A Macaron of a Person

rocky finds porn on the laptop containing the sum total of human knowledge: eridian equivalent of watching a nature documentary

i had the funniest fucking conversation with @harmonykhlorine and needed to draw it ASAP

For the "crime" of not wanting to be tracked/have ads pissed into your eyeballs 24/7.

Even if you've paid for the "privilege" of the latter.

IF YOU USE A DESKTOP PC OR LAPTOP, TRY INVIDIOUS

https://invidious.io/

- Hatch maternity shoot with the beetles (for whatever reason they managed to get a fake pregnancy belly on the Vat and he is wearing it), one image has Komorov holding him like if he's the father

- a zoomed in video taken outside of the chapel room, inside is Eva and Hatch having what at first sounds like a normal discussion, but if you listen closely he's actually telling her about the Popemobile in the Car's Cinematic Universe and the implications of it, she is wearing a contemplative but deeply confused look

- a picture of Annie and Olesya asleep after a long meeting with the science team, their heads leaning on each other with their hair braided together

- video of Carl, Ryland, and Komorov making a domino chain out of old lab material, they knock it down but at the end of the chain is Eva giving them a disapproving look

- The astronauts lined up, backs to the camera, wearing matching sweatpants with the words Eva's angels printed across their asses (Ilyukhina and Shapiro's idea)

- a video taken by Komorov showing a tarantula that somehow made its way in the lab, then panning over to Lokken and Grace huddled together on a table screaming, when he finally kills it, they push at each other pretending they weren't just holding the other

- video of Ilyukhina and Shapiro giving a presentation titled Why You Should Give Us Hysterectomies, Lamai and Eva sat listening. Halfway through, Annie is standing in front of a slide depicting a baby with a red x across it, Martin now stood by her side, nodding

- picture of LeClerc lying on the Vat's deck post-Antarctica, rain falling hard, Eva standing over his head with an umbrella, two beer bottles in her free hand (instead of her usual coffee)

- you know that prank where you move a sleeping person and they wake up confused? There's a video taken by the astronauts zooming in to a lifeboat tethered to the Vat, Yáo in the centre still wearing his pajamas, faint sounds of Mandarin cursing under Ilyukhina's snickers

- series of images of Lamai, Lokken, and Eva at another EU meeting, getting more visibly frustrated at the men around them, ending with Lokken's hands on the table yelling at whatever world leaders were pissing them off, Lamai standing to join her, Eva leaned back in her seat but now wearing a smile

- video of LeClerc and Hatch discussing something in French, except it's LeClerc being unable to fully follow Hatch's Quebecois accent, his face visibly showing his confusion

- picture of the lead scientists and Eva in a late night/early morning (who knows anymore, time is an illusion on the Vat) emergency meeting still in their pajamas (three years into ship life, it was too damn early/late for them to care, and they gave up on pretensions months before)

- said pajamas were: Hatch wearing a shirt printed with his wife's face across his chest (it's been over a year since he went home, poor guy); classic plaids for Komorov, matching cotton set for Lamai, striped button down for LeClerc, Ryland in his ancient college t-shirt and sweats; the only two who look like they can pass for a meeting are Lokken and Eva who both basically live in sweaters

- video taken of Lamai giving the astronauts ear piercings (Ilyukhina begged, eventually they all acquiesced, even Yáo agreed (after endless begging)) (Ilyukhina was probably going to have Annie pierce her second lobes anyways, Lamai found out and insisted on doing it sterilely)

- series of images of a 'wedding ceremony' for Martin and Annie in the mess hall. Martin is wearing a white curtain fashioned around him like a wedding dress, Annie wearing a black jacket, white shirt, black sweats, and a way too long tie. Olesya is at the podium (stolen from one of the meeting rooms) officiating the makeshift ceremony, Yáo is made flower girl (Olesya insisted on having him wear a flower crown), while Ryland is the ring bearer (paper rings that Olesya origamied minutes prior)

I was wandering through a gallery when I turned around and saw a portrait of a woman and audibly went 'oh fuck.'

This is extra funny because I've only ever had this reaction once before, on a painting I saw in a museum in Fort Worth, Texas (extremely far away from where I was yesterday). The painting in Fort Worth was this one:

It's a painting of Alice Vanderbilt Shepard, by John Singer Sargent. I was so affected that I bought a print of this painting in particular when I got home, as the museum did not offer this particular painting in print.

Yesterday, the painting that yanked me out of my art museum stupor was this one:

Important notes:

It was in a gallery of many different painters

My left eye wasn't working great and I couldn't read any of the signs until I got up close

I have never seen this painting in my life

Gang do you want to know who painted that painting? Do you want to take a stabbling? A little baby guess?

Because apparently it was John Singer Sargent.

And this guy nonstop slaps? Every portrait is an absolute banger? Some selections from the first handful of pages on wikiart:

Turns out you can roll a 7 on a d6

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."