clothes woven and knit by automatons, with but a fraction of a dayâs earnings⌠and she does⌠she has so much free time to do as she pleases⌠and she uses some of that time to do what we did.
One woman from rural Poland, who died from smallpox in 1717 CE, a grandmother at 35: I knit roses and peonies into my and my childrenâs gloves⌠it wasnât much extra work to dye the red, once I had already cleaned the wool and spun the yarn, and to knit in the designs⌠and I wasnât a gifted knitter but I was a good knitter, and I thought, well, it might not make a difference to how warm the glove is, but it made the children happy and it made me happy. I liked to make things beautiful when I could.
Another woman, a peasant from whatâs now France, who died from getting kicked by a mammoth in 8995 BCE: [Patting her on the back] I made my familyâs clothes too. Every day my sister and I wove and wove and tended our children. We went out of our way to make the cloth lovely. Not a trace of it remains anywhere on earth now⌠But it mattered to us. And she might not know our names, or know it was us, but evidently, it matters to her too. She has so much beauty available to her, in every direction, and she wants to make it where we once made it.
[everyone sobbing and high-fiving each other.]
A man from Britain, 1104 CE, sitting at the trans-temporal telescope, reporting on my doings: Sheâs stopped knitting and now sheâs playing minecraft.
The other ancestors: Ah, yes, the dream of building. We know this one well. What vision doth she design now?
Telescope man: Looks like⌠Some kind of floating temple?
Everyone: [Goes completely apeshit]
Me: studying Marine Biology, out in the middle of the Elkhorn slough absolutely fucking covered in the most foul-smelling mud and swamp scum you can imagine, deliriously happy as I spot a tell-tale bubbling in the mud. I jump off the small dock and drive my entire arm into the mud like a Mortal Kombat Character ripping someoneâs heart out of their chest, and pull out a 4lb, two-foot long Geoduck Clam and hold it aloft, triumphant.
My Homminid ancestors, who were doing exactly this with much smaller clams 900,000 years ago: *going absolutely literally apeshit over my flawless technique and the marvelous size of my quarry* CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Hello, Mr Gaiman,
Sorry to bother you, but if Crowley and Aziraphale have both spent (I assume) a considerable amount of time in London, why do they have such different accents? Is it because they have spent time in other different places or is it simply because Crowley is a demon and Aziraphale an angel?
Thank you.
Throw a dozen stones in London and you will hit a dozen Londoners who will tell you, in a dozen very different accents, that throwing stones at people in a crowded urban metropolis is wrong.
Non-British writer: âShe had a London accent.â
Brit: âWhich one?â
Non-British writer: âShe had an English accent.â
Brit: â*Which one??*â
Non-British writer: âShe had a British accent.â
Brit: âWHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT???â
Non-European writer: âShe had a European accent.â
Europe: âWe will hunt you down and kill you like a dog in the streetâŚâ