Thoughts and prayers to my European mutuals suffering under their omega heat
do NOT google "omega heat"
prayers for the people googling "omega heat" for the first time
This seems like the opposite of the polar vortex
YOU ARE THE REASON

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@myriadplethorae
Thoughts and prayers to my European mutuals suffering under their omega heat
do NOT google "omega heat"
prayers for the people googling "omega heat" for the first time
This seems like the opposite of the polar vortex

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shoutout to the words "overmorrow" and "ereyesterday". english losing these words was stupid. "the day after tomorrow" "the day before yesterday" clunky-ass constructions. revolting. i'm bringing overmorrow and ereyesterday back in my idiolect and there is nothing you can do about it
We did start using overmorrow with my small child in our family dialect and it’s such a useful term. We also started using over-overmorrow and also over-yesterday (ereyesterday didn’t take.) They’re so successful they escape containment regularly and the children use them with people outside the family and are nonplussed when they have to explain themselves.
I feel like contouring is lowkey racist
Is this a joke?
Noo lol I knew I’d regret phrasing it that way. This is tumblr, after all…
It’s not “people who contour are themselves automatically racist” but that the desired face shape created by contouring is one that, at the end of the day, pretty much reflects existing white standards of beauty. A thinner, pointier nose, smaller chin, high angled cheekbones and (on occasion) smaller lips. Also if you’re darker skinned you have to use a much lighter shade of foundation thus ending up with an overall lighter face.
I probably could have phrased that better.
No, you are absolutely correct. In fact it is not even lowkey in the performance arts/entertainment world. I’ve known how to contour since I was 9, because I was in ballet. I was taught by an older Asian dancer who told me that I was already darker than everyone else, my face couldn’t look different too. So she showed me the basics, then left me with a picture of a white person as the goal to emulate.
It’s always been explicit and intentionally racist in terms of what is considered correct contouring technique is to emulate white associated features. Which is not to say that contouring is bad, but it is good to ask ourselves why we do not contour to make our noses look wider and more distinguished. Or why we don’t shadow and highlight to make the face look perfectly round? While contouring is not bad ( and is actually very cool to literally be able to control the way people perceive your face, it’s like magic) it’s good to ask ourselves why we contour the way we do.
I’m just saying it would be really funny to do a special episode between season 3 and 4 that’s just an hour of Lestat trying not to fall asleep while Marius drones on and on about Akasha and Enkil à la Uncle Colm in Derry Girls as he does for like 60 pages in the book
Our tale begins in the year 30BC, the ‘Year of the Consulship of Octavian and Crassus’
Mark Antony and Cleopatra committed suicide after an unsuccessful military campaign led to the invasion of Egypt by Rome
In China the wife of the imperial censor Bao Xuan of the Han dynasty was inventing the wheelbarrow
and in Massilia a Keltoi slave from Gaul was impregnated by a wealthy Roman man…now you might know Massilia as Marseille, but if we go back to 600BC when the Greeks were establishing a trading post in the western Mediterranean….
I’ve been saying we don’t make Schwarzenegger movies like we used to but we do make even more Dwayne Johnson and John Cena movies so clearly there is still room for meatheads in Hollywood and they don’t even need the accent.
Hmm, this feels off. A big part of prime Arnie's charm came from the silly accent and him being such a hyper-confident bastard in real life as well, Dwayne Johnson seems too self-conscious and John Cena seems too genuinely pleasant to be a proper Arnold. Wrestlers might just be too firmly rooted in reality, they gotta go back to bodybuilders to find that proper solipsism these guys are missing.
we must put Timothy Chalamet on steroids
>:[
yeah, ok.
like, you're neither of you wrong, but i don't have to like it. i just keep making kermit faces about it.

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rb and tag your favorite song that's not in english, japanese or korean
Anyone else thinking about how Important names are to Eridian culture, considering how Rocky addressed himself and Adrian, and what that would mean once Grace got to Erid. (ignore statements of time i refuse to do the conversions)
Imagine, after decades of your world becoming colder and colder, you are saved. A single Eridian, the only one of twenty three to survive, arrives in an alien ship, accompanied by a creature you can barely conceive.
Everything about the alien is so loud, hinges formed from tissue thumping and stretching in constant movement, even while unconscious. Completely organic, reliant of oxygen and hydrogen. Instead of a protective carapace, it regrows its damaged tissues. It has senses you do not, and technology so unlike your own, both able to utilise a force you have never heard of. The same force that killed almost your entire mission team. Highly adaptable, able to teach itself how to fly its ship in under a week, able to become fluent in the engineer's dialect in less than four years.
And if Erid's best engineer is correct (and there's no reason it wouldn't be), this creature not only managed to breed a predator of the warmth-taker to survive in various atmospheres, including Threeworld's, but also turned around to provide aid when it discovered that the predator could escape xenonite.
And you think: Surely, this creature which protects itself without a carapace, which sleeps so lightly and knows so much and learns so quickly, which saved two planets at the cost of ever returning to its thrum, surely, a creature so extraordinary must have a name to match
And you think: Perhaps it is strength, Mountain-Base or Lonsdaleite-Carapace. Perhaps it is intellect, Diamond-Claw or Lockpick-Mind. Perhaps it is courage, Song-Through-Silence or Path-Carver
And you think: None of these names hold the true weight of what this creature is to them. How do you describe something like that, which aids without expectation of anything in return, which risks its own life for the sake of a species it cannot touch, which performs miracles simply because it was asked.
And then you learn: Your saviour's name is Kindness
Hey so that was a great date, yeah, but I don't think it's going to work out. Nono you didn't do anything wrong, and I have indeed had a crush on you since we started high school, it's just... well, I didn't want to bring it up at the time but we kinda got sucked into a portal fantasy midway through. We saved the kingdom over and over, relying on our knowledge of and trust in each other every time, throwing ourselves into the firing line to protect each other and using each others' conviction as a rock. We got married and lived a happy life together until the portal sucked us back mid-battle and you gave up all your memories of our journey in order to save my life right when we ended up back in the coffee shop. Yeah that was when I got a bit weird and went to the bathroom.
Anyway I thought we could push on and make the date work but I have all of these memories of secrets that this you never chose to share, decisions that this you never made, and intimacies that this you never experienced. And it's kind of screwing with the vibe yeah. Also on the date it was really, blatantly clear that you're sixteen whereas I have memories of ruling a fantasy kingdom for thirty years so like... that's a problem all on its own. Anyway this you just feels more like a daughter to me. A daughter with the woman I gave my heart and soul to over and over and received like in return, only to lose her forever on the journey home. On the plus side I can definitely help you with your math homework now.
#what the fuck#this one was actually really very short why is it still like that what
The shorter it is, the more concentrated the what the fuck can be.
I can help you with your math homework because the fantasy world's magic system was based on calculus and I was a gifted mage, stop nitpicking.
#this world's magic system is also based in calculus
From Veronica Tucker via Pinterest
i don't know the etiquette for posting other peoples tiktoks but the delivery of this punchline hit me like a FUCKING TRUCK please
NikhilClayton <- you should follow this guy on tiktok he's fucking hilarious
The closing stinger is ART.

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adulthood notes:
The Rodeo Rule: you only have to do it for the first time once.
The Rohan Rule: if you are at a social function full of new people and you want to be liked, find someone doing important work like setup or food prep and offer to help.
The Tutorial Mode Rule: to navigate an unfamiliar situation where you fear you will mess up an interaction, preface the interaction by mentioning that you've never done this before, and let them know if you have a specific concern or question.
The Rocket Science Rule: most new things you want to try seem very complicated but are simple when taken step by step.
The [X] Will Remember That Rule: if you need to make small talk with the same person on a regular basis, try to save one fact or current event in their life from a given conversation and bring it up next time you talk.
The Cool Binder Rule: by wearing clothes and accessories that are to your taste instead of trying to blend in, people will be more likely to compliment you and show interest in you as a person.
The Rodeo Rule:
you only have to do it
for the first time once.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Antique decorative door hinge.
Oh my god, I never thought of hiding things inside the door hinges!
Now kiss!
Okay, so. Star Wars has all these concepts that weirdo New Left boomer George Lucas tosses in there but because of storyteller limitations it would kill the plot to fully explain them all, so later writers have to come in for the spin-off materials and bat clean-up to fully explain all this crazy crap. And I would like to talk about something that made me actively angry at first, but which I now adore. And that is the Naboo.
So much about Naboo culture is infuriating from a logical standpoint. They have a queen, okay. A constitutionally elected queen? Weird, okay. Don't know why they'd do that but... She's FOURTEEN? Excuse me? Is it a ceremonial thing or, oh no it's not? Legit head of state? Why does she dress like that? Why does she talk like that? I'm so tired.
Here's the explainer. Let me go cook.
There's this joke in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy where the last living human goes back in time and finds out humans aren't actually from Earth, but an alien culture that tricked all the middle managers, pedantic weirdos, and other infuriating folk into getting in a space arc which they gave the wrong evacuation coordinates to simply get rid of them. The Naboo are like this but they're all artists and poets and hippies, but like classy ones. They fled their home planet during a war and crash landed on Naboo, then did a colonism to the Gungans because, hey, they were fleeing a war and it was do or die. This spiritual rot in their creation story is later rectified by Padmé. But it's super important to their cultural psychology. They're hippies, but will subjugate if needed. They are "peaceful" but I guarantee you every single one of them has a tiny extremely shiny pistol up their sleeve and they will draw down on you if backed against a wall.
The scene that I think says it all is at the end of Phantom Menace when Padmé is surrounded by Nute Gunray and his droids, they've got her dead to rights, but Sabé her double creates a distraction so the queen can make it to her throne. This one piece of furniture is the Naboo in a nutshell. It's richly carved with artistic details, it has two seats to the side so the queen's handmaidens can read the lips of people in the back of the room and use hand signals to communicate with the queen while she can remain focused mostly on who is speaking to her. It is hundreds of years old. And it has a secret compartment in the armrest that is FULL OF GUNS. Layers of artistic opulence hiding their true intentions.
The Naboo were created to be backwards compatible with Princess Leia. They're compassionate pacifists, but they will shot you if needed.
Why do they elect teenage royalty? It's a little creepy. It's giving "age of consent is emotional maturity". It makes no sense.
The explanation they give outsiders is they want youthful idealism untainted by cynicism. What they don't tell you is that they take kids with stated interest in politics and put them in an advanced highly competitive Leadership Academy which is like Model UN mixed with Battle Royale. Well, they don't kill each other but it's intense. It's like what the clones went though just all diplomacy training and tea ceremonies all the time. Which is crazy but so Naboo.
Oh, and all the delegates for the royalty election run using pseudonyms for security. Imagine voting for the head of state but you can't run a background check. It's so crazy.
Why does Padmé dress like that? Well, fashion is one of Naboo's major industries so it's like she's wearing the entire Fall line catalog at once. To advertise not only the talent of her people, but to show how much they favor her. BUT that dress has multiple layers of padding and resin armor. And aforementioned spots for those little silver blasters. And it breaks up her silhouette making her harder to shoot. And it's so elaborate you pay more attention to the crazy dress and not if the person wearing it is really the queen or a decoy. Everything about Naboo is like this.
Queen Amidala has that weird accent while Padmé does not. Because all her handmaidens helped create the accent together so they all can imitate it. It's like if you gave girls at a rowdy sleepover the job of federal counterintelligence. That's what they came up with.
The handmaidens wear colorful identical clothes so you can't tell them apart, hoods to partially conceal their identity, and they don't wear the queen's fancy makeup. So one of them can be the queen and spy on people in the audience. Because the Naboo don't trust shit for shit.
Their public face is so silly to hide all the truly weird shit they do behind the scenes.
They use their reputation as artist hippies to conceal multiple layers of subterfuge and disguise their methods of self defense and assuage their paranoia due to wartime trauma and their disturbing colonial past. All of them are completely off their rocker even by Star Wars standards. And I love them so much. They put on a show so everyone thinks they have them figured out but what they have going on is far more weirder and more sinister than meets the eye. You know how catty, neurotic, and competitive art school students stereotypically are? Yeah, planet art student. Love them!
There you go, @charmwasjess
honestly this goes further than anything else to explain why padme heard this bonkers greasy teenage anakin confess to her that he wiped out the entire village of native people who killed his mother, and padme (ostensibly our conscience) (actually a valedictorian of the naboo political school of move fast break things and look gorgeous doing it) was just like '👍'
also Darth Sidious is from there, too, so you can interpret him as to some extent the intersection point of everything weird about the Naboo and, uh, everything about the Sith.
like...a planet destroying laser is pretty Sith Lord, and having a Galactic Empire is classically Sith, but faking your way into being Emperor via elaborate indirect election fraud and a whole faked-up proxy war, and mounting your hyperspace-capable space laser on a deeply gratuitous whole-ass artificial moon? there's distinct traces of Naboo aesthetic sensibility showing through there.
also he hates his home planet, which we may assume is why after becoming emperor and having no more reason to please anybody but himself, he wore nothing but an ankle-length hoodie for twenty-five years.
Look, this is my litmus test: I pretend I am the original Earl of Sandwich. I have asked for non-bread foods to be brought to me inside bread, that I might more easily consume them one-handed while gambling.
This does not enable my wretched regency habits. This is not what I asked for. I do not deign to grace it with the name of my house.
This is the most important addition to the sandwich discourse I have ever read.
“My Blue Castle!” she said. “Oh, my Blue Castle!”
Up until now, this novel was semi-realistic. Sure, some things worked out but they worked out because Valancy was brave. And there was Cissy’s tragic story. With this sentence, we are entering into the Fairy Tale Wish-Fulfillment Land. Everything will be okay.
This has been the biggest criticism of this book. That it loses its edge once they go to Barney’s island. I am personally absolutely fine with it. The book is named “The Blue Castle” and it telegraphs in every possible way to you that it is a fairy tale.
I would like to be more critical of this book but I simply am not. It is not flawless, I know that intellectually, but what it is doing here completely works for me. World literature is filled with books about women being punished for wanting too much. Even in more positive narratives there usually is a trade-off. Which is fine btw. Life does not always work out, and stories are meant to challenge us. But I like that there is one story I read where there are no caveats, she gets everything - including the cats.
I don’t think this book is “naive” about the world either. The possibility of danger is acknowledged. I think even its final chapter is more emotionally nuanced than one might initially think. Montgomery gave Valancy everything she wanted defiantly, not naively.
"Montgomery gave Valancy everything she wanted defiantly, not naively."
I love this line, and I think it gets to heart of what makes The Blue Castle one of my favorite books, and my favorite romance story. Yes, the world is dangerous and sometimes terrible, and being a woman in it puts you at a severe disadvantage, but damn it, this story is going to be a happy one!
Yes, this book is pure wish-fulfillment, but how many male power fantasies exist out there in Literary Land? Why can't we have a gentle romance in which the woman is not punished for wanting love and happiness, and in which she gets all she ever dreamed of? Why can't we celebrate love and nature and beauty and kindness? With The Blue Castle, Montgomery expressly said that we can, and that holding to the good and gentle and lovely things of the world does not make us any weaker or less intelligent than those who choose to focus on the grittier aspects of life.

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Thinking about the "the beams of our house are cedar and the rafters fir," and what I love about that line. I tend to read Barney as a bit less in love here; I think he likes Valancy very much, and is grateful to her for how she treated Cissy, but he wouldn't necessarily have proposed marriage to her if she hadn't asked him first.
But the talk on the trip back to the island shows that he's willing to go all-in for her; he's not just "being a brother," as she said. He's welcoming her into his life and home completely, and, having agreed to marry her, he's committing. I think it works as a nudge to the reader, but it's also a character moment for Barney; it tells us that he's taking Valancy's love for him seriously.
For new readers who weren’t raised as churchy as I was (good for you btw!) “the beams of our house are cedar and the rafters fir” is a line from Song of Solomon, a book in the Bible that is straight up porn. For real it’s just a very horny poem featuring graphic descriptions of oral sex and penetrative sex and a naked couple etc etc etc. It’s lowkey WILD for Barney to be quoting it here imo.
English sauce I'm cryinggggg
An explainer for the confused gringos