LARGER GULP

anxiety will have you thinking things like "will everyone hate me if i order coffee at the coffee shop" and "will people think i'm crazy if i work out at the gym"

lying in front of the street cleaner

did the street cleaner believe you?

it is like talking to a fucking genie with you people

the fat of the land voted “funniest album art” 24th year in a row

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

update on this man. they just randomly said “nice” after like a minute of silence and when i asked what they meant by that they went “oh i was mentally playing coin pusher and i just got a big stack of coins” i thin,k i hear wedding bells

I sent my inner child to work at a steel cable plant to make some extra cash and it got mangled in an industrial accident and died in the hospital so I really don't have to protect it or whatever anymore. good luck with your self care stuff though

hey sorry it's just that i don't think i'm very good at being a person. thanks for letting me try with you, anyway.

the funniest part of this post to me is that the reblog:like ratio is nearly 1:1. nobody’s just liking everyone who sees this video goes yeah i gotta inflict it on as many people as possible

Hell yeah white baby

i think ultimately you do really have to kill that part of your brain that vividly imagines how you would redo parts of your life.