Lurker, Not A Bot

call me ʔ the way i make her glottal stop. this is nothing. this post is fucking nothing.

Image: a picture of Shohreh Aghdashloo with a dramatic expression and an open phone book. Text reads “from the producers of The Expanse Shohreh Aghdashloo reads the phone book while wearing fabulous outfits”

when you were a child, the worm named LANGUAGE ate its way into your brain and cursed you to understand the letters and the syllables and the sense of speech, doomed you to commas and clauses and passive voice, took the meat of you and twisted it with words. this is why you’re able to post about maids and berries and flasks and catgirls and whatnot, so it’s pretty great. make sure to thank the worm named LANGUAGE the next time you see it!

sometimes i feel ive got to

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run away

ok i absolutely need to know what accents u all have pls reblog and tell me or comment or whatever I must know

Scenario 2: “world wakes up to Superman tweeting about how he hates the police” and then the Shazam twitter account starts agreeing with him and that’s how the world finds out that two of the most powerful heros both hate the police

Billy, seeing what Superman just tweeted: oh cool we're allowed to say fuck the police now!!

Someone tweets if Bruce Wayne pays taxes, and Bruce accidentally replies with his Batman account with a simple "Yes", so people start to think that besides beating up villains, Batman also spends his time staring menacingly at billionaires while they fill their taxes to make sure there's no creative accounting going on

BruceWayneOfficial: yes, the rumors are true. Batman is my accountant.

given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

Blood Heritage Post

could you imagine if it happened this pride month

Imagine if a like 8 foot tall guy that looked kinda like an alien species just kinda showed up at the house you rent a room in and crashed on the couch and at first everyone hated him but you kinda just accepted this weird massive kinda-human alien species thing as a part of your group even though he's like twice the size of everyone else there

Cuz that's literally happening to sea lions in San Francisco right now

I want all animals to become sapient enough to produce art specifically because I want to see what sort of sex homunculus caricature each species would create if given the ability to draw

Like we've already got the anime waifu with the needle-waist and watermelon-bazonkas and borzoi-legs and bug-eyes. Now show me a fucked-up stupid beetle as drawn by a horny beetle. I want to see what a cartoonishly sexy lion looks like according to lions. I want to see the most ridiculous drawing of a peahen that would have the peacocks squaring up by the fountain.

We give this power to ostriches and they just start drawing people