Rampaging Amazon Kitten

(Honestly should've done that from the get-go, but you know what they say about hindsight...)

Just like before, they are completely FREE to download and read at your leisure. I will eventually be deleting the comics from gumroad, but that'll only be after I update every link on here, which'll definitely take a while.

Just wanted to let you all know in case you went to redownload the comics and saw that the links were busted. They're on ko-fi now, and that's where they'll stay (for the foreseeable future)

ao3 doesn't have an app because for it to have an app, appstore will have to approve it first. and if, hypothetically, ao3 needs appstore to approve it, it will also have to abide by appstore's pro-censorship stance and start banning dark and taboo fics, which is against its own core principle of being completely against censorship.

ao3 doesn't need an app. it works more than fine without an app. the reason ao3 can allow dark and taboo fics, the reason it can allow the most disgusting and shockingly vile fics, and be completely against censorship is because it doesn't need appstore's approval. it stands on its own as a non-profit organization with functioning site and a team of lawyers protecting its platform, its users, and every single fanwork on its platform.

everybody say thank you ao3

And you know, I thought it was a fair question, so I said that if you eat enough troll meat, you start getting troll-y. And then I went further and just treated it like troll flesh is a general contaminant - if you eat enough troll, you'll turn into a troll, but if you bury enough dead troll flesh in a forest, the trees will start growing in strange ways, and will scream and heal and bleed when you hit them with axes.

I liked this idea. So as we played further, I just played around with the idea of Troll Origins, and I came up with something sort of like the Odyssey, but instead stealing Helios's cattle, it was Hathor's, and the horrible, awful, unending immortality was her curse of the army that pillaged her lands. A god of healing does not condemn you to die, she condemns you to live.

And then I got this fun idea for maybe the king that led the army is still kind of alive in the troll taint. Like a sort of literal fisher king. The kingdom is sick because he is, literally, the kingdom. The trees that bleed, bleed his blood and their screams are his screams. He is both the faintly green bear running down the mountain and the faintly green deer and there is no way past this without suffering. He is the entire ecosystem, and he eats nothing but himself and he dreams nothing but death and yet still, on and on and on and on, he lives.

Anyway they're traveling next session so I'm throwing this shit at them. I already have some gross ideas for like. Describing everything like it's a body (flowers red as blood, white as bone, pink as meat, grass fine as hair) then finally throwing horrible living things at them. Trees that grow eyeballs that turn and stare at them, or flowers with teeth instead of petals and trolls that speak in long dead tongues about how they wish they'd never tried to rob a god.

When he was about five, Shane had a pet hockey puck named “Pucky”. Pucky was extremely predictable. He stayed where Shane put him. He could go on long trips to away games, and he could sleep in a hockey bag and the other boys on the team wouldn’t know to make fun of Shane.

Pucky was a good pet.

Pucky absolutely did not prepare Shane for the experience of Anya.

Anya, who has the reflexes of an elite goalie when it comes to catching food she should not be eating before it hits the ground.

Anya, who likes to roll in things outside that make Ilya’s post-game gear smell good in comparison.

Anya, who is currently standing on her back legs at 2am in the kitchen, watching the terrible herd of raccoons that congregate to do satanic rituals or something on the back deck of the cottage.

She looks like a person in fuzzy pajamas, and for a brief moment Shane welders what happened to Pucky, if maybe he could convince Ilya that a pet rock is a more appropriate daughter for them.

He’s half expecting her to ask if he needs something, but instead Anya tips her head back and howls. And that’s somehow worse. She makes so many noises.

As roommates go, Anya is one of the worst ones Shane has ever had. Doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, doesn’t pay rent. Can’t talk puck. Does dog stuff that no human could possibly understand.

But she also gets Ilya to call out in his sleepiest, grumpiest voice, a tangle of fond syllables that Shane thinks might translate into something approximating “cone here, sweet princess” and Anya, almost as strange as Shane’s husband, jumps to it, trotting into Shane’s bedroom, where dogs are not allowed on the bed, to curl up with her papa and snore like a 250-pound defenseman with apnea.

Shane flat out does not understand this dog. But when he finishes the glass of water he came for, and retired to bed, her silky ear is flipped over into Ilya’s cheek and her wet nose is ticked into the same spot on Ilya’s neck where Shane likes to hide his face.

- Broke into a museum and repatriated some art.

- Got into a bar brawl defending the honor of our gay hockey boys.

any time someone is in any kind of crisis or upheaval, offer to feed them. tell them they don't have to choose what it is if they can't make decisions, just ask about allergies and preferences and tell them you're just gonna make food happen at their house.

friend having a baby? delivery gift certificate to order food to the hospital after the kid shows up.

someone's relative passes away? offer to make them dinner.

buddy gets laid off? ask if you can order them lunch.

pal stuck in a depressive episode? offer to drive them to fucking mcdonalds, if that's what they want.

people in crisis are tired and sad and angry and the last thing most of them are doing is thinking about feeding themselves. so if you have the ability or time or money, providing that is always, always a good move.

- Broke into a museum and repatriated some art.

- Got into a bar brawl defending the honor of our gay hockey boys.

in the first couple of years after leaving their lines of work, they fully commit to reclaiming their childhoods and play their hearts out (made-up games, building forts, competitively measuring their heights in the doorframe, dressing up and solving local crimes) to the point where the townspeople and farmhands think they’re a little odd but endearing

they sit on the porch a lot and look up at the stars with mugs in their hands and blankets around their shoulders

inej recites the names of the farm animals every morning when they make their rounds to ensure they’re all accounted for (there is also definitely a cow named sankta moorya)

whenever they bake kaz always licks the spoon or shoves full globs of raw cookie dough in his mouth when inej isn’t looking and inej is always confused afterwards like “hm i could have sworn this recipe was for two dozen and we only have enough for twenty”

kaz has an herb garden that is his pride and joy (including a basil plant as tall as jesper) and inej will often find him standing in front of it with a hand on his hip and scheming face

inej wears a little sun hat when they go apple picking and kaz will lift her on his shoulders to reach the ones on top

inej makes them do morning stretches together and kaz pretends he hates it

their bedroom is on the second floor so when kaz’s leg has really bad flare-ups (and he’s being stubborn about it) inej will suggest playing cards in the living room or something else he can’t resist to trick him into falling asleep then bring some blankets and pillows down to create a makeshift bed

they read a lot together. most of the time inej chooses the book and kaz will read out loud bc he likes doing the voices and putting on the dramatics. then they’ll spend hours discussing and theorizing

Jesper: Well, if I did it for free Id be a serial killer, so being paid is a good thing

Svetlana: RED ALERT

Svetlana: GENERATIONAL FUMBLE

Ilya: You asked about their favorite hockey team and then spent fifteen minutes roasting it didn’t you

Svetlana: I thought it was friendly banter and then he went to the bathroom and didn’t come back

Ilya: It’s not banter if you’re the only one talking and he’s sitting there silently weeping into his Bud Light

Svetlana: Remember when you told Jane how much you liked fucking me while trying to lock it down?

Ilya: 🖕😘

They do worry about explaining why they let Shane name the rabbit that, but that worry soon vanishes when they have to assure family members that the rabbit is not actually named fuck (little Shane has trouble enunciating the beginning of words)

(not "like mommy?" oh my GOD. lil baby shane (who is very quiet and adult-oriented and thus doesn't always get noticed sneaking up to stand near groups of adults) who heard one of the adults say "puck bunny" and goes oh?? bunny who plays hockey??? that sounds like the best pet EVER. but now they know shane has heard this word and are trying to, "it's a word that's not very nice that some people use for ladies who, uh, REALLY like hockey" and oh, yeah, he understands that. MOMMY really loves hockey, so OBVIOUSLY-)

on the FLOOR from laughing imagining the family home video of lil baby shane sitting next to his bunny in her pen and david behind the camera going, "what's your bunny's name, bud?" and baby shane SO proudly turning to the camera and going "FUCK! :D" as yuna turns her head to the side so he won't see how hard she's trying not to laugh

On the off chance that SOMEHOW my stance hasn't been made clear, here it is. I do not apologize for any butthurtness that may come from this.

If you use AI to 'write' or to 'create art'...you are not a creator. You are lazy, and a thief. Once upon a time both of these could be punished in very nasty ways. Be grateful. All that happens now is possible shunning.