jon and martin live rent free in my brain

I sang the Swan Song jonmartin rewrite i posted about last week,,, enjoy :) lyrics: (martin bold, jon italicized, narration is both)

Endless torment. The apocalypse rages on. The world has been turned into a never-ending hellscape of suffering. The unknowable beings that once resided outside this reality now feast on humanity’s collective terror. At the center of this new world stands the tower that watches over it all. In it‚ the Archivist stands over the body of the man who used him as a tool to bring about this horrible change. He’s about to use his newfound godlike power to euthanize the whole planet when his lover Martin walks in‚ horrified. In that instant‚ they each reflect on the events that led them here.

Oh‚ do you remember‚ when we first met? I was transferred to the archives‚ and accidentally let that dog inside! You were so surprised!

Oh‚ do you remember‚ when we first met… I was nervous about my new position, and took my issues‚ out on you… you didn’t deserve that‚ I’m so sorry I was a massive prick…

The apocalypse is on (There’s so much terror around here)

I can’t listen to your Statements‚ Jon (The entire world’s living in fear)

I don’t know how we’ll fix this mess (I’m not sure that it’s possible, dear)

Just have to wait and see, I guess…

Do you remember‚ when you thought I’d died? I was in that goddamn six month coma‚ and you joined Peter‚ you were all alone…

Oh‚ do you remember‚ when he banished me‚ and you dove into the Lonely‚ and then you found me‚ and you pulled me out! Then you swore we’d never be apart!

I don’t consent to do this plan (If the fears move on, then we’ll have won)

I’m the Pupil now, not just a man! (Oh my god Jon, what have you done?!)

It’s okay Martin, please don’t cry (I told them to start the plan now!)

If you stay here, then you will die (I won’t leave you.)

The Archivist is torn. His mind cannot abide the thought of the Fears being spread, cannot stand for anyone to suffer as he has‚ but his heart cannot bear to watch his lover die. He hands Martin the knife‚ and tells him to cut the tether. With tears in both their eyes, they kiss one last time. They don’t know what will come next‚ but they hold on to the hope that whatever it is, they will face it together. One way or another.

My nephew is very allergic to eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame. Last year my sister discovered all hot dogs and hamburger buns now contain sesame. Not "may contain", but listed in the ingredients. This year basically every brand of sliced bread also now contains sesame, making it very difficult to find bread items he can eat.

They're just adding it to their products, so they can just list it as an ingredient and not bother with worrying about cross contamination. And they aren't even bothering with telling anyone. Capitalism is going to kill us all.

"Which brings us back to Kellogg’s. Back in 2016, the company found a way around the added burden and expense of complying with the FSMA: they simply began adding trace amounts of peanut flour to their cracker products. Doing so allowed them to list peanuts as an ingredient of the product, freeing them from having to prevent cross-contact.

But suppose the problem is not that simple. First, pulling the lever will most certainly kill the man but it will not guarantee the survival of Earth. In fact, the chance Earth will be saved is slim, and many of those 8 billion will die in the process. You are the trolley operator. Do you pull the lever?

It still isn’t that simple. The man tied to the other track isn’t tied down at all, in fact he does not know he is part of the dilemma. You will have to tie him down yourself. You are the trolley operator. Do you pull the lever?

But wait, there’s something you are forgetting. The man you must tie down and murder is your second in command, your best friend, your platonic soulmate. You love him. You know he will refuse to be the sacrifice. You watch as he begs and pleads for another way, betrayal in his eyes. He writhes as you give the command to sedate him, and prepare to tie him to the tracks. He goes limp, and you do not cry. He will hate you for the rest of his short life, and you will deserve it. Even so, you know you are doing the right thing.

That's not what Eva would call it if asked. She is not good at jokes which is apparent by the way this one falls flat. If Eva had to call it anything, she'd call it a ruse. A clever diversion. Of course the second coffee is for Dr. Grace but she knows better than to give a man who just vomited twice and whose throat is probably scraped raw a hot, caffeinated liquid. She didn't expect him to react this intensely to the experience but she really should have. He's a civilian, not military. She needs to remember that going forward.

So she pulls the cups to her chest and says “I need both” expecting him to look at her weird. But he's not missing a beat, just smiles crookedly and waves it off and Eva thinks once again: ‘I'm not good at jokes.’

☕☕☕☕☕☕

“Here you go.”

Eva looks up and there are two coffees sitting on her desk. Dr. Grace sits down next to her, sipping at his own cup, already distracted by papers he was handed for review.

Two coffees. Black.

She opens her mouth to tell him she doesn't need both but snaps it shut when he glances over at her and grins. She lifts one to take a sip and pulls the other one closer to herself.

It can't hurt.

☕☕☕☕

It keeps happening.

Two coffees. On her desk, waiting in her office, shoved into her hands on the way to another mind numbing meeting.

It doesn't happen all the time. Only on especially stressful days or when she is barely able to keep her eyes open. She's unsure if Dr. Grace knows it's just a bit that doesn't need to be indulged all the time or if he is genuinely concerned about her caffeine intake.

He doesn't tell her. She doesn't ask.

☕☕☕☕☕☕

He doesn't bring her two coffees when he meets with her to tell her that he can't do it, that he doesn't have it in him.

She's glad. She doesn't deserve it.

If he had, he might have taken one of them and thrown it in her face.

(he wouldn't)

She would deserve it.

☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

She orders the technicians to reprogram the food distribution part of Mary and assign Dr. Grace Ilyukhina’s coffee ration. The Russian woman rarely drinks coffee anyway. She will just have to deal. Eva feels guilty for all of a second before she soothes her own conscience with the fact that Grace will definitely share his ration with the woman anyway if she really craves some caffeine.

He's good like that.

☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

The launch goes off without a hitch. The atmosphere is somber and quiet. There is no loud countdown, no champagne for everyone. Just whispers and a table with some snacks and coffee.

Eva pours herself two cups, just out of habit. Puts cream and sugar in one of them.

Habit, everything.

She stares, unmoving, at the two cups sitting on the table for so long a hand reaches past her to take one of them, probably thinking they are up for grabs for everyone. It's the cream and sugar one, the one she won't drink anyway. She could let them take it but instead she grabs both cups before the other hand can.

“I need both,” she says.

The person next to her makes a face. Like she is being weird.

That’s very much how I feel about the state of everything. Generations before mine made choices and I’m the sacrifice with the environment, the economy, and social movements.

When I was in high school my uncle told me it’s “up to your generation to solve these issues.” All I could think was ‘excuse me?? I’m not even old enough to vote? Why don’t you do something about it??’

You have money, you have voting power, you have time to be socially aware of these issues - why it is up to me, a high schooler, to solve.

Why do I have to be the consequence to your actions?

Project Hail Mary is a movie about hope. It’s a movie about how fucked someone is by another person’s choice and how even though it’s awful YOU have to do something about it. It’s about how you can’t just lay down and die.

It really resonates with me- with how fucked everything feels I want desperately to give up, but unfortunately I’m a good person and I will try to make things better.

I think the other message to take away from this movie is that change takes time. Since the Hail Mary was launched to the time the beetles returned is over a decade. Yes everything feels like it’s going to shit right now, but our actions will have an impact. Change takes time and the sooner we recognize the problems and start working on the solutions the sooner the problem will be resolved. And we are making changes! I really believe we are. We will create a world we want to live in again.

and then thinking about all the people who call her cold or uncaring or clinical about what she has to do to save earth. eva stratt, who had silly t-shirts and vodka and favorite meals stored in the Hail Mary and treated with the same level of importance as the finely tuned equipment and the centrifuge the entire planet relies on for salvation.

and then thinking about eva stratt nodding and saying, “yeah, I’m pretty awful. that’s why i’m in charge” with a neutral expression and even believing it. as if crafting the most beautiful coffin and homage to her soon-to-be dead friends won’t haunt her always.

thinking about eva stratt being the first person on the “eva stratt is a monster” train, welcoming ryland grace aboard and knowing she believed in him more than anyone else.

[PHM comic] Dr Captain Ryland Grace’s Fuzzy Memories…

________

You will be remembered as a hero. ________