Owlie's Domain

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Common Grackle, 7/10

La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.

Tennessee Warbler, 2/10

You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.

Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10

You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.

Gray Catbird, 5/10

Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.

Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10

You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.

Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10

A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.

Blue Jay, 12/10

If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.

Honorable mention:

Turkey Vulture, 5/10

Floating within your embrace.

I’m an introvert but I have no problem talking with strangers. I’m the type of person who doesn’t mind making a fool of myself in front of people I don’t know for a bit of fun. I’ll happily make a phone call. I worked at a call center and loved talking to the customers so much my boss told me to get through the calls faster. Even if people are mad and yelling at me I’ll respond with double the intensity and I’ve made big tough guys who thought they could bully me back down just because they didn’t expect a chubby little lady to walk towards them with murder in her eyes when they talked shit to her.

And yet parties are the most draining thing you can possibly put me through. If I’m invited to anything I’ll spend days thinking of excuses not to go, decide that I should go anyway because I know I’ll have fun, but I’m also the first person to start zoning out and eventually leave, often with a single hand wave to the room because I have no energy left to say goodbye to individual people. Sometimes even a chill hang out with one or two friends feels like too much but I force myself to go anyway, have fun, and leave earlier than expected.

My mom think I’m an extrovert because my siblings have social anxiety and sorta shuts down when strangers talk to them while I’ve always chatted away with weirdos I meet at the carnival. Just please don’t expect hours long engagement from me or I’ll crash.

I really wanted to make a post about it because I feel like being an introvert is being misrepresented when people think it’s the same as social anxiety. It’s just about whether you recharge alone or with other people, and despite loving people I spent most of my free time alone because that’s where I recharge.