Chaos

This is how it looks like to struggle with mental illness and developmental disorders.

EDITED : Credits go to Sillvi_illustrations

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

you never hear it coming

and suddenly it's

the loudest voice in your head

- Rupi Kaur -

Photograph by Daniel Olivares PS

I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish…

You see, it is difficult to get all which I want.

And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger.

- Simone de Beauvoir -

Photograph by Sascha van der Werf

Me :

Sometimes I'm powerful as a beast, ready to conquer the world.

Sarah died by suicide today because she was different.

”To my family,

I tried to survive and failed, forgive me

To my friends,

The experience is tough and I'm too weak to resist, forgive me

To the world,

You were extremely tough on me, but I forgive "

Those were Sarah Hegizi’s last words in the suicide note she left for her loved ones. Sarah Hegazi was an Egyptian LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 activist. She came out as a lesbian in 2016. A year later, she attended a concert in Cairo, Egypt, where she raised the rainbow 🌈 pride flag. She was arrested and spent months in prison. At the detention center, the corrections officers used to make her cellmates to harass her, starve her, and beat her. Every time a judge refused to release her and sent her back to jail, she used to cry and scream not to go back because of the mental and physical torture she suffered in prison. Even after she was finally released, the police harassment never stopped. She had no choice but to leave her country and family and live in exile in Canada 🇨🇦. She described her new home as ”a strange country where I know no one.” Sarah suffered from PTSD and depression. She decided to take her own life in her apartment in Canada 🍁 and left us today, lonely. I only met Sarah once in person, before I too, left our home country to live in exile myself. She was bright, brave, joyful, and full of love and life. She was a powerful force for everyone around her. After her death, some people are still blaming her for who she loved or how she decided to end her pain. The same people forget what we did to her. They ignore the inhumane treatment. They refuse to condemn the bullying and torture she endured. They don't count the cold, lonely nights she had to spend far from everyone she loved. We broke her and we are the ones to blame. We killed a beautiful human being because she loved differently in a society that sees different as wrong. Sarah didn't kill herself. We killed Sarah. We killed Sarah twice. First, when we pushed her away and refused to understand that we don't have the ability to choose who we love. And then we killed her again when we blamed her for her decision. To Sarah, your generous soul forgave us for what we did, but we don't deserve your forgiveness. May your beautiful spirit rest in peace.

Written by Esam Boraey

Rest in power Sarah

Till when?

UPDATE : ppl are still insulting her and are happy cuz she's gone, claiming that she might be burning in hell rn 😵.