Cypress

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

some birds are very intuitively named. looked up a sparrow going chipchipchip in my yard, it was a chipping sparrow. saw a black bird with red wings, it was a red winged blackbird. gray bird that sounds like a cat? gray catbird. the first time i saw a house finch it was perched on a windowsill. However, some birds are the red-bellied woodpecker

I gotta google something real quick

who named this bird

Official ornithology post

you should be able to say "line" if you don't know what to say in a social situation

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

I will never ever get tired of seeing bredlik poems. It is really one of the seminal art forms of the century. I am not being sarcastic. 

If I ever don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead and archaeologists are licking my bones.

One of the most haunting lines in the entirety of Six of Crows is Jan Van Eck's "If you're reading this, I love you." Every time I think about I'm stunned all over again because it's so simple and so easy to mistake as sweet at first but it's not, and that makes it even crueler.

if you've never been clinically depressed, this is the short version

hey nonbinary parents u kno how there’s shortened terms for mother and father but no good shortened terms for parent?? well i have the solution for you!!! instead of “parent” u can call urself “guardian” which can be shortened to “guard” and then when ur kid says things like “sorry i can’t go my guard says no” they sound rich and mysteriously important and u dont get misgendered and everyone wins

Additionally, when your kid has a bad influence trying to get them to do something they know you would be against they could say “Sorry, I don’t want to let my guard down” which is both mysterious AND a pun

#toymakers are in many ways the van helsings of whimsy. (via @mordredsheart)

Reblog to give prev the power to write their fanfiction

Reblog to give prev the TIME to write their fanfiction

Reblog to give prev the hocus focus to write their fanfiction.

Reblog to give prev the energy to write their fanfiction

Reblog to give prev the executive function to write their fanfiction

this needs to be shared far and wide

I advise calling your LOCAL BUSINESSES and asking if they are selling Taylor Farms produce. I advise following that question with expressions of concern, distrust in the face of Taylor Farms bribes, and expressing a worry that the contaminates will spread to other salad greens. Make keeping Taylor Farms produce in stores a PR nightmare.