Here's another 1k of the BrienneJaime book canon potential arranged marriage AU. I'm going to tentatively call it "A Heart that Does Not Know Its Mind" (because nothing is more Ruddigore coded than engagement shenanigans.)
Continuing adventures of Jaime having never had a feeling, ever.
Link to [Part 1]
~*~
Jaime did not especially wish to see Ser Loras again that evening. But the Lord Commander had his duties, and the boy had come to him with sober mien.
“I spoke with her again.” No need to ask which “her” he meant. Jaime nodded, hoping the wench had wits enough to keep silent on… sensitive matters.
“We spoke of Renly.” Solemn sadness etched the boy’s features. So young, thought Jaime, so impossibly young. Surely he had never been so young. “I have been thinking. If she speaks true… if she did not kill Renly... then she is yet my sister of the Rainbow Cloak. As truly as you are my brother of the White.”
More truly, the lad wanted to say. Jaime had no illusions about which vows the Knight of Flowers held most sacred. So many vows they make you swear and swear… But he kept silent and let Ser Loras finish.
“I slew Ser Robar the Red and Ser Eammon the Yellow, my brothers alike.” Sorrow, sorrow, always sorrow. Regret was a song Jaime knew well. “The others all swore to Stannis. The Orange and Green, dead upon the Blackwater. False, and dead. Ser Parmen the Purple… would he had died at Bitterbridge in Ser Robar’s place. He ought to have been guarding Renly. And I…”
Sworn to another of Renly’s enemies, but not one who had helped kill him. At least, not so far as Jaime knew. Brienne swore it was Stannis, somehow. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps it didn’t matter.
“She is the only one not forsworn,” Loras finished, finally, once he had cleared his throat of the griefs and shames that choked him.
“Sworn to the Starks,” Jaime pointed out.
Ser Loras shook his head. “To Lady Stark only, and no enemy of Renly’s in truth. Renly meant to make peace with the North. He always held Lord Stark in high esteem.”
So did everyone, Jaime thought ruefully. Oh-so-honorable Eddard Stark with his oh-so-judgmental eyes. How could anyone not oh-so esteem him? Again, he kept his peace. He hoped Ser Loras would come to his point soon. He had ghosts enough of his own.
“The Maid of Tarth…” Ser Loras spoke cautiously now, choosing words with care. “She spoke of… marriage. Certain… pressures upon her. She is yet my sworn sister. I had thought… but Margaery urged me to speak with you first. She feared my intentions might be misunderstood.”
“Ser, you are a sworn brother of the Kingsguard,” said Jaime with some amusement. “I hope you don’t plan to wed the wench yourself.” She would never have him, not forsworn as he would have to be. Jaime had tested that theory himself, to humiliating results.
A sorry match that would be. They’d spend every day in moping and sad reminiscence. Renly hadn’t been worth half the grief the Maid of Tarth and Knight of Flowers paid his comely shade.
Ser Loras looked alarmed. “No, of course! I merely thought to suggest… I have a brother. My eldest brother; the heir to our name. She would like of him, I think. Everyone likes Willas. He is very gallant.” Ser Loras’ voice softened when he spoke of family, Jaime noticed. “He keeps hounds and hawks and horses; the finest in the realm. She could hunt in the forests of Highgarden and live merry all her days.”
Jaime felt the phantom fingers of his right-hand clench. Willas Tyrell. An excellent match, one far above the expectations of Tarth. The lady of Highgarden. Would Lord Willas dance with her, smile at her as Renly once had? If Jaime remembered aright, the man was a cripple. Good. That’ll make it a fair contest when I kill him.
“Have you spoken to her of this? Or to your brothers?”
“No, only to Margaery.”
“Good.” Jaime stood up. “Keep it that way. No more matchmaking.”
“Ser.” Ser Loras stood up as well. “Why deny the lady the chance of a happy match? She’s already refused your offer-”
Damn wench and her damned big mouth. Almost as big as her eyes. “Lord Commander, Ser. I am your Lord Commander. And that was an order.”
The boy’s face had a stubborn cast. So impossibly young, Jaime reminded himself. He decided it was better to give the Knight of Flowers some explanation. “Lord Tywin would look askance, I fear, and imagine plots and slights unintended. I would not wish our good Maid to have my lord father as an enemy. Would you?”
There. That was as frank as he could be. Ser Loras nodded, slowly. Unhappily. Jaime hoped he understood. “Then she must marry a Lannister? That is your father’s design?”
“Or a bannerman. Or a man of no great name and house.” Someone she can respect, he thought again. Someone strong, who could match her size for size, perhaps. Renly had been a big man, almost as big as Robert. But men of Baratheon bulk were few and far between. The Cleganes were out of the question. Jaime was amused for a moment at the image of his Lady of Tarth standing small next to Smalljon Umber, before he remembered the man was dead, killed with Robb Stark. Strongboar was too old, too rough, but perhaps… his younger brother? Jaime could not remember if Ser Merlon Crakehall was wed. He would mention the matter to Lord Tywin. Tomorrow.
Or perhaps she’d like a man she could wrestle into submission. Jaime remembered, with a sudden flush of heat, the weight of her atop him as she’d held his head under the river. His muscles had ached from trying- failing- to batter her back. He’d never felt more alive. She could have killed me then, had she a touch less honor. She might be better off now had she left his corpse by the river and returned to her Isle of Tarth.
At any rate, there were surely men who would enjoy a little manhandling, if that was what Brienne preferred. He would consider the matter more.
Jaime felt suddenly tired. Ser Loras was still looking at him, still radiating discontent. Do you think I am pleased? Do you think this is what I want? In truth, he did not know what he wanted. Looking at the Knight of Flowers made him feel a man of eighty.
He would have to speak with his father. He’d suggest the Crakehalls as suitors.
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Here's another 1k of the BrienneJaime book canon potential arranged marriage AU. I'm going to tentatively call it "A Heart that Does Not Know Its Mind" (because nothing is more Ruddigore coded than engagement shenanigans.)
Continuing adventures of Jaime having never had a feeling, ever.
Link to [Part 1]
~*~
Jaime did not especially wish to see Ser Loras again that evening. But the Lord Commander had his duties, and the boy had come to him with sober mien.
“I spoke with her again.” No need to ask which “her” he meant. Jaime nodded, hoping the wench had wits enough to keep silent on… sensitive matters.
“We spoke of Renly.” Solemn sadness etched the boy’s features. So young, thought Jaime, so impossibly young. Surely he had never been so young. “I have been thinking. If she speaks true… if she did not kill Renly... then she is yet my sister of the Rainbow Cloak. As truly as you are my brother of the White.”
More truly, the lad wanted to say. Jaime had no illusions about which vows the Knight of Flowers held most sacred. So many vows they make you swear and swear… But he kept silent and let Ser Loras finish.
“I slew Ser Robar the Red and Ser Eammon the Yellow, my brothers alike.” Sorrow, sorrow, always sorrow. Regret was a song Jaime knew well. “The others all swore to Stannis. The Orange and Green, dead upon the Blackwater. False, and dead. Ser Parmen the Purple… would he had died at Bitterbridge in Ser Robar’s place. He ought to have been guarding Renly. And I…”
Sworn to another of Renly’s enemies, but not one who had helped kill him. At least, not so far as Jaime knew. Brienne swore it was Stannis, somehow. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps it didn’t matter.
“She is the only one not forsworn,” Loras finished, finally, once he had cleared his throat of the griefs and shames that choked him.
“Sworn to the Starks,” Jaime pointed out.
Ser Loras shook his head. “To Lady Stark only, and no enemy of Renly’s in truth. Renly meant to make peace with the North. He always held Lord Stark in high esteem.”
So did everyone, Jaime thought ruefully. Oh-so-honorable Eddard Stark with his oh-so-judgmental eyes. How could anyone not oh-so esteem him? Again, he kept his peace. He hoped Ser Loras would come to his point soon. He had ghosts enough of his own.
“The Maid of Tarth…” Ser Loras spoke cautiously now, choosing words with care. “She spoke of… marriage. Certain… pressures upon her. She is yet my sworn sister. I had thought… but Margaery urged me to speak with you first. She feared my intentions might be misunderstood.”
“Ser, you are a sworn brother of the Kingsguard,” said Jaime with some amusement. “I hope you don’t plan to wed the wench yourself.” She would never have him, not forsworn as he would have to be. Jaime had tested that theory himself, to humiliating results.
A sorry match that would be. They’d spend every day in moping and sad reminiscence. Renly hadn’t been worth half the grief the Maid of Tarth and Knight of Flowers paid his comely shade.
Ser Loras looked alarmed. “No, of course! I merely thought to suggest… I have a brother. My eldest brother; the heir to our name. She would like of him, I think. Everyone likes Willas. He is very gallant.” Ser Loras’ voice softened when he spoke of family, Jaime noticed. “He keeps hounds and hawks and horses; the finest in the realm. She could hunt in the forests of Highgarden and live merry all her days.”
Jaime felt the phantom fingers of his right-hand clench. Willas Tyrell. An excellent match, one far above the expectations of Tarth. The lady of Highgarden. Would Lord Willas dance with her, smile at her as Renly once had? If Jaime remembered aright, the man was a cripple. Good. That’ll make it a fair contest when I kill him.
“Have you spoken to her of this? Or to your brothers?”
“No, only to Margaery.”
“Good.” Jaime stood up. “Keep it that way. No more matchmaking.”
“Ser.” Ser Loras stood up as well. “Why deny the lady the chance of a happy match? She’s already refused your offer-”
Damn wench and her damned big mouth. Almost as big as her eyes. “Lord Commander, Ser. I am your Lord Commander. And that was an order.”
The boy’s face had a stubborn cast. So impossibly young, Jaime reminded himself. He decided it was better to give the Knight of Flowers some explanation. “Lord Tywin would look askance, I fear, and imagine plots and slights unintended. I would not wish our good Maid to have my lord father as an enemy. Would you?”
There. That was as frank as he could be. Ser Loras nodded, slowly. Unhappily. Jaime hoped he understood. “Then she must marry a Lannister? That is your father’s design?”
“Or a bannerman. Or a man of no great name and house.” Someone she can respect, he thought again. Someone strong, who could match her size for size, perhaps. Renly had been a big man, almost as big as Robert. But men of Baratheon bulk were few and far between. The Cleganes were out of the question. Jaime was amused for a moment at the image of his Lady of Tarth standing small next to Smalljon Umber, before he remembered the man was dead, killed with Robb Stark. Strongboar was too old, too rough, but perhaps… his younger brother? Jaime could not remember if Ser Merlon Crakehall was wed. He would mention the matter to Lord Tywin. Tomorrow.
Or perhaps she’d like a man she could wrestle into submission. Jaime remembered, with a sudden flush of heat, the weight of her atop him as she’d held his head under the river. His muscles had ached from trying- failing- to batter her back. He’d never felt more alive. She could have killed me then, had she a touch less honor. She might be better off now had she left his corpse by the river and returned to her Isle of Tarth.
At any rate, there were surely men who would enjoy a little manhandling, if that was what Brienne preferred. He would consider the matter more.
Jaime felt suddenly tired. Ser Loras was still looking at him, still radiating discontent. Do you think I am pleased? Do you think this is what I want? In truth, he did not know what he wanted. Looking at the Knight of Flowers made him feel a man of eighty.
He would have to speak with his father. He’d suggest the Crakehalls as suitors.
Due to its surprising popularity on the many places it's been posted and reposted to, I decided to finally complete this little wlw sketch that I had kind of given up on. I'm hoping to have it riso printed soon !
Enjoying your Game of Thrones explanations! Can you spill any tea for us about the Lannisters and What Even Is Their Deal?
What even IS their deal? Millions across Westeros want to know!
(Books spoilers, and content warning for sibling incest and discussion of violence)
[General Setting Post] [House Stark Post]
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH HOUSE LANNISTER, Part 1: (General info, Tywin, Cersei, Jaime's backstory)
HOUSE LANNISTER, Lords Paramount of the Westerlands! A true soap opera of a family! Drama queens and kings all!
The Westerlands just happen to be where all the gold mines in Westeros are, making the Lannisters fabulously, proverbially, wealthy.
House Sigil: A Golden Lion
House Colors: Red and Gold
House Words: Hear Me Roar.
House Seat: Casterly Rock
Just as House Stark is set up at the beginning of the story as the protagonists, House Lannister is very much set up as the antagonists. Our honorable Ned Stark distrusts them, they've seized a worrying amount of power at court, and there's only one Lannister PoV to the six (SIX!!) Stark PoVs in book 1. And said Lannister is the black sheep of the family at that.
1. Lord Tywin
The current Lord Lannister, as of Book 1, is Tywin Lannister. Tywin Lannister is many things: a harsh pragmatist, a brutal foe, a man obsessed with legacy. But perhaps most importantly for us, he’s a terrrrrrrrrrible dad. It turns out that when you raise your children to believe that family legacy is all that matters and everyone outside your family is a tool or an enemy…they don’t turn out great :/
Tywin’s big thing is that he wants capital-R Respect for House Lannister, which he believes comes from fear and an iron grip. His father Tytos “the Laughing Lion” Lannister was seen (at least by Tywin) as a weak lord who could be taken advantage of by the lesser houses. Tywin does not like laughing. Tywin REALLY does not like being laughed at. It’s kinda his whole thing.
One time House Reyne of Castermere made some trouble, so Tywin chased the entire family into a mine. Then he redirectd a river. To slowly drown them. Over hours. They wrote a song about it and everything. That’s Papa Tywin. Great start to the family!
1b. The Golden Twins
Two of the most famous – and infamous – figures in modern Westeros are Tywin’s Golden Twins, Cersei and Jaime. (Yes, people really call them that in universe.)
Cersei and Jaime are rich. They’re blond-haired and green eyed. They’re almost identical and used to swap clothes and children. They’re gorgeous – people routinely refer to them as the most beautiful man and woman in Westeros. They look like anime villains. They’re powerful. They’re bitchy. They’re sneering at you right now. They think they’re better than you. They’re utterly miserable. They’ve got a certain Team Rocket meets Flowers in the Attic je ne sais quoi that can’t be beat.
TRULY characters of all time.
2. Cersei Lannister
(Art by Amok)
Cersei Lannister is queen of Westeros, married to King Robert Baratheon. Said marriage is a disaster. For one thing, Robert’s still obsessed with Ned Stark’s dead sister, Lyanna. For another, he makes no secret of his sleeping around and he’s got (we assume) 16 bastard children. He's at least occasionally physically violent with her and the children. Genuinely a terrible husband!
Cersei, for her part, is carrying on an incestuous affair with her twin brother Jaime, and all three of her children are (unsurprisingly) perfect blond-haired, green-eyed Lannister xeroxes of the twins.
(In retrospect, this miiiiiiight not have been a smart political move.)
The crown is heavily in debt to the Lannister family, which gives them – and by extension, Cersei – an outsized amount of power in court. Still doesn’t make Cersei happy though.
By the time we meet Cersei, she’s had years to stew in resentments and paranoia. (This is especially true by the time she becomes a PoV character in Book 4.) She – completely understandably! – resents the social role she’s been forced into a woman, and envies the relative freedoms she attributes to Jaime and his life. She’s her father’s eldest child, having been born a few minutes before Jaime, but she cannot inherit his Lordship. Her father treats her marriage as a bargaining tool to be used without her consent, even when she’s a widow in her mid-thirties. And Tywin has always treated Jaime as his favorite child, despite him lacking Tywin’s own ambition and political savvy. Traits Cersei feels she has in abundance!
So Cersei becomes obsessed with the idea of herself as the heir to Tywin’s legacy; a great queen who will be remembered in history books to come.
Also, to be fair to her paranoia, people really are out to get her. Just…often not the people she thinks or in the way she thinks.
3a. Jaime Lannister
(Art by Amok)
Oh boy. Jaime. Jaime Jaime. Where do I even start on this guy. Like his siblings, he's a huge mess. Disaster of a man.
Ok. So.
Jaime Lannister is best known in Westeros by his epithet: THE KINGSLAYER. So to talk about Jaime, we have to talk about The Kingsguard. If you don’t want some lore, skip to the tl’dr at the end.
The Kingsguard is a group of seven elite knights – the best (at least in theory) the kingdoms have to offer. They swear a holy vow to serve and guard the king. For life. Like the men of the Night’s Watch, they may hold no lands or titles, father no children, take no wife. Service to the king (and royal family) is meant to be their entire raison-d’etre. No family for you! Your brothers of the Kingsguard are your only family now! Appointment to the Kingsguard is an incredible honor, one that all-but guarantees that your name lives on in history.
(It’s such a big deal that when Quentyn “Fireball” Ball was promised a future spot in the Kingsguard, he promptly forced his wife into a religious order so he could become eligible for the placement. Then when the king died before a spot opened and the next king was, uh, horrified by the wife thing and didn’t want to work with him, Ser Quentyn got so mad he joined a rebellion. But that’s an old story. Fuck Fireball, is all I’m saying.)
Anyway! When Jaime Lannister was 15, he was a sword-fighting savant. A clear generational talent. And he became the youngest knight ever to serve in the Kingsguard, in service to King Aerys Targaryen. You know. The one who there was that big rebellion against (see the world-building post).
(And here’s the thing about joining the Kingsguard. Huge honor! Honor to you! Honor to your family! Honor to your house!!! But it does make you ineligible for land or title. So. You know. Kind of an unspoken rule you maybe don’t pick eldest sons of major houses unless there’s another potential heir in the wings ready for the mantle. So Aerys picking Jaime was also a fuck you to Tywin, because he knows Tywin hates his second son. More on that in a minute.)
Robert’s Rebellion happens, and Aerys’ old buddy cum nemesis Tywin seems to be hanging back, not supporting either side, until Robert wins a decisive victory at the Trident, killing crown prince Rhaegar. Lord Tywin shows up with an army at King’s Landing and someone on the inside (maaaaybe his Kingsguard?) convinces King Aerys that this army is totally here to help! Let’s open the gates for them and let them in!!
Tywin’s army was not there to help. They sack the city on behalf of the rebellion. And when Ned Stark joins and fights his way to the Red Keep…he finds Aerys dead on the throne room floor, and his sworn Kingsguard, Jaime Lannister, sitting on the Iron Throne with the sword he used to stab his king in the back. Clearing the way for his father’s victory in the city.
(You can see why Ned maybe didn't trust this guy. Art by Michael Komarck.)
So. Yeah. Kingslayer. Not just a king, not just the king, but HIS king. The king he was sworn above all others to protect. And the fine folk of Westeros take that idea very seriously. He’s not just a murder or a traitor. He’s an oath-breaker, a man whose word means nothing, an affront against the gods themselves.
But here’s the thing: Kingsguard serve for life. And when a king dies, he inherits the Kingsguard. So Jaime Lannister’s still a sworn brother of the Kingsguard! Awesome! Everyone loves this and no one is angry about it. Obviously.
Tl;dr: Jaime swore an oath to serve and protect the king as one of his elite, trusted guard. He stood by while the king did horrible things, but then literally stabbed him in the back at a moment advantageous to his family. So now everyone calls him “Kingslayer” and cracks jokes every time he tries to make a promise.
(This got real long because lore, so next post I'll say a few words about current-day Jaime, and then the youngest Lannister sibling, Tyrion.)
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH HOUSE LANNISTER, Part 2: In which I accept that there's going to be multiple Jaime posts. Sorry. Here's books 1-2 while I try to figure out how to be concise about book 3.
Right, so we’ve covered Jaime’s backstory and why no one in-universe really likes or trusts him (besides his siblings).
Book 1 Jaime is…almost a cartoon villain. He’s truly set up like one of the series’ big bads. Our almost first scene with him comes from Bran’s PoV, when Bran Stark – while climbing around Winterfell – accidentally stumbles on Jaime and Cersei conducting their incestuous, adulterous, treasonous affair.
So... Jaime pushes him out the tower window.
(Bran! Is! 7!!! He survives, but he spends weeks in a coma and is partially paralyzed.)
Bad start. Real bad start! (We all hated Jaime so much before A Storm of Swords came out!)
(In the tiniest bit of Jaime’s defense: he and Cersei would be super mega executed if the truth came out, probably along with their three kids. In Jaime’s un-defense: it’s not ok to murder children!! All I’m saying is that he didn’t do it for sheer love of the child murder game.)
Jaime continues to play antagonist to the Starks throughout book 1. He kills Ned’s guards and wounds Ned in retaliation for Cat kidnapping Tyrion. He leads troops against Robb and personally cuts through his noble retinue to try to kill Robb himself.
He’s also set up to seem like he:
Hired an assassin to try and kill Bran while he was in a coma
Murdered Ned and Robert’s beloved foster dad, Jon Arryn
Is plotting to make himself king
Jaime’s actually innocent on all three of those counts, but we don’t know that until Book 3.
Jaime’s captured by the Starks after losing the battle of the Whispering Wood and failing to kill Robb Stark. We barely see him in Book 2, as he languishes in the dungeons of Riverrun for about a year.
The youngest Lannister son, Tyrion, offers the Starks a hostage swap with Sansa and Arya for his brother Jaime (the Lannisters don’t actually have Arya, but oh well), but alas, two preteen noble girls are not considered equal to the Lannister’s greatest fighter/a knight of the Kingsguard. So no swap. And there’s increasing pressure on Robb to go ahead and execute the Kingslayer as retaliation for the North’s losses (which would obviously doom Sansa, who is trapped at the Lannister-run court).
Until, that is, Catelyn Stark receives news that her sons Bran and Rickon have been murdered by Theon “Turncloak” Greyjoy. (They’re actually still alive, but almost no one knows this.) Cat decides to take matters into her own hands to try to save the children she has left.
Here’s a snippet of Cat’s conversation with Jaime in the cells of Riverrun, to give you the vibe of how Book 2’s going for both of them:
Jaime gave a chuckle. "If there are gods, why is the world so full of pain and injustice?"
"Because of men like you."
"There are no men like me. There's only me."
There is nothing here but arrogance and pride, and the empty courage of a madman. I am wasting my breath with this one. If there was ever a spark of honor in him, it is long dead. - ACoK, Catelyn VII
Despite that assessment, Cat covertly frees Jaime to do the hostage swap and makes him swear up and down that he’ll return her daughters safely and never take up arms against Starks or Tullys again. But as she has a rather low opinion of his honor, she dispatches her own sworn sword, the Lady Brienne of Tarth, to be Jaime’s guard and captor. She’s to make sure he goes back to Tyrion in King’s Landing as a hostage, rather than forsake his oath, ride off on his own, and rejoin his father’s army.
Since, you know, he loves forsaking oaths. It’s a whole thing.
(What’s up with Brienne? God, that’s another whole post. Tl;dr: she’s a lady not-technically-knight who served – and one-sidedly loved – would-be-King Renly Baratheon, until he was murdered by dark magics right in front of her. Now everyone thinks she killed Renly, and she’s sworn her sword to Catelyn Stark as the only other witness who was there. She’s also like 6 foot 6 (198cm according to google) and super jacked. That part’s very important. To me.)
So that’s how we find Jaime at the start of Book 3: In chains and being led around by Brienne of Tarth. Road trip time!
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a great tragedy of this world is that many things that are bad for you also look very sexy. smoking. riding a motorcycle. that crazy shit they did to saint sebastian
Hey ASOIAF fandom pals, all 6 or so of you…where are we at vis-a-vis the theory that Daario “Stormcrow” Naharis = Euron “Crowseye” Greyjoy?
Is Daario secretly Euron?
Yes. There can only be so many blue-mouthed storm + crow themed guys out there.
No. Daario’s just this guy, you know?
No. Daario’s just a secret Blackfyre or Brightflame line Targaryen.
No. Daario has some OTHER wild secret. (Daario = Benjen truthers assemble?)
I have never thought about this before and I refuse to have an opinion now.
I just like clicking buttons (see results).
Voting ended onJun 14
My head still says it’s a whole lot of sailing for him to pull it off…but I just reread the Iron Islands Kingsmoot chapter (which rocks btw, sorry for not fully appreciating it on my first read through, George). And every time Euron mocks me, the reader, personally, about how fast his ships are……I wonder……..
(Where’d you get all that treasure, Crowseye? Was it from the sieges of Yunkai and Mereen???)
Daario randomly fucks off for a few months twice during ADWD.
Apparently these time periods correspond roughly with Euron's two appearances in AFFC.
It’s not enough time to sail from Meereen to the Iron Islands and back again…unless of course you had captive warlocks doing blood magic to fill your sails 24/7.
…which Euron absolutely does. And possibly secret sailing routes through Old Valyria:
The wind was at their backs, as it had been all the way down from Old Wyk. It was whispered about the fleet that Euron's wizards had much and more to do with that, that the Crow's Eye appeased the Storm God with blood sacrifice. -AFFC, The Reaver (Victarion)
Daario left Essos with a bunch of treasure from Yunkai...
...right before Euron showed up with a bunch of gold of unknown origin at the Kingsmoot.
Euron has blue lips, presumably from drinking weird warlock juice.
Daario dyes his beard blue, meaning no one would notice some extra blue on his lips. (Or maybe the blue dye is actually WHY Euron has blue lips?)
Daario has blue eyes. (Almost purple)
Euron’s good eye is blue. (His crow’s eye is black iirc, but that might just be because it’s suuuuper dilated.)
Euron is "the most comely" of Quellon Greyjoy's sons.
Daario is hot enough that Dany can ignore his stupid everything else and find him distractingly good looking. (I know not all hot men are the same person; it's just part of the "looking similar" story.)
Jorah in ASoS thinks Daario is hiding something with his dyed beard and overly flashy getup. Like it's a costume. Unfortunately (I hate to give Jorah a win), he's clearly right.
Euron's the kind of guy who would think daggers with hilts shaped like sexy ladies are cool. C'mon. You know he would.
Daario is the leader of the Stormcrows.
Euron is the Crow's Eye. He is the storm:
A smile played across Euron's blue lips. "I am the storm, my lord. The first storm, and the last." - AFFC, The Reaver
Euron plans to wed Dany and has sent Victarion to woo her on his behalf. Why didn't he go himself?
Victarion is planning to betray Euron, which is so incredibly obvious an outcome it must be part of Euron's plan. (Euron knows Victarion hates him.)
Daario has been busy wooing Dany over in Meereen. Where he'd be well-place to manipulate Victarion when he shows up.
Looks like only Pioup-Pioup and I have donned the tinfoil hats of Daario = Euron. Alas. (It’s mainly Daario’s book 5 absences that make me so suspicious.)
I’m a little surprised that no one in my super scientific sample (10 people with an opinion) thought Daario was a secret Targaryen. I mean I don’t really think he’s a secret Targaryen, but almost purple eyes is always suspicious.
Refuse to have an opinion folks: you’re so valid.
To the 2 some-other-secret voters: please share with the class. I want to hear 👀
“The northern girl. Winterfell’s daughter. We heard she killed the king with a spell, and afterward changed into a wolf with big leather wings like a bat, and flew out a tower window.” (A Storm of Swords, Arya XIII)
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pioup-pioup Replied to your post “A short list of ASOIAF names I cannot take...”
Not to take away from Jonothor, but there's a gay prince consort situation in Targaryen past?
Kind of! It's unclear how official it was and we don't have a lot of info on their situation, but we know a few things at least.
The prince in question is Egg's third son, Daeron. He was supposed to marry Olenna Tyrell, back when she was Olenna Redwyne:
"The Baratheons have always had some queer notions, to be sure. It comes from their Targaryen blood, I should think." [Olenna] sniffed. "They tried to marry me to a Targaryen once, but I soon put an end to that." - ASOS, Sansa I
Ser Barristan later seems to blame Daeron himself for the match failing, and comments on how all three of Egg's sons refused political matches and married for love:
Prince Rhaegar loved his Lady Lyanna, and thousands died for it. Daemon Blackfyre loved the first Daenerys, and rose in rebellion when denied her. Bittersteel and Bloodraven both loved Shiera Seastar, and the Seven Kingdoms bled. The Prince of Dragonflies loved Jenny of Oldstones so much he cast aside a crown, and Westeros paid the bride price in corpses. All three of the sons of the fifth Aegon had wed for love, in defiance of their father's wishes. And because that unlikely monarch had himself followed his heart when he chose his queen, he allowed his sons to have their way, making bitter enemies where he might have had fast friends. Treason and turmoil followed, as night follows day, ending at Summerhall in sorcery, fire, and grief. - ADWD, The Kingbreaker
Summerhall mention :( :( :(
Anyways, the first two of Egg's sons are well covered by main series canon. The eldest, Duncan the Small (aka the Prince of Dragonflies), married the commoner Jenny of Oldstones and renounced his succession rights to be with her. (He was engaged to marry the daughter of Lyonel Baratheon, aka the Laughing Storm, and the breach between the Crown and Storm's End led to a brief Baratheon rebellion.)
The next son, Jaehaerys II, married his sister, Shaera, restarting Ye Olde Targaryen incest tradition to the disappointment of Everyone Else (especially his parents). Jaehaerys also forced his kids Aerys II and Rhaella to wed each other (maybe for Prince That Was Promised prophecy reasons) and we all know how that turned out. (So very very bad.)
BUT!!! We have to look at A World of Ice and Fire to find more about the third son, Daeron. It turns out that according to the Maesters, Daeron never married anyone:
Corrupted by the example of his brothers, even King Aegon's youngest son Prince Daeron vexed his father in like manner. Though betrothed to Lady Olenna Redwyne of the Arbor when both of them were nine, Prince Daeron repudiated the match in 246 AC, when he was eighteen...though in his case, there appears to have been no other woman, for Daeron remained unwed throughout the remainder of his short life.
So what was Ser Barristan on about? Enter ✨Jeremy✨:
A born soldier who rejoiced in tournament and battle, [Daeron] preferred the companionship of Ser Jeremy Norridge, a dashing young knight who had been with the prince since the two of them were squires together at Highgarden. Prince Daeron brought to his father, Aegon, an altogether deeper sort of grief when he was killed in battle in 251 AC, leading an army against the Rat, the Hawk, and the Pig. Ser Jeremy died at his side, but the rebellion was quashed, and the rebels slain or hanged.
Barristan served both Aegon V and Jaehaerys II, so if there was a non-official wedding for Daeron and ✨Jeremy✨ he'd probably know about it. But he also could have been speaking loosely and just meant that Daeron chose love over marital politics.
You know which Egg-lette did marry for politics? The youngest daughter, Rhaelle, who married Ormund Baratheon! Their son Steffon Baratheon was, of course, the father of Robert, Stannis, and Renly. And that’s why Robert could vaguely make a claim to the throne (after killing all his Targaryen cousins).
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LOVES me a comic relief character w/ a reputation for The Melodrama—but once you consider their backstory/working conditions you realize they are actually holding shit soooooooooooooooo much closer together than most-o-us could manage in the same situation.
there are MANY goons and mooks and goofy best friend characters this applies to, but i wanna give a shout-out to the Living Prima Donna Embodiment from phantom of the opera.
woman with 20+ years experience, most respected professional in her field, refuses to work under unsafe conditions (aka shitty colleague literally trying to murder her) and instead of listening to her massively justified concern, the new tech bro investors decide to just have an entry-level employee fill in for her.
Carlotta shoulda personally been allowed bring that crummy chandelier crashing down on her shitty bosses' heads!!!
“These things happen” On what planet Mr French Multimillionaire?!? On what planet is that an acceptable working environment! And the Phantom is picking on her and taking her voice because he, one out of thousands, doesn’t like it! And the owners just… fold?!? No!
