Martiverse corner

Image of text: “That is horrifying and I want to go home,” I said, although I pronounced it, “Ah, I see.”

fingering his plot hole

this site is so easy

Oh, to be granted the power to speak to animals for just like 38 seconds, so that I could tell this pebble-brained feathery fuckass that nobody is impressed that he started singing earlier than anybody else. There's no bird pussy available at 2 am. The dames can sense your desperation. Stop screaming for at least three more hours.

thats most likely a bat

I have never seen or heard a bat in real life, but I think I could tell one apart from a passerine.

a deer is like a forest horse if you think about it

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

they need to make a menstrual cup with a tap on the end. vampire fratboys should be able to do a keg stand off my vagina.

guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way

wait what’s the difference?

one you can use in the oven safely and the other you can also use in the oven if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire

Wile E. Coyote, two milliseconds before he lights a match only to reveal he's surrounded by flammable traps he himself has set and the whole website explodes

I remember one time I got INSANELY high off of edibles while playing Among Us, and it quickly became apparent to the other players online. I forget how honestly but literally anything "sus" I did was ignored by everyone because I was so fucking high. I tested this theory by standing in front of a body and the person that actually reported it didn't even mention me. The funniest part was when I was trying to do wires, I kept fucking up over and over again, so I was just standing in front of wires for actual minutes trying to figure it out. A small crowd of players gathered around me to watch and would get mad every time someone reported a body or emergency meeting because "she's never going to get her tasks done if you keep interrupting them." I don't think anyone cared about winning at that point, they just wanted to see the high crew mate succeed in her tasks.

THIS IS 1000% ACCURATE LMFAO. Thank you op

my roommate and i were trying to identify two birds outside of our window and she's pulling up pictures on her phone and she says "ok so that one's a house sparrow" and shows me a picture i nod my head and then she points to the reddish one next to it outside and says "and that one's a house finch" and she shows me again and i nod and then she switches to a new tab and it's a picture of hugh laurie and she says "and this is house m.d." i'm gonna kill her