It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on Tumblr, journaled, or really shared my thoughts anywhere publicly. Four years have passed since my last post, and I find myself in a place where I need an outlet again—a place to process everything I’ve been through and the person I’ve become since then.
It is now 2026, and life looks very different as it did the last time I wrote.
Iam living on my own as a young adult, trying to navigate life in a world that feels increasingly complicated. Between the economy, responsibilities, relationships, finances, faith, grief, and mental health, it often feels like I’m learning how to survive while simultaneously trying to figure out who I am.
-I still battle depersonalization.
Lately, depersonalization has been one of the hardest things to understand. Some days I find myself questioning how I even exist in this experience we call life. I’m constantly trying to make sense of what it means to be human, what my purpose is, and why we struggle the way we do.
As a follower of Christ, I carry many questions. I often wonder why suffering exists, why we endure hardship, and why life can feel so heavy. Yet at the same time, I have seen God’s goodness. I’ve seen His faithfulness in moments when I didn’t think I would make it through.
Around 2022- 2023, I moved out of my parents’ house. Since then, life has been a journey of learning—learning about independence, relationships, finances, faith, and myself.
The last time I talked with many of you, I was beginning my journey with medication and trying to become consistent with it. Now, several years later, I’ve been taking Zoloft. It has come with both benefits and challenges. It has helped tremendously with my social anxiety and has made situations that once felt impossible much more manageable. But depression remains one of my biggest battles.
Since then, I’ve moved from a larger apartment into a one-bedroom apartment that I now share with my partner. Navigating mental health while also navigating a relationship has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life as well.
-I’m trying to learn how to put God first while also learning how to take care of myself.
-I’m trying to learn how to build friendships while fighting loneliness.
-I’m trying to find community while feeling disconnected.
-I’m trying to work jobs where I feel understood after experiencing jobs where I wasn’t.
-Most of all, I’m trying to figure out where I fit in this world.
Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of my happiness, my peace, my joy, and my ability to simply be content. I’ve spent so much time surviving that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to rest.
My relationship has been a journey in itself. Being with someone who is also trying to discover who they are can be beautiful, but it can also be incredibly difficult. There are moments when I feel guilty for moving out before I was truly ready for the responsibilities that came with adulthood and partnership. Yet I also recognize that both of us have been doing the best we can with what we’ve had.
For a long time, it has felt like we’ve both been fighting for survival.
And honestly, it has been hard.
One of the hardest parts of growing up has been grief. Losing my grandparents has changed me in ways I didn’t expect. The safety and comfort I felt when I was younger don’t feel as accessible anymore. As people get older, move away, pass on, or drift apart, life begins to look very different.
At the same time, I’ve struggled with not having the relationship with my mom that I’ve always hoped for. There are times when I still long for love, support, reassurance, and security. Sometimes I feel abandoned. Sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I feel unseen by the people I care about most.
And I know I can’t be the only one.
That’s part of why I’m writing again.
My hope is to become more active on Tumblr and share pieces of this journey. Maybe someone else out there is navigating adulthood, grief, faith, anxiety, depression, loneliness, or the uncertainty of not knowing where they belong.
Because the truth is, being a young adult in today’s world is hard.
-Finding your community is hard.
-Finding yourself is hard.
If any of this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone.
I also want to mention the Koko Community messages on Tumblr. It has been a helpful resource for me during seasons when I’ve felt isolated, empty, or disconnected. Being able to connect with people who understand what you’re going through can make a huge difference.
I hope you’re doing well wherever you are in life right now. My goal is to write at least once a week and continue sharing this journey—the victories, the struggles, the questions, and everything in between.
