Michelangelo's David
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Michelangelo's David

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at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you
at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.
at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly
at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.
at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.
At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.
"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s
great work everyone hit the bathhouse

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Thinking about the shitty Eridians
Do you think that after Grace came to Erid, they started drawing art of Shitty Humans
Like
Or, even funnier, they accidentally just create disabilities again
if Eridians don't wear any jewelry (or clothing, in the movie) unless it's part of special celebration clothing. and if Grace's glasses are generally assumed by most Eridians to be some type of human jewelry.
do you think Eridians interpret the way Grace dresses to mean "this guy is low-key down to party for like 98% of his waking hours"?
Eridians don't really get cold because of their carapace and the lack of harsh weather because of the thick atmosphere of Erid. Why would they evolve to wear clothes?
In this essay, I will defend movie!Rocky's decision-
Grace plays rocky some instrumental music from earth, and to rocky its mostly random sounds except a few places where it coincidentally sounds like an actual eridian word
Like the Jurassic Park theme tune to eridians just sounds like:
🎵🎵🎵 water! 🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵 why? 🎵🎵 disgust! 🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵 *eridian curse word* 🎵🎵🎵 limbs? 🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵 justice! 🎵🎵 *more curses* 🎵🎵🎵🎵 face?
I love love love the genre of fics about Grace coming to Erid and being mistaken for a pebble so much. It's such a delightful misunderstanding that can be such an interesting vehicle to dive into Eridian culture or the horror of what happened to Grace or to just have some good old crack <3
Anyway, in no particular order, these are the fics about it that I've read these past few days for anyone who also loves these kinda fics! Please do send more recs my way if I am missing out, because there isn't a canon ao3 tag yet (dont be nervous about self promo'ing, I encourage it)
Adrian is a simple creature, they see sad pebble, they adopt sad pebble. by BusyBee (Anonomousdisco360)
Rockabye by Skye_the_Lofty_Nutcase
Speech pattern by Chaotic_aroace, Lizgir12
Of Packs, Promises and Pebbles by C4t1l1n4
Rocky's Guide to Adopting an Alien Space Pebble by Caspyre
Baby Bird by disasterdrow, Taraxinium -> series
Hope from the Silence of Space by WolfeOfLullabies
Pebble-Song by Lure3808

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Eridian Trope Idea???
Making Nothing But Silence.
Perhaps a mix of horror and tragedy. The horror behind it is a bit like an alternate/changeling deal where you have some Eridian-shaped thing that doesn't make noise. It doesn't sing, it doesn't echolocate, it just moves around like you would.
But the tragedy is interesting because now Eridian!you, in this theoretical circumstance, cannot speak. Cannot join the thrums. You cannot even see without the aid of other Eridians or anything else that makes sound.
Combine the two and you have some equivalent of the Invisible Man, except more immediately repulsive. This inaudible individual cannot survive or navigate without being with other eridians, but other eridians either mistake them for features of the caves and ignore them, or react to them in horror as described above.
Seems quite versatile, depending on if you want an immediately unnerving monster, or a doomed protagonist.
No notes, nothing to add. I love this idea so much I almost couldn't wait until monday.
When Grace picks the name "Rocky", to a human audience, it's kind of like a little joke, right? Oh haha, it's because he looks like a rock, plus a movie reference, right?
But what if the Eridians hear it very, very differently?
Eridians kind of ARE rocks, in more than one way, aren't they? Their outer appearance resembles rocks; and (this might be fanon, I don't recall right now) their *brains* are crystalline structures. They hatch from eggs that probably look like rocks. The environment they live in presumably contains rocks.
What if Eridians view rocks in a kind of reverent, aspirational way? Like "For rocks you are, and to rocks you shall return" but with less of a dismissive/humble tone and more of a "we are fundamental building blocks of reality in every form we take" thing.
And then Rocky is explaining to Eridian linguists who are studying Grace's English what his "human name" means, in English, and the linguists are giving him scandalized side-eye and going "So you met an alien and you told him that THAT was your name? [Wow, what kind of arrogant prick would do that?]" And Rocky is like, "no no nonono, I absolutely did not tell him that was my name. I gave him my real name! Grace picked that name for me, he didn't even ask me for suggestions, I had nothing to do with it! It was like right after we first met properly -- it didn't seem like he even had to think very hard about it."
The linguists question Grace about his reasoning, of course, and Grace is a little embarrassed because he thinks this is a "haha our human is bad at naming things, he found a Tau Ceti amoeba and named it Taumoeba, silly human!"
(Also, he does not want this to end up leading to a movie night where the first movie he has to show a bunch of ALIEN LINGUISTS is Rocky. Just seems like kind of a genre-mismatch, right? And Disney's Atlantis: The Lost Empire is *right there*. Or he could pick some movie that showcases a bunch of different real human languages really well, or... Something that's not a sports drama film.)
So he brushes it off a little, saying something like "Well, sure, it wasn't hard for me to decide to call him Rocky. I mean, it's kind of the obvious choice, yeah?"
And the thing is. It's established knowledge now that all humans can perceive things that Eridians can't perceive. It's not even like superstitious "ooh spooky aliens" woo-woo. Respected, credentialed Eridian biologists have confirmed that humans have *actual, physical organs* that let them detect phenomena that Eridians cannot detect.
So what the Eridian linguists are hearing is that this alien met Rocky, observed Rocky with its strange alien powers of perception, and immediately chose to give Rocky a name that conveys "you resemble the fundamental core of what all your people essentially are and aspire to be". And he said it was obvious.
eridians don't have a long history of sea and space travel, so they don't have the affinity for naming their vessels that humans do.
except rocky, who has watched and read every single piece of media grace has with him on the hail mary over the four year trip to erid, decides to start naming stuff when they get back
and the other eridians are like ???? "he was lost in space for 50 years, let him do it, it makes him happy"
i also kinda like the idea of him being like "retroactively my ship was called [eridian name of a mythical hero who was gone for a reallllly long timer but came home eventually]" and grace is like "yeah The Odysseus is a way better name than blip-a"
headcanon that clothes are a thing on erid but theyre not strictly culturally required and are largely decorative, like, fiber is a different sound texture from an eridians carapace so you wear it if you wanna be fancy. Rocky didnt wear clothes while on the mission because they needed to hear the gadgets they were working with better. Anyways i think that this would make the clothing conversation much funnier especially if rocky understands human's cultural expectation of modesty with clothing before he has to explain. Like
Two days until they get to erid
Grace: Hey Rock can you help me w- is that a shirt?? Why are you wearing a shirt???
Rocky: so first of all rocky promise not a freak, statement,
alienfuckers on Erid after learning that the only alien on their planet is asexual

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(Prompt submission) Grace's Eridian doctors are large animal veterinarians. There are some awkward adjustment periods.
THIS 🤣🤣 imagining the absolutely bonkers kinds of eridians that must have been yoinked from their jobs to suddenly be in charge of keeping the FIRST SAPIENT ALIEN EVER alive brings me cackling-maniacally levels of glee. yes, please tell me more about the eridian lab tech who does the boring, monotonous cataloguing of bacterial glycosyltransferase enzymes suddenly having their space phone BLOWING UP. random eridian who's job is just. feeding and wrestling the big terrestrial predators at the zoo into taking their meds is suddenly missing from work, later found to be kidnapped and taken to Eridian WHO headquarters with new job of putting pills in peanut butter for rocky's new alien pal. thank you thank you!
op your tags pass peer review
eridian tumblr would be crazy you’d have posts by like agate742 going “does anyone else think the age gap between savior rocky and rocky mate adrian is problematic?? I know they were roughly the same age when they got married and the only reason savior rocky is so much younger now is bc of the time whatever but it still makes me :/// like adrian should find a mate adrian’s own age yk” and simultaneously cliff-face55 is posting “is it just me or is savior grace kinda…HEAR ME OUT” and also “do you plural think adrian and rocky and grace explored each others’ bodies question”
#we need to cancel savior grace he made savior rocky eat in front of him once! yuck! [prev tags] LMAO