i'm gonna shit

fucked up at the bar ordering off a picture book i brought in with me

you can just post whatever on this website its great

"He doesn't eat the toaster."

current note count: 705

brb gotta to go splash water on my face in the mens bathroom and look haggardly at myself in the mirror

can you do that somehwhere else i'm changing my baby right here and he is freaking the fuck out

*holds your baby up to the mirror and he rapidly becomes more haggard as my face reverts steadily to an expression of youthful cheer*

you can't even stitch various body parts together to create a man anymore. due to woke

the fact that pro-monarchy arguments have degenerated, over the past few centuries, from “the king rules by divine right and is accountable to nobody but god”, to “uhm the royals generate a lot of income from tourism” will never stop being extremely funny to me

the monarchs… bad. but the castles? oh, the castles are positively lush with rats… 👅

Delete this account immediately.

Guy just walked in with a shirt that said “I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them” and frankly I’m obsessed

i'm literally the priest's favorite sacrificial lamb because i am so docile and sweet and i hold very still when they put the rope around my neck and i trot along so happily while they lead me to the altar and they do not even have to tie me down because i lie so very still and only bleat once or twice in my lovely lamb voice and when the knife comes down it cuts through me like butter and i offer no resistance and i bleed so prettily all over my new white wool and my guts all unspool like the most beautiful shining yarn and my eyes are animal and dumb and hold no accusation and every time i die i come right back as another little lamb because the priest loves me so so much and he always chooses me for the sacrifice every time and he always places one hand on my small and twitching nose to calm me while he lifts the knife and he doesn't do it for the other lambs only me because i'm his favorite

Life Grips

Good for her

the mining dwarfer seems to pick his axe at night

need you to be not so toughies on me.

i want to thank you both for turning my biggest wording fumble where i clumsily said mining dwarfer instead of dwarven miner into a post i chuckle at whenever it comes across my dash

hold on i'm busy i'll have to check what you said in a minute

finally read this. would not have reblogged!