As someone with bpd,
Change, and being mentally stable and emotionally sober, is so much work and it’s so hard. I have to be constantly aware of so many things. I need to control my impulses, so I gotta always be aware of them, and how active or inactive they are in my mind. I need to control my self sabotage, so I gotta always be aware of what I’m doing and how I’m internally reacting to my partner. I need to control my self harm urges and negative thoughts, so I gotta always be aware of how I’m thinking about myself and treating myself. As well as constantly being aware of if I’m being too hard on myself, and yet also know when and how to be accountable for myself when I make mistakes in all of these areas. Ineed to control my verbal reactions, so I gotta always be aware of how I’m letting emotions control me and if I’m being volatile. I need to also constantly be aware of the thoughts about myself that’re running thru my head because I want to stop/control them. I need to also constantly be aware of my breathing and anxiety
