Blockbuster Lobster

Someone was just setting the table for Christmas lunch when they took half a minute to lay out this vocabulary-changing bsky post, then carried on with their day...

i just got shot with a puppy rifle but it didnt hurt me because im not a puppy

me i just got shot by an elephant gun but im not even an elephant so im ok

i just got shot with a 9mm handgun but i'm ok because i am taller than 9mm

hi! I'm a 9mm tall puppyphant and i'm excited to be here!

happy decade to the horrible beast i have wrought

world heritage post

#looked up old screenies– the op used to be collegehumor #so this is less dropout employee rebranding their tumblr for marketing #and more dropout got the tumblr account in the divorce

ever since seeing this post the Beastie Boys have taken up residence in my mind and they won't leave me alone. I pulled some leftover beans out of the fridge and was instantly mentally assailed with "beans beans, the magical FRUIT the more you EAT the more you TOOT" I will never again know peace

How are my sweetie pees

I’m so glad it’s not just me who thinks about this randomly

The number of times I’ve said “back off I know what I’m doing” because of this…….

oh my god it hurts

and it's going to hurt forever

I laughed so hard I gave myself an actual headache oml

certified soup post