Just Trying My Best

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

He’s so shy he died

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

I Have Softness For You

i have milk for you

Stop.

Cut the baby monkey in half

the fact that “stephen king gays” exist is so crazy…. he literally hates yall

his daughter is literally a lesbian you piece of burnt toast but go off i guess

you can have a gay child and still be homophobic you undercooked chicken nugget but go off i guess :/

can we please just call each other cunts

scrappy doo has been found dead in miami

is he okay

hes alright but he died

#it's so commercialized these days #time was you'd never start celebrating ides of march before MAR/10 (mario day) #now they start playing ides of march carols in february

it's hard being a polyamorous action hero because whenever i have flashbacks to all my dead wives it takes like 20 minutes to get through all of it

it kind of sounds like youre just feeding local women to the deadwife montage

FHAT DOF IS BLASTEDD

cars are so much scarier than planes. i've literally never been afraid on an airplane like first of all being on a plane is fun. second of all you're in a big as fuck vehicle with no other vehicles around for miles and the person at the wheel is a professional and not just Some Guy. one time i was getting a ride home from a nonbinary friend of a friend who was driving very erratically down the highway at 1am and they said to me unprompted "i have ocd so i only drive at speeds that are multiples of five"

this was years ago but i ran into them again at a party and they didn't recognize me (transition) so they started hitting on me and wouldnt stop talking to me about criminal minds yaoi. and i've never had this happen with an airline pilot, at least not an openly airline pilot