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Pink text on a black background with white stars surrounding it. Text reads, "Don't talk to me about your weight loss journey."

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retroactivebakeries

when you were a child, the worm named LANGUAGE ate its way into your brain and cursed you to understand the letters and the syllables and the sense of speech, doomed you to commas and clauses and passive voice, took the meat of you and twisted it with words. this is why you’re able to post about maids and berries and flasks and catgirls and whatnot, so it’s pretty great. make sure to thank the worm named LANGUAGE the next time you see it!

microsff

When I speak, toads fall from my mouth.

There was a fairy dressed as some kind of fucking royalty. I got cursed for insufficient deference.

As far as I can tell, my toads are not any of the 500-ish known species.

If you have a degree in biology and want to cowrite a paper on new toads, hit me up.

buqbite

sometimes i feel ive got to

‎

‎

run away

ok i absolutely need to know what accents u all have pls reblog and tell me or comment or whatever I must know

#us west coast #heard it described as “they think they don’t have an accent because they have all the vowel mergers #but I don’t have the pin/pen merger personally #I do have a sprinkling of US South in there

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microsff

"I've heard that a dragon can always find a princess."

"We can always find," said the dragon, "what we hoard."

"You have been known to gather princesses. You'd know."

"Yes, but..." The dragon hesitated. "If she doesn't know, it's not my place to tell."

"Oh," said the prince. "What if they ask?"

penny-anna

oh god sudden thought

so as per various DC social media concepts Clark has a Superman twitter where he posts left-leaning but fairly safe & tame stuff e.g. happy pride from Superman. Clark Kent also has his own twitter account where he posts his actual opinion.

what happens if uh. what happens if he forgets which account he's logged into.

penny-anna

scenario 1: what's clearly an official Superman post pops up on some rando journalist's twitter and is noticed before he can delete it. leads to controversy when people conclude that Superman has hired this Clark Kent person to do his social media. Clark now has to deal w the fact that everyone thinks he's Superman's social media manager. employers at the Daily Planet very confused as to why he didn't tell them about his side gig

scenario 2: world wakes up to Superman tweeting about how he hates the police

the-legal-shipper

Scenario 2: “world wakes up to Superman tweeting about how he hates the police” and then the Shazam twitter account starts agreeing with him and that’s how the world finds out that two of the most powerful heros both hate the police

penny-anna

Billy, seeing what Superman just tweeted: oh cool we're allowed to say fuck the police now!!

offonaherosjourney

Someone tweets if Bruce Wayne pays taxes, and Bruce accidentally replies with his Batman account with a simple "Yes", so people start to think that besides beating up villains, Batman also spends his time staring menacingly at billionaires while they fill their taxes to make sure there's no creative accounting going on

nightblackowlbat

BruceWayneOfficial: yes, the rumors are true. Batman is my accountant.

orteil42

given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that

#trans rights

hollowtones

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out.

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

fidefortitude-deactivated202011

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

blood-heritage-posts

Blood Heritage Post

#really big frog #blood #heritage post

byjove

could you imagine if it happened this pride month

#like to charge reblog to cast

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readingworldwanderer

You may think the phrase "He's just a little guy" comes from internet memes, but you would be wrong.

The true origin of the phrase belongs to celebrated author Tamora Pierce, in her 1983 novel Alanna: The First Adventure, when Gary says, "Still—what can Alan do for you? He's just a little guy"(49).

Thus, whenever we say of someone or some creature that they are "just a little guy," what we are really saying is that they are a short redheaded knight-in-training with some sort of Gender going on who will kick your butt given half a chance.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. May we all be the little guys we wish to see in the world.

Pierce, Tamora. Alanna: The First Adventure. New York, Random House, 1983.

catboybiologist

Imagine if a like 8 foot tall guy that looked kinda like an alien species just kinda showed up at the house you rent a room in and crashed on the couch and at first everyone hated him but you kinda just accepted this weird massive kinda-human alien species thing as a part of your group even though he's like twice the size of everyone else there

catboybiologist

Cuz that's literally happening to sea lions in San Francisco right now

catboybiologist

So there's two species of sea lion in North America: the California sea lion, ranging along California (including Baja) but not ranging into the north coast or into oregon

And the Stellar's sea lion, which are WAY bigger and live in Washington, British Columbia, and Alaska

A male Stellars sea lion showed up in SF like a month ago and just kinda. Didn't know what to do, and joined a colony of California sea lions, and is just kinda chilling there now.

catboybiologist

Weird vagrant species happen from time to time, but this is just a particularly funny instance of a highly social species getting very lost, and just trying to blend in with its closest nearby relatives

#important note #he is named Chonkers

iheartvelma

via

#rocky the eridian #ryland grace #project hail mary #miette

phantomrose96

I want all animals to become sapient enough to produce art specifically because I want to see what sort of sex homunculus caricature each species would create if given the ability to draw

phantomrose96

Like we've already got the anime waifu with the needle-waist and watermelon-bazonkas and borzoi-legs and bug-eyes. Now show me a fucked-up stupid beetle as drawn by a horny beetle. I want to see what a cartoonishly sexy lion looks like according to lions. I want to see the most ridiculous drawing of a peahen that would have the peacocks squaring up by the fountain.

phantomrose96

We give this power to ostriches and they just start drawing people

realpeoplefiction

i need to learn every language in the world so i can know if the subtitles are right or wrong

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libraford

Are YOU gonna let THE GOVERNMENT tell YOU what YOUR GENDER is? That doesn't sound like Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to me! PROTECT your individual FREEDOMS and call your senator: we want the GOVERNMENT to stay OUT OF OUR PANTS! GENDER FREEDOM NOW!

libraford

Two men in your neighborhood are married... to EACH OTHER? Congratulate them for exercising their AMERICAN RIGHT to follow the footsteps of our FOUNDING FATHERS! They've got a fully AMERICAN spirit of FREEDOM and REBELLION! GOD BLESS THE USA.

libraford

Your coworker has a different RELIGION from yours? Well, that's just INTERESTING and you should talk about it on your UNION-APPROVED LUNCH BREAK. The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA was FOUNDED on Freedom of Religion and ANYONE should be allowed to seek the AMERICAN DREAM!

libraford

You think someone might be in this GREAT country ILLEGALLY? NO YOU DON'T! No one is in this country illegally! The minute anyone steps on our SOVEREIGN SOIL they're your FELLOW AMERICAN and where they come from is NO ONES BUSINESS.

rosslynpaladin

it's funny yeah, but guys this is actually how you reach the people who prefer these terms to frame all things Good and Correct.

datadegroove-deactivated2026042

My Chemical Romance is what they would call Breaking Bad if it were a yaoi manga

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