Y'all I'm so bad at tagging

When I was a kid, learnin to crawl and walk and shit, still a baby, my parents noticed something off about my head shape. So they took me to the doctor.

Turns out I was fucking up my skull formation plates by sleeping on one side of my head constantly which caused the plates to settle in a way they weren't supposed to be settling.

And the doctors baisically were like "On god bro we gonna fix this for you" and low and behold, a solution came.

A helmet. A thick, adjustable helmet that was meant to reshape my skull. I had to wear that bad boy for a while. It was white with purple butterflies on it cause they knew I liked purple and I liked butterflies.

However, there was a cost. And not a money kind. It was my parents sanity going and humor being cranked up.

Because instead of sitting around and being a baby and all that, I found a better use of the helmet.

I realised that it protected my head it gave me the best idea.

To hit my head on every fucking surface there was. It drove my family insane.

They would hear me bonking it on the tv stand, on the floor, on the table, my own high chair. I would even stand up and charge at visitors and my family's legs and just fucking ram into them and full baby speed. It was the most enjoyable pass time that made both me and my parents laugh their asses off.

However, one day at the doctors, they had finally deemed my head fixed and safe. And the helmet was gone (but we still got to keep it).

Now keep in mind that I had been going absolutely ham with this shield on my head for months. I had grown accustomed to it, as though it was a second part of me.

So after we come home from the doctors, we go into the living room and my parents let me and my twin play for a bit.

Soon came the need to bash my head against something.

So I got in position, ready to go. My parents saw it happening. They leapt up, ready to stop me. But they were not fast enough.

It all happened in slow motion. I slammed my head into the floor full force. Silence.

I lift my head. There are no tears or wails. Only confusion. I blinked. Still nothing. I was silent for the rest of the day, coming to terms with the fact that I lost my invincibility.

Never again did I bash my head or ram into people.

Plastic bags

Old Man McGregor

Sea Swine

Underwater Lipstick

This Geek

Sheepshead Fish because Peopletoothed Fish was taken

A dick

Seizure machines

Seamus who I met at a Rave in downtown Seattle once.

Cosmic Brain if nothing was going on in there

“Here’s a bandaid for ya,” I said, producing one from my vest pocket.

“Oh, he’s not bleeding, thank you though!”

I lowered my voice and leaned in. “Kids think bandaids are health magic,” I said. “Ask him where it hurts and exploit that placebo effect.”

She did just that, and instantly the kid stopped crying and thanked her. “I’ll have to remember that,” she said.

Tell them their going to run out of tears so they drink the water.

That’s 8/8

That’s like.

💛🧡💚

I love this so much