Little Jumping Joan

Pam Carter (Scottish, b.1952)

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn't cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)

Now I'm reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked "So. Do you come here often?" with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn't think I'm a straight woman does he????

Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I'm like y'all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.

Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA "in the arms of the angels" song

We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes "I was wondering why people were dressed like that!" He turned to me and asked "So they're like dogs?" And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went "Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!"

When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went "There's a dude version too?!" And I said yeah they're called drag kings. And he said, low, "Drag kings."

During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, "Your legs are better than hers." in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid

When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said "I'm so sorry, it's dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn't have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I'm so sorry about that."

When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said "Oh don't worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!" Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for "Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y'all helped me have a great time tonight."

like. You gotta recognize there's going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn't mean they're actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time

trust that everything will fall into place without you forcing it there.

Thank you!

I would suggest blocking people who you feel have shit takes about trans men.

Trans men absolutely aren't exempt from reinforcing systems of oppression, but not everyone putting us under the microscope is doing so in good faith (or may be piss poor at making their point, to where it causes harm).

Online queer discourse is full of people who don't know queer history/theory, people who don't know we have these same conversations every few years, people who don't recognize their own privilege and biases, people who are desperate to be influencers, people who are functionally illiterate, people who conflate arguing online with activism, people who are transphobic despite being trans themselves, people who are legit bad actors, people who would rather vent than take action, and simply, very hurt people who need to lash out in some way.

It's unfortunate, because there are good conversations to be had here, and even people with shitty takes deserve to have their pain eased.

But any debate requires a moderator, which falls to the individual on social media. And so, the community tends to eat itself.

This is your space to curate, and it isn't a requirement to like or even tolerate everyone in your community. If I see someone who I feel is mostly being a nihilist or hurting others, or I feel is an utter twit in some other way, I block them.

I don't feel like this is me reinforcing systems of oppression. This is me focusing on my own peace. I still make it a routine to regularly follow trans people of experiences other than mine and listen when they vent, even when my knee-jerk reaction is to be defensive. And Tumblr also isn't the only way in which I participate in the world.

When I choose to block other queer people for having bad takes (or I otherwise dislike their vibe), I try to do so quietly. I save the callout posts for people who try to hurt me directly in my notes or inbox.

I also think it's important to have online AND offline community, and in both, to maintain a mix of activism/venting with other pursuits. Have a movie night, go on a hike, make a little craft, do stuff together that is *fun* and not centered around discourse. Do things that uplift one another, that create gender euphoria, or that simply shut out cishet normativity, even if only for a brief respite.

You will burn yourself out if you focus on trans oppression and don't leave room for trans joy.