murderofpies

autism is living by vampire rules. light sensitivity. eating the wrong food makes you want to die. need to be explicitly invited places. weird sleep schedule. eating the same thing every time. specific rituals and routines. burst into flames at the sight of a crucifix. etc.

When I I a boy scout we sold apples to raise money and sometimes we'd be scheduled to sell apples at the same store where the girl scouts were selling cookies and if you can imagine two rival gangs entirely composed of 4 foot tall carnival barkers specifically trained how to set things on fire and build trebuchets with common objects competing for cold hard cash while shoppers passed through the no man's land between them then that's pretty much what you got

bro doesn’t even have a certain je ne sais quoi

if i was the joker id just get a restraining order on batman and superman whataere they gonna do? break the law? then theyre no better than me, a cold blooded murderer. and this would 100% work, because superheroe movies have the shittiest takes on ethics since fucking kant

this court finds you guilty... of being a lil stinker 😉 the firing squad convenes at dawn

i’m not “lazy” i’m just a fragile victorian maiden. i can only handle 1-2 mildly taxing activities a day before i have to put myself down for a nap until dinner

I desperately need to go to the seaside for 6 months for my health.

#nobody these days has any respect for a delicate constitution 😒#why is no one captivated by me i am literally a sickly pale artist who is prone to fainting and loves flowers and poetry#i need to have a tragic romance and then die of something absurd like too much rain (via @guinevereslancelot)

Nine rings were made for men. Seven for the dwarves, three for the elves, and one for the big guy himself. One, three, seven, nine. There is but a set of five missing to complete the sequence of odd numbers. I propose that this missing set of rings of power was gifted to a mysterious someone by their true love, along with a partridge in a pear tree (among other things). In this essay I will-

the final scene of nona the ninth... the soul of the earth (housed in a life size barbie doll) kisses a mostly dead nun (whose body the aforementioned earth soul was recently piloting). except earth barbie doesn't know how to kiss so she just bites her on the mouth instead. she does this in front of the nun's girlfriend (mega dead, only child of god, hasn't spoken to the nun since the first book) and side chick (shot with a gun and brutally rejected in the span of like two minutes). also present are the nun's motherfather figure (whom she's technically never met, and also an ex-friend of the earth barbie) and her two best friends (now combined into one single person named just paul). earth barbie then stabs god (drunk and horny) in the heart. he's super cool about it. this all happens in like two pages and then the book ENDS

Completely unrelated to whether or not you like their music, you have to respect this energy.

date of origin: april 21, 2022.

i really love the misa, light and L dynamic because it's just the three worst people you've ever met in your life with rotating amnesia manipulating and attempting to murder/execute each other while also going on fake dates and pretending to attend college. sometimes they want to save each other's lives and sometimes they want each other dead and no one is ever on the same page at the same time. everyone is the third wheel in the parasocial relationships they have with one another. i wish hell was real so they could all go there and gaslight the devil together.

Only good thing about Christmas time is I get to hear carol of the bells all the time but the bad part is I have to act normal like that song doesn’t go hard as fuck

Every other Christmas song is like la la la I love you christmassss or oh jesussss I love youuu meanwhile carol of the bells is like fire shooting out of a flaming skull but it’s like in a snow globe it’s like a fucking boss track

Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post

When Katya said “Of course we’re in love. That’s why i tried to shoot you.” And Goncharov said “If we really were in love you wouldn’t have missed.” 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

This, and then when Andrey kills Goncharov at the end… Andrey didn’t miss.